I have signed the rental contract for my apartment in Uzes, France. I have completed my pile of paperwork to submit to the French Consulate in Los Angeles for my long-stay visa. I've done everything I can do at this point in terms of paperwork that will allow me to transport my cat, Sophie, internationally. I've made my airline reservations and bought my one-way ticket to France. And, I continue packing and vacating my life in San Diego.
Moving from one country to another is a complicated business. As with all things, one doesn't really know what one is getting into until one starts on the path. I have days of great accomplishment and I have days of feeling lost where I wander around and get nothing done. But, on those days when nothing seemingly gets done, I think what's really happening is a lot of processing and integration. A good deal might be happening in the world of form, but it's internally where things are really rearranging themselves.
We feel a pull to something, and we move toward the pull, but in order for us to open to a new way of being and living, we have to change within ourselves. There is an alchemy that takes place within us that makes us able to move into and embrace the new life. We have to become the person who is able to live the life we see for ourselves. And, this type of alchemy takes a lot of energy. As we walk forward physically, creating the change in form, we are being transformed internally so that we are able to vibrate in resonance with the new choices we're making.
As we move forward we're confronted by new ideas, new situations, new ways of doing things, new ways of perceiving things, new people, new places, new language, new culture. It's all this newness that keeps things interesting and draws new Life through us. It is the newness that expands us and grows us. But, it is also the newness that tires us and overwhelms us and pushes us to our limits and beyond. Some days I just want peace and comfort. Some days I don't have the energy to greet the newness of things. Some days I want to hide and pull the bed covers over my head.
I still have a lot of steps to walk through to get from San Diego to Uzes, France. And, I do better when I focus on what's in front of me and do things as they show up to be done. It's when I look ahead at everything yet to be done and all of what remains that it can seem overwhelming. But, no matter what it is we ever do, it's done in bits and pieces, step by step. I tend to get ahead of myself. So, I need to constantly remind myself to stay present and to breathe. I also need to remind myself how amazingly well things are going. When I get ahead of myself I tend to fret when there's no real need to. When I'm able to stay present, I calm down.
I'm excited and I'm terrified by the big changes I've put into motion for myself. Big changes bring up big insecurities. But, it's in walking through the big changes that we quiet the noise of the insecurities and find confidence in ourselves. Change isn't easy. When Life calls us to something, it's usually not because it's easy or safe or comfortable; it's because it's challenging and expanding and it's what grows us. And, as I walk forward, I feel the new Life opening to me. People show up to tell me things I need to know and help me along the way. Synchronous things occur and events take place and the puzzle pieces fit together, because this is the way Life works when we inhabit our creation.
When we live and breathe and inhabit our creations, we grow into them and they form themselves around us. This is how we draw Life through us. This is how Life increases itself. This is how the path appears out of nothing. This is the dance. It's a never-ending spiral, like a DNA strand. Life, everlasting. Life, constantly drawing us forward. Life, in motion. Life.