Notes on the Journey

Friday, December 11, 2015

Inhabiting Our Creation

I have signed the rental contract for my apartment in Uzes, France.  I have completed my pile of paperwork to submit to the French Consulate in Los Angeles for my long-stay visa.  I've done everything I can do at this point in terms of paperwork that will allow me to transport my cat, Sophie, internationally.  I've made my airline reservations and bought my one-way ticket to France.  And, I continue packing and vacating my life in San Diego.

Moving from one country to another is a complicated business.  As with all things, one doesn't really know what one is getting into until one starts on the path.  I have days of great accomplishment and I have days of feeling lost where I wander around and get nothing done.  But, on those days when nothing seemingly gets done, I think what's really happening is a lot of processing and integration.  A good deal might be happening in the world of form, but it's internally where things are really rearranging themselves.

We feel a pull to something, and we move toward the pull, but in order for us to open to a new way of being and living, we have to change within ourselves.  There is an alchemy that takes place within us that makes us able to move into and embrace the new life.  We have to become the person who is able to live the life we see for ourselves.  And, this type of alchemy takes a lot of energy.  As we walk forward physically, creating the change in form, we are being transformed internally so that we are able to vibrate in resonance with the new choices we're making.

As we move forward we're confronted by new ideas, new situations, new ways of doing things, new ways of perceiving things, new people, new places, new language, new culture.  It's all this newness that keeps things interesting and draws new Life through us.  It is the newness that expands us and grows us.  But, it is also the newness that tires us and overwhelms us and pushes us to our limits and beyond.  Some days I just want peace and comfort.  Some days I don't have the energy to greet the newness of things.  Some days I want to hide and pull the bed covers over my head.

I still have a lot of steps to walk through to get from San Diego to Uzes, France.  And, I do better when I focus on what's in front of me and do things as they show up to be done.  It's when I look ahead at everything yet to be done and all of what remains that it can seem overwhelming.  But, no matter what it is we ever do, it's done in bits and pieces, step by step.  I tend to get ahead of myself.  So, I need to constantly remind myself to stay present and to breathe.  I also need to remind myself how amazingly well things are going.  When I get ahead of myself I tend to fret when there's no real need to.  When I'm able to stay present, I calm down.

I'm excited and I'm terrified by the big changes I've put into motion for myself.  Big changes bring up big insecurities.  But, it's in walking through the big changes that we quiet the noise of the insecurities and find confidence in ourselves.  Change isn't easy.  When Life calls us to something, it's usually not because it's easy or safe or comfortable; it's because it's challenging and expanding and it's what grows us.  And, as I walk forward, I feel the new Life opening to me.  People show up to tell me things I need to know and help me along the way.  Synchronous things occur and events take place and the puzzle pieces fit together, because this is the way Life works when we inhabit our creation.

When we live and breathe and inhabit our creations, we grow into them and they form themselves around us.  This is how we draw Life through us.  This is how Life increases itself.  This is how the path appears out of nothing.  This is the dance.  It's a never-ending spiral, like a DNA strand.  Life, everlasting.  Life, constantly drawing us forward.  Life, in motion.  Life.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

All Is Well

The theme for this month's astrology forecast from The Power Path by Lena Stevens is "Transition."  And, I'm smack dab in the middle of huge transition.  I guess that makes me right on time, not that it feels like that.  It feels like chaotic free-fall.  But, I keep reminding myself that if I step on the path, the path will appear.  Yes.  Trust and let Life take the wheel.

My transition feels like a high-wire act with no net.  I have to let go of everything on one side of it in order to allow in what's on the other side.  No matter how trusting one thinks they are, this type of situation brings up all of one's insecurities.  I know to give my insecurities their space and let them talk away while not buying into them, but in the actual living of it, it's not always easy to do.  So, it's a bit of a see-saw emotionally.

Our egos are set up to be concerned for our survival.  And, homelessness, even transitional homelessness, gets the ego all stirred up.  Open-ended situations of blind trust are not where the ego shines.  But, in spite of all the warnings my ego is sending me, both through my own mental spinning as well as being reflected through people in my world, I continue forward into unknown territory.  The knowing that is emerging deep within me is that All Is Well.  I keep saying that to myself.  And, it's true, even though I have no idea what it's all going to look like.

I've got a lot of balls in the air right now, and it's going to take a few more days for the important ones to settle into the palm of my hand.  Time constraints keep cropping up around all of the elements involved.  But, so far, All Is Well.  I have a place to stay during the time I have to be out of my apartment in San Diego and when I leave for France, which, until yesterday, I didn't have.  All the things I own are literally flying out the door to all the craigslist angels who are coming to buy them.  Paperwork and insurance issues and health coverage issues and cat transport issues are coming together.  It's my final resting place in France that's still not completely settled, but the apartment situation is in process as I write this.

The place I thought I was going to live in near Montelimar did not end up being the right place for me once I saw it.  It was too far out in the country and too isolated for someone who wants to be able to walk to French classes and interact with French people in a village setting everyday.  I've made friends in Uzes, which was starting to feel like home when I left to come back to San Diego, and it was clear to me that that is where my heart is.

So, Transition, yes, with a capital "T."  Trust, yes, with a capital "T."  No matter what's happening, focus on what I'm creating, do not get distracted by the small stuff, and keep walking.  And, always remember that All Is Well.  Thank you, thank you, thank mantra.