I'm emotional today. Spirit is moving through me very strongly. Some days I'm more focused on 3D things in the world, but today is an internal day, a 5D day. The normal boundaries of things are a little fuzzy and a larger landscape overlays it all. My heart is open and I'm overcome with gratitude. Gratitude for things in particular, but not just that, it's more gratitude in general.
I'm moving. I'm selling my house. And, as I think about leaving my house, it makes me cry, but not in a bad way, in a grateful way. I love this house. It has nurtured me and given me sanctuary for the last three years. When I walked into it the first time, I felt at home. I knew it was my house. It was empty and a mess of disorder and construction and things were torn apart, but none of that mattered, it was my house.
This house has loved me. It opened itself to me and I received its gift. It's held me and protected me and sheltered me. It's surrounded me with its beauty, for it truly is a beautiful house. I can't just live anywhere, I need a certain esthetic, and this house filled that esthetic perfectly. It was everything I needed and wanted, and how many things can we say that about?
I nurtured it and improved it greatly while I lived here. We lifted each other up. The people who lived in it before me were abusive to it and a nuisance to the neighborhood. I still hear stories about them when I talk to my neighbors. But, when I moved into this house, it relaxed and felt soothed. We were quiet together. We created sacred space together. We honored each other.
There is a Deva for every house and building, and other Devas in the yard. I had a good relationship with the Devas of this house. We respected each other. They knew I loved the house and the land and would take care of them, and they welcomed me as part of the space. I had plans for the house that I never had the opportunity to bring into being, but maybe the next owner will do them. I hope they love the house as much as I have.
I had a break-in a week ago...it seems longer ago than that now...which was also a breakthrough. I'm not moving because of that. I was feeling a move coming before that, although I was languishing and not doing anything about it. But, once the break-in happened, it gave me the push into motion I needed and the house will be on the market next week. My friend recommended me to a wonderful realtor, who I feel very good about; and, things are moving forward in the way things do when it's their time. I don't know how long it will take for the house to sell, but I feel the buyers are close. It's already theirs and no longer mine.
I will be letting go of a lot of stuff in order to downsize and move into a smaller living space. But, it feels good to be getting rid of a lot of the burden of stuff I've accumulated. I love the deep cleansing and purging that a move requires. Each thing must be noticed and considered. Do I keep it? Or, do I let it go? Do I resonate with it? Is it still mine? Or, not. Do I need it? Or, is it just drag? It's amazing how we collect things as we go and then forget we have them or lose our ability to let them go. I've got things that haven't been touched the whole time I've lived here. I've got closets full of stuff that's totally unnecessary. I look at things and think, "Oh, I might need that." But, I haven't needed it in three years. Do I really need it? I don't think so. I look at other things and think, "Oh, that's so pretty." But, I have plenty of pretty things. I don't need drawers and closets full of them.
I confront the thought that says, "You might not be able to afford to buy that thing again." But, that's just a thought based in fear and lack. What I know is true, is that I'll always have what I need. I always have and I always will. Whatever I let go of now, if I need it again in the future, I'll be able to get it again. I look at certain things and think, "I got such a good deal on that. If I need it again, will I get such a good deal?" But, that doesn't matter. Getting a good deal on something is not a reason to keep it. And, if I need it again, I might even get a better deal than I got the first time. We can't know these things, and it doesn't matter. We let things go and know they'll come again if we need them. In the meantime, someone else needs these things and can put them to good use. If we hold things out of the flow, we limit our own flow.
And so, I look around and mentally sift through what I think I'll keep and what needs to go. Since the house hasn't sold yet, I haven't seriously looked for my next home, so I'm not sure what I'll need there. But, I'm composing a list of the things I continue to resonate with, and another list of the things that are asking for their freedom. Non-attachment. I'm still working on that one.
A photographer is coming on Sunday to take photos of my house for the website my realtor is creating for it. I'm cleaning and arranging and preparing. I'm doing things that I've been thinking of doing for a long time, but for some reason of complacency have not gotten around to. I'm sanding and patching and touching up with paint a few spots that are calling for it. Why didn't I do these things for myself? Why was it good enough for me, but it's not good enough for whoever will buy the house? I want to hide her flaws, cover her old wounds so the new buyers won't see what she's been through. Make her look her best. Spruce her up to show her off. Look at how beautiful and perfect she is! See how she draws you in and puts her arms around you!
She will choose her new owners. She will feel into and sift through those who come to see her. She will make her choice and open her arms to the new ones who will live in her and love her. And, they will feel her reach out to them. They will hear her and respond. They will feel drawn and compelled for reasons they might not understand, but they will know she's theirs. Maybe they will stay longer than I have. I feel a bit like a fickle lover, moving on so soon. But, I'm more of a renter than an owner. I like the freedom of renting over the commitment and responsibility of owning a house. I never know when my gypsy blood will stir and I'll be off to some new place.
Right now I'm craving more proximity to the mountains. I want to be on the outskirts of town rather than in the center of it. I want smaller and more intimate and manageable, rather than larger and more expansive. I can feel myself going into an internal mode because of what it's going to take to write the script that's been gestating in me for so long. And, I need a different space in order to bring it into being. There's a space opening for me right now, that will call me to it at the perfect moment. It will sing to me and I will hear it and find it among the many. And, it will be my nest while I birth the script that is ready to be born.
It's taken me twelve years of working with the books I have the rights to; twelve years of initiations; twelve years of traveling around the world and remembering and imprinting; twelve years of frustration; twelve years of confusion; twelve years of growth and transformation to get here. But, it's finally opened itself to me and started talking. There are no words to convey the relief and gratitude that wells up in me to have reached the point where it wants to be born. The new field is here and able to nurture and support it in a way that wasn't possible previously.
These books, this story, has lived me and pushed me and grown me into who I need to be to receive it. I had to let go of everything that has come before, and I'm still letting go. I've had to give up thinking I know so that the story could reveal itself to me. I've had to cleanse and heal myself so that I could hear the story clearly. I've had to go through certain experiences so that I could understand the characters more deeply. I've had to open the space. But now, everything I've been through is making sense. Everything I've been through is ready to be utilized.
I don't know how many stories I'll get to tell in this life. There are many that need telling. But, for now, I'm focused on the one in front of me. Stories choose us as much as we choose them, just like houses. This is the one that's called me and given itself to me, as I have given myself to it. This is the one I've developed a relationship with, the one that finally trusts me to tell it. This is the one I resonate with.
And so, I move forward. The lull between letting go of the past and embracing the now is done. I've traveled enough. I've rested enough. I've processed enough. I've integrated enough. I've waited long enough. The doors open and I walk through, into what I'm not sure, but I don't need to know, it will reveal itself to me as I go, because that's the way it works, especially now that the new field has established itself. Ama Ra, that's the name of the new field, that's how we can call her. And, as we use her name, we bring her more fully into being. We acknowledge her and make her real to us. We move into her and leave the old paradigm behind. We see the possibilities she offers and we open to them.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I couldn't be feeling more grateful. The list of things to be grateful for is endless, with life itself at the top. I'm grateful to be alive and to have the awareness that opens into a field of gratitude. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, however you spend it. And, whatever you do, take a few minutes to reflect on all the blessings you have to be grateful for and give thanks.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
The Break-in
My house was broken into yesterday morning...while I was here. It started with persistent doorbell ringing, which I chose to ignore. Mistake. (The police later told me that had I answered the door, the potential intruder would have gone on to another house.) Then, minutes later, I heard loud unidentifiable sounds, which, as it turns out, were made by the intruder breaking a double-paned, front side office window with a brick.
I was in the back of the house in my bedroom and bathroom when this was going on, but when I heard the loud noises, I thought I'd better go check out what was happening. My first thought was that the doorbell ringing had been my next door neighbor who'd come over to tell me that he was going to be doing some construction on his house that day. But, no.
As I started to walk out of my bedroom, I was confronted by the intruder who was walking into my bedroom. I had a moment of initial confusion as to why someone I didn't know was in my house, then the thought of "how did they get in?" followed. The next thing that happened was anger and adrenaline surged in my system and I started yelling at my unexpected visitor, "What are you doing here? What are you doing here?" My presence and loud yelling frightened him and he turned and ran away from me. I followed his retreating figure into the front of the house.
I have no idea why the words "What are you doing here?" were the ones to come out of my mouth, other than that the initial confusion of who he was and how he'd gotten in was still operating. And, even though, after the first few seconds had passed, I did have the awareness that the person was an uninvited intruder, the question continued to loop through my addled brain. I find it interesting that I didn't scream in terror and run away from him. Instead, I yelled loudly in anger and went after him. I'm lucky that my presence and yelling frightened him and that he ran from me, because I have no idea what I would have done if he'd chosen differently. But, he ran through the house and back out the broken window through which he'd come in, fleeing into the backyard and jumping over my six-foot wall into my neighbor's yard and out into the alley behind my house, leaving me uninjured and everything in the house untouched, except for the broken window.
We don't know what we'll do until confronted by an event or situation that reveals to us unknown parts of ourselves. How would you react if a burglar entered your house while you were there? Let me answer that for you...you don't know. You can imagine and surmise and intellectualize what you think you might do, but you actually have no idea. And, when confronted with something that triggers adrenaline rushing through your system and an action that needs to be taken, for most of us, our conscious mental processes go into instinctual mode and fight or flight responses take over. Whether we fight or flee in any particular circumstance is unknown until we're there. I hope you don't have to find out what you'd do. I hope you're not confronted by a situation that shows you.
I immediately called 911 and I'm beyond grateful for the wonderful man on the other end of that line. As the adrenaline drains from your system, the fear and the peril of the reality of the situation sinks in. And, in my case, I started to hyperventilate and dissolve into tears. The wonderful man on the other side of that phone line calmly talked to me and kept me from flying off into other dimensions. He stayed on the phone with me until the police officer arrived, God bless him. If you've never had to call 911, you might not realize how miraculous it is to connect to that person in the midst of personal trauma. I'm on my knees grateful for him and all those who work the phone lines.
The police officer who arrived quite quickly was also wonderful and reassuring and comforting. He calmly walked me through everything and had me fill out a report. Another officer arrived a bit later who dusted for fingerprints and investigated the scene more completely. Both of them were exceptional, calming and supportive. If you've never needed a quick response from the police, you might not realize how miraculous it is to have them show up. I immediately felt safe and protected in their presence. And, I'm on my knees grateful for them and for all of the police officers who put themselves on the line for each and every one of us everyday.
After the police left, I called to have the window replaced and the technician showed up within minutes. It wasn't long before I had a new window installed. I tore my office apart and cleaned up all the broken glass from the break-in and mopped the floor. Visually, except for the broken glass outside the window that had inextricably mixed in with the pebbles there, everything was back to the way it should be and there was no further evidence that my home had been invaded.
The evidence at this point was internal. By this time, it was almost five hours after the incident and I still hadn't reached a place of equilibrium. I hadn't had anything to eat or drink and, suddenly, I was ravenous. I hadn't had a shower yet and, even though I longed to feel the water wash over me, I was still feeling too vulnerable to let that happen. So, eating came first. The familiar process of cooking was calming and grounding, and, as the food entered my system, I could feel myself reground into my body and start to stabilize. Gratitude for the realization that I was okay and that my cats were okay and that my house was okay and that nothing had been destroyed or taken started to settle in. It could have been so much worse.
I'm still processing the fear and insecurity the incident triggered. Getting to sleep last night was not easy, but once I was asleep, I slept soundly. The saying of "having been put through the ringer" has a more visceral interpretation for me now. I find myself hyper-reactive to the sounds I hear in my house. I keep looking out the windows to make sure no one is slinking around where they shouldn't be. I don't want to leave the house, although I have to later today. The worst part of these types of events is that they shake you to your core. Your confidence and internal sense of security in the world is shaken. Your sense of trust is weakened. And, that weird bubble we form around ourselves that says, "This or that won't happen to me" is shattered forever. In fact, your reality as you've known it before is shattered forever, and will reform itself into something new.
But, the fact of getting snapped into the realization that we are vulnerable and that anything could happen at any time is not a bad thing. The result of more awareness and more vigilance is not a bad thing. I'm angry that the intruder took my illusion of safety from me, but it's not a bad thing.
I smudged the house with sage, I sprayed lavender all over in every room, and I used sound in the form of an Oriental ringing ball to break up the energies of fear, desperation, lack, limitation and victimization that had been left in the wake of the intrusion. I prayed unrelentingly, for myself and for the intruder. I realized that the only security I have is the internal security I carry within myself; and, that there is no security in physical things. And so, I lean into my core and my connection to Life and All That Is. I release from within myself all the old patterns that might have drawn this experience to me. I give thanks for it, that it brought me into awareness about the issues that are still operating within me in regard to fear, desperation, lack, limitation, and victimization. I work with Saint Germaine and the Violet Consuming Flame to cleanse and purge from my system anything that limits or weakens me in any way, anything that disempowers me or blocks the full flow of Life through me. I invoke the help of angels and of all my unseen, multidimensional guides and teachers. I take nothing for granted.
And so, today my world is new. Today I see and perceive differently. Today I feel more connected to Life and the Power behind, and inherent within, all creation. And, today I move forward, not as a victim, but even more empowered within myself than I was before. Even more connected. Even more aware. Stronger. Conscious. Cleansed. Renewed. Grateful.
I was in the back of the house in my bedroom and bathroom when this was going on, but when I heard the loud noises, I thought I'd better go check out what was happening. My first thought was that the doorbell ringing had been my next door neighbor who'd come over to tell me that he was going to be doing some construction on his house that day. But, no.
As I started to walk out of my bedroom, I was confronted by the intruder who was walking into my bedroom. I had a moment of initial confusion as to why someone I didn't know was in my house, then the thought of "how did they get in?" followed. The next thing that happened was anger and adrenaline surged in my system and I started yelling at my unexpected visitor, "What are you doing here? What are you doing here?" My presence and loud yelling frightened him and he turned and ran away from me. I followed his retreating figure into the front of the house.
I have no idea why the words "What are you doing here?" were the ones to come out of my mouth, other than that the initial confusion of who he was and how he'd gotten in was still operating. And, even though, after the first few seconds had passed, I did have the awareness that the person was an uninvited intruder, the question continued to loop through my addled brain. I find it interesting that I didn't scream in terror and run away from him. Instead, I yelled loudly in anger and went after him. I'm lucky that my presence and yelling frightened him and that he ran from me, because I have no idea what I would have done if he'd chosen differently. But, he ran through the house and back out the broken window through which he'd come in, fleeing into the backyard and jumping over my six-foot wall into my neighbor's yard and out into the alley behind my house, leaving me uninjured and everything in the house untouched, except for the broken window.
We don't know what we'll do until confronted by an event or situation that reveals to us unknown parts of ourselves. How would you react if a burglar entered your house while you were there? Let me answer that for you...you don't know. You can imagine and surmise and intellectualize what you think you might do, but you actually have no idea. And, when confronted with something that triggers adrenaline rushing through your system and an action that needs to be taken, for most of us, our conscious mental processes go into instinctual mode and fight or flight responses take over. Whether we fight or flee in any particular circumstance is unknown until we're there. I hope you don't have to find out what you'd do. I hope you're not confronted by a situation that shows you.
I immediately called 911 and I'm beyond grateful for the wonderful man on the other end of that line. As the adrenaline drains from your system, the fear and the peril of the reality of the situation sinks in. And, in my case, I started to hyperventilate and dissolve into tears. The wonderful man on the other side of that phone line calmly talked to me and kept me from flying off into other dimensions. He stayed on the phone with me until the police officer arrived, God bless him. If you've never had to call 911, you might not realize how miraculous it is to connect to that person in the midst of personal trauma. I'm on my knees grateful for him and all those who work the phone lines.
The police officer who arrived quite quickly was also wonderful and reassuring and comforting. He calmly walked me through everything and had me fill out a report. Another officer arrived a bit later who dusted for fingerprints and investigated the scene more completely. Both of them were exceptional, calming and supportive. If you've never needed a quick response from the police, you might not realize how miraculous it is to have them show up. I immediately felt safe and protected in their presence. And, I'm on my knees grateful for them and for all of the police officers who put themselves on the line for each and every one of us everyday.
After the police left, I called to have the window replaced and the technician showed up within minutes. It wasn't long before I had a new window installed. I tore my office apart and cleaned up all the broken glass from the break-in and mopped the floor. Visually, except for the broken glass outside the window that had inextricably mixed in with the pebbles there, everything was back to the way it should be and there was no further evidence that my home had been invaded.
The evidence at this point was internal. By this time, it was almost five hours after the incident and I still hadn't reached a place of equilibrium. I hadn't had anything to eat or drink and, suddenly, I was ravenous. I hadn't had a shower yet and, even though I longed to feel the water wash over me, I was still feeling too vulnerable to let that happen. So, eating came first. The familiar process of cooking was calming and grounding, and, as the food entered my system, I could feel myself reground into my body and start to stabilize. Gratitude for the realization that I was okay and that my cats were okay and that my house was okay and that nothing had been destroyed or taken started to settle in. It could have been so much worse.
I'm still processing the fear and insecurity the incident triggered. Getting to sleep last night was not easy, but once I was asleep, I slept soundly. The saying of "having been put through the ringer" has a more visceral interpretation for me now. I find myself hyper-reactive to the sounds I hear in my house. I keep looking out the windows to make sure no one is slinking around where they shouldn't be. I don't want to leave the house, although I have to later today. The worst part of these types of events is that they shake you to your core. Your confidence and internal sense of security in the world is shaken. Your sense of trust is weakened. And, that weird bubble we form around ourselves that says, "This or that won't happen to me" is shattered forever. In fact, your reality as you've known it before is shattered forever, and will reform itself into something new.
But, the fact of getting snapped into the realization that we are vulnerable and that anything could happen at any time is not a bad thing. The result of more awareness and more vigilance is not a bad thing. I'm angry that the intruder took my illusion of safety from me, but it's not a bad thing.
I smudged the house with sage, I sprayed lavender all over in every room, and I used sound in the form of an Oriental ringing ball to break up the energies of fear, desperation, lack, limitation and victimization that had been left in the wake of the intrusion. I prayed unrelentingly, for myself and for the intruder. I realized that the only security I have is the internal security I carry within myself; and, that there is no security in physical things. And so, I lean into my core and my connection to Life and All That Is. I release from within myself all the old patterns that might have drawn this experience to me. I give thanks for it, that it brought me into awareness about the issues that are still operating within me in regard to fear, desperation, lack, limitation, and victimization. I work with Saint Germaine and the Violet Consuming Flame to cleanse and purge from my system anything that limits or weakens me in any way, anything that disempowers me or blocks the full flow of Life through me. I invoke the help of angels and of all my unseen, multidimensional guides and teachers. I take nothing for granted.
And so, today my world is new. Today I see and perceive differently. Today I feel more connected to Life and the Power behind, and inherent within, all creation. And, today I move forward, not as a victim, but even more empowered within myself than I was before. Even more connected. Even more aware. Stronger. Conscious. Cleansed. Renewed. Grateful.
Friday, November 9, 2012
The Beautiful Bosque
The Rio Grande River runs through Albuquerque, splitting it into east and west sections. Along the river is the area known as the Bosque (Spanish for "woods"). And, right now, the entire Bosque is golden. All the trees have turned and it's breathtakingly beautiful.
It surprises me how suddenly and stunningly the leaves turn into such an array of deep color. One day things are green; and, the next day, everything is red and gold. It was only days ago that I wondered to myself when the trees along the Bosque would turn gold. This morning, I had to drive from where I live in the north eastern part of Albuquerque, across the river to the north western part of Albuquerque; and, as I drove over the river and then north along the western side of it, I was transfixed by the beauty of the acres and miles of golden trees. It's quite a site.
The photo to the left is the still-blooming lavender in my front yard with the gold and red trees in my neighbor's yard behind it. I'm just dazzled by the richness of the colors I see all around me. And, I'm so happy to be here to experience it this year. I missed my wisteria blooming earlier, so I'm extra grateful to be here for the fall colors now.
We had our first winter weather blow through today. It started out very gray this morning and we got a nice amount of rain. Now, the sky has cleared to blue with huge fluffy white clouds patched through it. The late afternoon sun is shining and bringing everything to brilliant life.
Albuquerque is one of those places that kind of creeps up on you. At first impression, you'd be a rare person to find it beautiful, although it's very beautiful. Many people who come here just blow through on their way to Santa Fe or Taos, which are very different geographies. But, if you're lucky enough to stay for a while, or to come here for multiple visits, the beauty of the place reveals itself to you, and you become enchanted by it. Which is one of the reasons New Mexico is called the Land of Enchantment.
There are many things to be enchanted by in this simple and sometimes stark place. And, I truly find myself grateful everyday to be able to call Albuquerque home. There aren't that many places I've been where I'm struck by beauty on a daily basis, but this is one of those places. I'm fed and nurtured by the beauty here in a very special way. There are many types of beauty, and Albuquerque is in the desert and might not be everyone's idea of what a beautiful place looks like, but I would encourage them to be more observant and not to overlook it, or to dismiss it unexamined.
Wherever you live, I hope you're fed and nurtured by its beauty. I hope you appreciate the nature by which you're surrounded. And, if you're not surrounded by nature, then I hope you appreciate that one tree or one plant that graces your environment. I'm mostly overcome with gratitude these days, which makes me more observant and appreciative of my surroundings. But, for those of you who might be caught up with work and the everyday stresses of living, and who've forgotten to notice the beauty around you, I would encourage you to have a "stop and smell the roses" moment. It's so refreshing and renewing to stop for a moment and take in the beauty that's right next to us. Look up into the blue of the sky. Watch the clouds move overhead. Notice the plants and the trees. Soak up a ray of sunshine. Simple things that take just a second, but that can give us a whole new perspective. And, when we do it and feel grateful for it, we've uplifted our whole day.
If we can just feel gratitude for any small thing in our lives, it reshapes everything and opens us to receive what Life wants to give us on a much larger scale. I was sick yesterday and felt miserable. I spent the greater part of the day making trips back and forth from my bed to the bathroom and then rolling around groaning in between. But, as I lay there in my misery, I felt compassion for everyone anywhere in the world who is sick or in pain. And, I was grateful that, for me, the misery would be brief and temporary. I was grateful for my caring cats who cuddled me all day because they knew I wasn't feeling well. I was grateful for the fluffy blanket that kept me warm. I was grateful that I had a roof over my head. So many things to be grateful for.
Even though feeling gratitude has been easier for me lately, I'm consciously creating a habit of being grateful. Whenever I find myself feeling down or moving into a dark place, I change my point of focus to one that illicits gratitude. Sometimes I wallow a bit before I realize what I'm doing, but then I catch myself and move my awareness to something that makes me grateful. And, I'm immediately uplifted. There's no shortage of things to be grateful for, even if it's just that I'm alive. Because, if it's our intention to be grateful, we'll find something to take us there. And, no matter how difficult things seem, with just a small change in focus we can move ourselves into a place of gratitude. And, what I've found for myself, is that once I'm in a place of gratitude, solutions to whatever seems to be plaguing me in the moment seem to reveal themselves.
So, for now, I'm grateful for the fall colors and the beauty that surrounds me and for my ability to see it and appreciate it. What are you grateful for? Find something. Right now. And then, revel in it. Sink into it and let the gratitude take you and have its way with you. Yes. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It's pretty much the antidote for whatever ails you. And, it might not fix whatever you think the current problem is, but it will make you feel better about it. So, if it's not your habit to be grateful, try it. Next time you feel yourself going down, switch it up and feel grateful instead. You'll be amazed at the difference it makes.
It surprises me how suddenly and stunningly the leaves turn into such an array of deep color. One day things are green; and, the next day, everything is red and gold. It was only days ago that I wondered to myself when the trees along the Bosque would turn gold. This morning, I had to drive from where I live in the north eastern part of Albuquerque, across the river to the north western part of Albuquerque; and, as I drove over the river and then north along the western side of it, I was transfixed by the beauty of the acres and miles of golden trees. It's quite a site.
We had our first winter weather blow through today. It started out very gray this morning and we got a nice amount of rain. Now, the sky has cleared to blue with huge fluffy white clouds patched through it. The late afternoon sun is shining and bringing everything to brilliant life.
Albuquerque is one of those places that kind of creeps up on you. At first impression, you'd be a rare person to find it beautiful, although it's very beautiful. Many people who come here just blow through on their way to Santa Fe or Taos, which are very different geographies. But, if you're lucky enough to stay for a while, or to come here for multiple visits, the beauty of the place reveals itself to you, and you become enchanted by it. Which is one of the reasons New Mexico is called the Land of Enchantment.
There are many things to be enchanted by in this simple and sometimes stark place. And, I truly find myself grateful everyday to be able to call Albuquerque home. There aren't that many places I've been where I'm struck by beauty on a daily basis, but this is one of those places. I'm fed and nurtured by the beauty here in a very special way. There are many types of beauty, and Albuquerque is in the desert and might not be everyone's idea of what a beautiful place looks like, but I would encourage them to be more observant and not to overlook it, or to dismiss it unexamined.
Wherever you live, I hope you're fed and nurtured by its beauty. I hope you appreciate the nature by which you're surrounded. And, if you're not surrounded by nature, then I hope you appreciate that one tree or one plant that graces your environment. I'm mostly overcome with gratitude these days, which makes me more observant and appreciative of my surroundings. But, for those of you who might be caught up with work and the everyday stresses of living, and who've forgotten to notice the beauty around you, I would encourage you to have a "stop and smell the roses" moment. It's so refreshing and renewing to stop for a moment and take in the beauty that's right next to us. Look up into the blue of the sky. Watch the clouds move overhead. Notice the plants and the trees. Soak up a ray of sunshine. Simple things that take just a second, but that can give us a whole new perspective. And, when we do it and feel grateful for it, we've uplifted our whole day.
If we can just feel gratitude for any small thing in our lives, it reshapes everything and opens us to receive what Life wants to give us on a much larger scale. I was sick yesterday and felt miserable. I spent the greater part of the day making trips back and forth from my bed to the bathroom and then rolling around groaning in between. But, as I lay there in my misery, I felt compassion for everyone anywhere in the world who is sick or in pain. And, I was grateful that, for me, the misery would be brief and temporary. I was grateful for my caring cats who cuddled me all day because they knew I wasn't feeling well. I was grateful for the fluffy blanket that kept me warm. I was grateful that I had a roof over my head. So many things to be grateful for.
Even though feeling gratitude has been easier for me lately, I'm consciously creating a habit of being grateful. Whenever I find myself feeling down or moving into a dark place, I change my point of focus to one that illicits gratitude. Sometimes I wallow a bit before I realize what I'm doing, but then I catch myself and move my awareness to something that makes me grateful. And, I'm immediately uplifted. There's no shortage of things to be grateful for, even if it's just that I'm alive. Because, if it's our intention to be grateful, we'll find something to take us there. And, no matter how difficult things seem, with just a small change in focus we can move ourselves into a place of gratitude. And, what I've found for myself, is that once I'm in a place of gratitude, solutions to whatever seems to be plaguing me in the moment seem to reveal themselves.
So, for now, I'm grateful for the fall colors and the beauty that surrounds me and for my ability to see it and appreciate it. What are you grateful for? Find something. Right now. And then, revel in it. Sink into it and let the gratitude take you and have its way with you. Yes. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It's pretty much the antidote for whatever ails you. And, it might not fix whatever you think the current problem is, but it will make you feel better about it. So, if it's not your habit to be grateful, try it. Next time you feel yourself going down, switch it up and feel grateful instead. You'll be amazed at the difference it makes.
Monday, November 5, 2012
It's the Journey
The sun is getting ready to sink behind the trees across the street, and it's only 4:30pm! It seems shockingly early for the sun to be setting. But, it always feels this way when we go back to Standard Time after enjoying Daylight Savings Time. You wouldn't think an hour could make such a difference, but it makes a huge difference. Now, it feels like winter is here. Not because the weather is any different than it was a few days ago, but because the days are suddenly so much shorter.
I had rather the endless summer this year. I spent February in the Philippines working, where the weather was warm and lovely, and the days were long. Then, I went to India and Nepal, traveling on my own until May, where the weather was warm to scorching hot, and the days were long and lazy. When I got back to Albuquerque in May, it was summer. So, I've had a very prolonged run of warm, elongated days for quite a while now. And, I was very ready for a change. When the air got cooler and the leaves started to turn, I found it very exciting to be moving into a new season. But, losing the hour of daylight we have with Daylight Savings Time is always difficult.
But now, it's time to go inside, in ways both physical and spiritual. I started the 21-Day Meditation Challenge that Deepak Chopra is doing through the Oprah Network today. It seemed like the perfect thing to do. Mercury goes retrograde tomorrow, so that's even more assistance to going inside. And, next Monday, I'm starting a 30-Day Mini-Movie Method screenwriting structure class, which also seems like the perfect thing to do. Both of these endeavors will take me more deeply into myself. And, the cooler weather and shorter days will only assist my focus.
I've been turning more and more inward for a while now, and then the opportunities showed up to really take advantage of that inward turning. And, not only to take advantage of it, but to enhance it. I've been being very mindful lately, and even though I haven't resonated with any kind of meditative practice up until now, it does seem to finally be the time where meditation will be possible. The major reason I stopped script supervising was to allow myself the time and focus to write a screenplay that's been growing in me for a very long time. The screenwriting class I'm going to be taking seems like the perfect step to get me going at this point. Structure has been a major hangup for me, and this class should move me past that hangup.
It's not always easy to let the flow of Life bring us what we need in the most advantageous time. We usually want things to happen much more quickly than they do. I've historically pushed against the flow of Life in my attempts to move things along faster than they seem to be happening. But, it hasn't helped. It doesn't help. It only creates anxious anxiety and unnecessary stress. Relaxing into the flow of Life brings so much more ease to things. Knowing that things will happen in their own time, and allowing that flow to unfold, makes Life so much more enjoyable. But, it's taken me a very long time to integrate that. I knew it before, but I didn't "get" it. I kinda got it. But, I didn't really get it.
Because so much of what I'm currently experiencing in the unfolding of my life has been such a long time coming, it makes it all that much more sweet. Up until now, life has seemed difficult on a number of levels. But, I'm realizing that that was the nature of the way I looked at things. I've actually had a very blessed life, but had trouble fully enjoying it. As much as I would have considered myself to be an optimistic person, I often was more focused on what was wrong rather than on what was right at any given moment. I was always trying to fix things instead of appreciating where I was. I was fixated upon my past and focused on my future instead of enjoying what was going on right now. But, finally, gratefully, those patterns are changing.
What I'm going to say sounds simple. And, many people teach it...or, try to teach it to resisting souls such as myself. But, being present in the now with whatever is going on, and truly being grateful for the experience, whatever it is, is the most expansive and receptive way to live Life. As much trust as it's taken to live a free-lance existence for so long, my levels of trust are deepening now and allowing me to live in a much more present and grateful state. Instead of beating myself up for not doing whatever it was I thought I should be doing, I'm grateful for each day, whether I "do" anything or not. And, I'm finding that by being present and grateful, Life is opening up, and opportunities are showing up, in ways that previously wouldn't have been possible.
For me, it took making the decision to retire to allow myself to reach this place. Or, maybe I had reached this place, which is why I chose to retire. But, either way, it doesn't matter. I'm here. The long, hard road is falling away behind me; and, a new road is opening before me. How often has someone told you, "It's a process"? For me, more times than I can count. "It's the journey, not the destination." "Be in the moment." And, on and on. I've heard them and I've said them, and I've thought I understood them. But, it's only now that I'm finally able to live them.
And so, I enter the darkness of winter with gratitude. I appreciate the internal nature of this time of year. I embrace the assistance it gives me on my journey. And, I open to the gifts that it offers. I open to myself and the gift of revelation that is. I open to all the parts of myself that have remained hidden for so long. I open the channels of expression that have searched for release. I open to my talents and creativity and set them free. I accept and open to each moment as it comes, knowing that each one is a gift. And, I let Life happen, instead of trying to make it happen. It's such a relief.
I had rather the endless summer this year. I spent February in the Philippines working, where the weather was warm and lovely, and the days were long. Then, I went to India and Nepal, traveling on my own until May, where the weather was warm to scorching hot, and the days were long and lazy. When I got back to Albuquerque in May, it was summer. So, I've had a very prolonged run of warm, elongated days for quite a while now. And, I was very ready for a change. When the air got cooler and the leaves started to turn, I found it very exciting to be moving into a new season. But, losing the hour of daylight we have with Daylight Savings Time is always difficult.
But now, it's time to go inside, in ways both physical and spiritual. I started the 21-Day Meditation Challenge that Deepak Chopra is doing through the Oprah Network today. It seemed like the perfect thing to do. Mercury goes retrograde tomorrow, so that's even more assistance to going inside. And, next Monday, I'm starting a 30-Day Mini-Movie Method screenwriting structure class, which also seems like the perfect thing to do. Both of these endeavors will take me more deeply into myself. And, the cooler weather and shorter days will only assist my focus.
I've been turning more and more inward for a while now, and then the opportunities showed up to really take advantage of that inward turning. And, not only to take advantage of it, but to enhance it. I've been being very mindful lately, and even though I haven't resonated with any kind of meditative practice up until now, it does seem to finally be the time where meditation will be possible. The major reason I stopped script supervising was to allow myself the time and focus to write a screenplay that's been growing in me for a very long time. The screenwriting class I'm going to be taking seems like the perfect step to get me going at this point. Structure has been a major hangup for me, and this class should move me past that hangup.
It's not always easy to let the flow of Life bring us what we need in the most advantageous time. We usually want things to happen much more quickly than they do. I've historically pushed against the flow of Life in my attempts to move things along faster than they seem to be happening. But, it hasn't helped. It doesn't help. It only creates anxious anxiety and unnecessary stress. Relaxing into the flow of Life brings so much more ease to things. Knowing that things will happen in their own time, and allowing that flow to unfold, makes Life so much more enjoyable. But, it's taken me a very long time to integrate that. I knew it before, but I didn't "get" it. I kinda got it. But, I didn't really get it.
Because so much of what I'm currently experiencing in the unfolding of my life has been such a long time coming, it makes it all that much more sweet. Up until now, life has seemed difficult on a number of levels. But, I'm realizing that that was the nature of the way I looked at things. I've actually had a very blessed life, but had trouble fully enjoying it. As much as I would have considered myself to be an optimistic person, I often was more focused on what was wrong rather than on what was right at any given moment. I was always trying to fix things instead of appreciating where I was. I was fixated upon my past and focused on my future instead of enjoying what was going on right now. But, finally, gratefully, those patterns are changing.
What I'm going to say sounds simple. And, many people teach it...or, try to teach it to resisting souls such as myself. But, being present in the now with whatever is going on, and truly being grateful for the experience, whatever it is, is the most expansive and receptive way to live Life. As much trust as it's taken to live a free-lance existence for so long, my levels of trust are deepening now and allowing me to live in a much more present and grateful state. Instead of beating myself up for not doing whatever it was I thought I should be doing, I'm grateful for each day, whether I "do" anything or not. And, I'm finding that by being present and grateful, Life is opening up, and opportunities are showing up, in ways that previously wouldn't have been possible.
For me, it took making the decision to retire to allow myself to reach this place. Or, maybe I had reached this place, which is why I chose to retire. But, either way, it doesn't matter. I'm here. The long, hard road is falling away behind me; and, a new road is opening before me. How often has someone told you, "It's a process"? For me, more times than I can count. "It's the journey, not the destination." "Be in the moment." And, on and on. I've heard them and I've said them, and I've thought I understood them. But, it's only now that I'm finally able to live them.
And so, I enter the darkness of winter with gratitude. I appreciate the internal nature of this time of year. I embrace the assistance it gives me on my journey. And, I open to the gifts that it offers. I open to myself and the gift of revelation that is. I open to all the parts of myself that have remained hidden for so long. I open the channels of expression that have searched for release. I open to my talents and creativity and set them free. I accept and open to each moment as it comes, knowing that each one is a gift. And, I let Life happen, instead of trying to make it happen. It's such a relief.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Enjoy Your Season
I went on a reccie (reconnaisance mission) yesterday to check out some of the nearby trailheads. I found three different places that looked very promising, but the third place I went to was the place with which I felt the most resonance. It was the Elena Gallegos Open Space area at the base of the Sandia Mountains in the northeastern part of Albuquerque.
I paid the $1.00 fee to enter, put the stub on my dashboard and slowly started the drive up into the area from the entry booth. It was quiet and I saw no one as I rolled past the sparsely-located picnic areas. At the top of the roadway, where it curves around to start back down, there were a number of parking spaces near the entrances to the two main trailheads that went up into the wadi from the road. Wadi is an Arabic word for a geology for which I don't actually have an English word. It's a type of steep valley that exists between two mountains or hills. The Elena Gallegos wadi goes up between two points of the Sandias. It's about 6,500 feet where the road up to the parking spaces is and then slopes up from there to the 10,378 foot crest of the mountain.
I wasn't planning to walk up into the wadi today, I just wanted to get a sense of the space and how the trails laid out. So, I continued past the parking area for the trailheads and wound back down through the picnic area toward the entry booth again. I almost drove past by the last picnic area, but I felt drawn to pull in and stop. I left my car in the parking space and walked down the incline to the cement picnic table and benches that were covered by a wooden roof suspended by four stone and cement pillars. Next to the seating area was an open grill stand, and I wondered how many hamburgers and hot dogs had been cooked on it. I sat down into a ray of sunshine on the low wall made of stone and cement that edged the picnic table on two sides.
Albuquerque is quiet. And, I live in a very quiet, older neighborhood and have gotten very used to the quiet with which I'm surrounded most of the time. But, at the open space area, it was even more quiet than normal. I was amazed that no one from among the approximately 550,000 souls who live in Albuquerque and the surrounding area had found their way to where I was on this particular day.
As I sat there and relaxed into the place it started to come alive. A crow cawed loudly as it flew by, and I could hear smaller birds chirping as they flitted about. I heard the buzz of insects who were busy in the scrub at my feet. I heard the crunch of human feet walking through gravelly dirt in the distance, quite a ways away from my perch. I saw an airplane silently circling over the valley below on its approach to the airport. I noticed a mountain peak to the south that looked like Middle Earth or Narnia through the haze. The volcanos appeared as blips on the landscape as I looked west toward the horizon. The breeze gently blew my hair and I became very aware of my scalp and my hair follicles and how the wind brushed my skin. The sun warmed me as I sat there and I noticed that it was warmer on my cheekbone than on my cheek.
I sat there for a very long time. The life of the place, and my connection to the earth as I sat there, was so nurturing and subtly energizing. And, it validated for me how important it is to get outside and commune with nature. I can putter around the house for days on end, but it can be very insular. Getting outside and into nature is very grounding and balancing. We're electrified by all the technology and wiring we're surrounded with, and nature pulls some of that out of us. We can also forget how much beauty there is to enjoy and, by getting out into nature, we're reminded of it.
This new, quieter and more relaxed place I've found within myself is opening my world up in unexpected ways. As I sink deeper within myself, I'm able to commune more deeply with my environment. I hear better. I see better. My sense of smell is more acute. The slightest touch of the breeze is suddenly sensual. This relaxation into myself is filling me with new life; is making room for more life. I feel more finely tuned; softer, yet more defined. And, as I deepen my relationship with myself, I deepen my relationship with the earth. I feel more whole, more connected, more present, more in my body.
As the noise that dominated my thought processes has lost its grip, and the quiet has descended over my reality, I've started to gain a sense of the vastness of All That Is. I've started to open up to my multidimensional nature. I've started to get a taste of who I AM. I am filled with a sense of wonder and gratitude. It's like I'm waking up after a long sleep. I'm shaking off the grogginess and stepping into a new and alert place. Everything sings with a new vitality. I'm moving into a stronger place of trust and beginning to feel safe in the world. I'm amazed on a daily basis.
Even when I was working, I made sure to take time off and I did a lot of traveling. Getting out of my everyday environment was like hitting the reset button, and I always came back renewed and grateful, ready for the next job. But, now that I've let go of the cycle of work and going from job to job, and I'm finally able to relax in a way that a couple of weeks, or even a couple of months does not allow, my life is opening up and showing me different things.
There are many seasons in our lives, and I'm entering into and becoming familiar with the one I'm living right now. My whole experience is so much richer than I've allowed myself up until now. And, as I look back, I wish I'd been able to be as present with the previous seasons of my life as I am with this one. I encourage you to find ways to slow down and relax and sink more deeply into your life. Enjoy each and every season for the wonder that it is. Each and every day is a revelation of abundance. Don't let any of it pass by unnoticed or unappreciated.
Stop, and take a breath. Really. Breathe. Long and deep and slow. Let it fill not just your lungs, but each and every cell of your being. Breathing brings us into the body and focuses us. Breathing connects us into the larger energy that lives us. Breathing brings awareness, alertness and sensitivity. If you can't stop, at least hesitate. And, breathe. If you can't get away physically, get away inside. Unhook. Disengage from what holds you. Breathe. Reset. Step back. Breathe. As the breath moves through the body, the muscles will start to relax, the tension will start to drain away, the noise will dissipate, and things will get quiet. Now...from this place...move forward.
Enjoy your season, whatever it is. Whatever is happening, be grateful. Because, no matter how many lives we live, each one is unique and special. Each one is precious. Enjoy it. Enjoy your season.
I paid the $1.00 fee to enter, put the stub on my dashboard and slowly started the drive up into the area from the entry booth. It was quiet and I saw no one as I rolled past the sparsely-located picnic areas. At the top of the roadway, where it curves around to start back down, there were a number of parking spaces near the entrances to the two main trailheads that went up into the wadi from the road. Wadi is an Arabic word for a geology for which I don't actually have an English word. It's a type of steep valley that exists between two mountains or hills. The Elena Gallegos wadi goes up between two points of the Sandias. It's about 6,500 feet where the road up to the parking spaces is and then slopes up from there to the 10,378 foot crest of the mountain.
I wasn't planning to walk up into the wadi today, I just wanted to get a sense of the space and how the trails laid out. So, I continued past the parking area for the trailheads and wound back down through the picnic area toward the entry booth again. I almost drove past by the last picnic area, but I felt drawn to pull in and stop. I left my car in the parking space and walked down the incline to the cement picnic table and benches that were covered by a wooden roof suspended by four stone and cement pillars. Next to the seating area was an open grill stand, and I wondered how many hamburgers and hot dogs had been cooked on it. I sat down into a ray of sunshine on the low wall made of stone and cement that edged the picnic table on two sides.
Albuquerque is quiet. And, I live in a very quiet, older neighborhood and have gotten very used to the quiet with which I'm surrounded most of the time. But, at the open space area, it was even more quiet than normal. I was amazed that no one from among the approximately 550,000 souls who live in Albuquerque and the surrounding area had found their way to where I was on this particular day.
As I sat there and relaxed into the place it started to come alive. A crow cawed loudly as it flew by, and I could hear smaller birds chirping as they flitted about. I heard the buzz of insects who were busy in the scrub at my feet. I heard the crunch of human feet walking through gravelly dirt in the distance, quite a ways away from my perch. I saw an airplane silently circling over the valley below on its approach to the airport. I noticed a mountain peak to the south that looked like Middle Earth or Narnia through the haze. The volcanos appeared as blips on the landscape as I looked west toward the horizon. The breeze gently blew my hair and I became very aware of my scalp and my hair follicles and how the wind brushed my skin. The sun warmed me as I sat there and I noticed that it was warmer on my cheekbone than on my cheek.
I sat there for a very long time. The life of the place, and my connection to the earth as I sat there, was so nurturing and subtly energizing. And, it validated for me how important it is to get outside and commune with nature. I can putter around the house for days on end, but it can be very insular. Getting outside and into nature is very grounding and balancing. We're electrified by all the technology and wiring we're surrounded with, and nature pulls some of that out of us. We can also forget how much beauty there is to enjoy and, by getting out into nature, we're reminded of it.
This new, quieter and more relaxed place I've found within myself is opening my world up in unexpected ways. As I sink deeper within myself, I'm able to commune more deeply with my environment. I hear better. I see better. My sense of smell is more acute. The slightest touch of the breeze is suddenly sensual. This relaxation into myself is filling me with new life; is making room for more life. I feel more finely tuned; softer, yet more defined. And, as I deepen my relationship with myself, I deepen my relationship with the earth. I feel more whole, more connected, more present, more in my body.
As the noise that dominated my thought processes has lost its grip, and the quiet has descended over my reality, I've started to gain a sense of the vastness of All That Is. I've started to open up to my multidimensional nature. I've started to get a taste of who I AM. I am filled with a sense of wonder and gratitude. It's like I'm waking up after a long sleep. I'm shaking off the grogginess and stepping into a new and alert place. Everything sings with a new vitality. I'm moving into a stronger place of trust and beginning to feel safe in the world. I'm amazed on a daily basis.
Even when I was working, I made sure to take time off and I did a lot of traveling. Getting out of my everyday environment was like hitting the reset button, and I always came back renewed and grateful, ready for the next job. But, now that I've let go of the cycle of work and going from job to job, and I'm finally able to relax in a way that a couple of weeks, or even a couple of months does not allow, my life is opening up and showing me different things.
There are many seasons in our lives, and I'm entering into and becoming familiar with the one I'm living right now. My whole experience is so much richer than I've allowed myself up until now. And, as I look back, I wish I'd been able to be as present with the previous seasons of my life as I am with this one. I encourage you to find ways to slow down and relax and sink more deeply into your life. Enjoy each and every season for the wonder that it is. Each and every day is a revelation of abundance. Don't let any of it pass by unnoticed or unappreciated.
Stop, and take a breath. Really. Breathe. Long and deep and slow. Let it fill not just your lungs, but each and every cell of your being. Breathing brings us into the body and focuses us. Breathing connects us into the larger energy that lives us. Breathing brings awareness, alertness and sensitivity. If you can't stop, at least hesitate. And, breathe. If you can't get away physically, get away inside. Unhook. Disengage from what holds you. Breathe. Reset. Step back. Breathe. As the breath moves through the body, the muscles will start to relax, the tension will start to drain away, the noise will dissipate, and things will get quiet. Now...from this place...move forward.
Enjoy your season, whatever it is. Whatever is happening, be grateful. Because, no matter how many lives we live, each one is unique and special. Each one is precious. Enjoy it. Enjoy your season.
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