Notes on the Journey

Friday, July 20, 2012

Boundaries

Boundaries are an interesting thing.  It's only more recently that I've become aware of the need for healthy boundaries and been able to set them for myself.  Saying "no" has been difficult for me historically.  "Yes" was always my first response, whether I wanted to say "yes" or not.  But, thankfully, I'm getting much better at when and how to say "no."

Growing up, "no" was not an acceptable response in my family.  Boundaries got crossed on every level and that was normal.  Boundaries were not allowed or honored.  How dare I think I had a say in the matter anyway?  In that kind of atmosphere, you don't even realize that boundaries are a possibility; or, that if you established a boundary that it would be honored.

I've had migraine headaches for most of my life.  I've done everything I could both medically and energetically to heal them and get to the root cause of them, but to no avail...until now.  I've become aware that my inner child uses constriction as a type of protection against boundary invasion.  And, I've allowed a lot of boundary invasion over the years because it didn't ever occur to me that I could say "no."  As boundaries got crossed and she felt compromised, she'd pull in and constrict everything against the invasion, it was all she knew how to do.  So, pain became the result.  And, it's taken me all these years to connect the two things.  But, connect them I finally did.

Because I'm finally aware of the trigger for the constriction, I can start to work with my inner child to set up another type of communication about when a boundary is being breached.  Previously, I wouldn't even be aware that a boundary had been crossed because I was so used to not having boundaries.  But now, I've got much more awareness about it, and so I'm more apt to realize when it's happened.  Historically, the constriction response would come because a boundary had already been crossed.  Now, I'm setting up an internal system of communication with my inner child so that I'm aware as a boundary is being crossed so that I can address it and do something about it.  This is huge.

If I'm aware of a boundary breach in the moment, and address it as and/or before it happens, the constriction I've lived with as a protection will no longer be necessary.  Hallelujah!  If I can stand my ground, if I can say "no," if I can establish boundaries and hold them, I will feel more self confidence and more strength.  Fear and anxiety around a constant feeling of vulnerability will go away.  As the awareness integrates within me there's a relief, a relaxation.

I've got a lot of walking to do to fully embody the level of strength I see for myself, but at least I have the awareness that it's possible.  I'm on my way to being someone I only have a conceptual awareness of right now, but I have no doubt that I'm capable of getting there.

This is why Life is so exciting to me.  It's this kind of change and awareness that recharges everything.  It doesn't mean I won't stumble, but it does mean that every time I do, I'll get back up and have a greater understanding of what happened, and I'll continue to learn and get stronger and walk taller.  I'm filled with gratitude.  Thank you...thank you...thank you. 

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