I love the world. There are spiritual disciplines that say we shouldn't love the world, that we should love "heaven," whatever that is. I haven't consciously experienced heaven anywhere but here on Earth, so I don't know about the other heaven...the one we go to when we drop this physical vehicle. I'm sure it's nice there, people who've had what we call near-death experiences say it's beautiful beyond description. And, when I have that experience, I'm sure it will be wonderful. But, right now, I love the world. I love Earth.
I love the contrasts. I love the choices. I love the endless experiences and the constantly changing contexts. I love the unsurpassing beauty that just takes your breath away. I love the huge variety of life forms that populate this amazing planet. I love the green of the forests and the meadows. I love the brown starkness of the deserts. I love the mountain ranges and the sweeping valleys. I love the oceans and the rivers and all the bodies of water. I love the animals, and most especially the animals I have the blessing to live with. I love the people, as exasperating as they can be sometimes. But, people can also be amazing and loving and generous and supportive.
I love the whole 3D experience. I'm very aware of it because it's going away. We're moving into 5D, and I know that is going to be amazing because I've had experiences of it, but it will be amazing in its own way, not in the way we're used to in 3D. I'm grateful that I'm aware of what's happening and can truly let the love I have for 3D have it's full expression as it's on its way out. I'm grateful for everything we have here. I'm grateful for being here in a body at this time. And, the love I'm experiencing for this journey and this place fills me to overflowing.
I had a horrible day today, and the horribleness started early and lasted for way too long. I had a frustrating, fruitless, angry, efforting, out-of-sync, misaligned, cranky, terrible day. It didn't have to be that way, but that's the way it was because of the way I reacted to things that happened. As I look back over the day, I realize it could have been a very different day had I been responding to what was happening instead of in reaction to it. But, reaction was the order of the day. My attachment to the way I wanted things to be was very strong today. This was not a bob and flow day, a day in which I adapted to what was happening with grace and acceptance; it was a day in which I met most of what happened with great resistance, and whatever grace there was had nothing to do with me.
You don't plan these types of days. You don't get up and consciously decide to have a bad day, but they happen anyway. And, whatever initiation was up for me today, I certainly wasn't ready for it; it caught me off guard and ground me into dust. And, when I look back at the events of the day, I marvel at how little it took to grind me into dust. Poof! And, I'm dust. Where is that core strength when I need it? No where to be found today. Thank goodness, by now, I've worn myself out and don't have the strength to fight anymore. The day is over, the resistance gone, and all that's left is an aching tiredness.
But, the amazing thing is, that in the aftermath of my battle through this day, there is a quiet, and my heart is open and filled with love. How did that happen? How did I go from the depths of darkness of my ego personality into the depths of the lightness of my soul? I don't know. I didn't consciously do a thing to facilitate that transformation, it happened all on its own. A miracle. And, I'm grateful. Grace has finally found me, even though I did everything to avoid it. The relief is huge. Life please save me from another day like today. But, Life won't save me, not from another day like today, or from anything else, because Life contains it all. Life doesn't differentiate between good and bad, Life just is. It was my decision to label today bad. It was my decision to go into reaction to the things that presented themselves. It could have been a completely different day had I made different decisions.
We're never victims, although there are times and days we'd like to think so, and react as if we are. But, we're not. No matter what happens, we're not. And, there are days like today to help me remember that. All of what was up today for me was up because it was asking permission to go, but I guess I wasn't quite ready to let it go, because instead of saying thanks and good bye, I got caught in it and went into reaction instead. But, I'll get another chance. It will all come up again and ask to go in another way and on another day, and I'll get to see if I'm ready to say good bye or not at that time. Life just keeps giving us chances. Over and over and over. It's like our very own personal "Groundhog Day." That's a reference to a movie for those of you who haven't seen it. And, if you haven't seen it, I would highly recommend it. It's a very spiritual movie in very funny clothing.
I'm grateful that love has again found a place in my heart and has expanded itself into fullness. I'm grateful that I no longer feel like a raw nerve running around. I'm grateful that, in my exhaustion, I've settled into a loving and expansive state. And, right now, I'm loving life; I'm loving the world. All of it.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Live Strong
I'm damaged. It's 46 degrees in Albuquerque and I think it's warm. I've even got the door to the balcony open. In California, this would be cold. I think my blood has gotten thicker. And, five thousand feet seems normal; except I'm still trying to work out the effects the altitude has on cooking and baking.
I've been cooking. Amazing for me. I haven't cooked to any extent for over thirty years. When I was working, I didn't have time. And, when I was off, I didn't want to. The mentality when I was off work was to enjoy every second of it and rest as much as possible, because when the next job came, I wouldn't have a second to myself. But now, I have time and I'm actually enjoying being in the kitchen and cooking. My friend, Judi, gave me a series of cooking lessons for Christmas and it's been so much fun learning to cook and trying things out. There's something very Zen about cooking...washing, chopping, mixing, stirring. And, it's so satisfying when it turns out well and tastes delicious.
But, I do find cooking for other people to be more fun than just cooking for myself. Plus, when I cook for myself, there's usually too much food, and I'm not always able to eat it before it starts to go bad. I'm learning to freeze things, which is also new for me; and, particularly helpful when I end up with too much food. I'm getting ready to bake bread. I've pulled out some recipes and my friend, Mary Karen, who makes the most delicious bread, has given me her recipe, so now it's time to try it.
I made bread in my early twenties in my hippie days, but it never turned out that well. It was very dense and the loaves were always too small. I think I didn't get the rising and punching down part right. But now, I'm ready to try again. Hopefully, my touch will have improved with age.
I've felt very solitary lately, and spending time in the kitchen cooking and baking has been very nurturing. My adjustment to not working in the way I'm used to is still an ongoing process. I've got this misconception about how at some point the adjustment will end and I'll get into some kind of groove with it, but I think not. I think the process of living, which is what it is, will continue unabated, and that the adjustment to what each day presents will be a constant unknown. It's very 3D of me to think that at some point I'll know what's supposed to happen every day; to think that my adjustment to being retired from script supervising is a finite thing.
The truth is, there is no normal, there never has been. There is no end to adjustment to daily life, and no known future stretching out before me. But, there is more comfort with the unknown, and I like being able to create each day as I want depending on what shows up or how I feel. I still struggle somewhat with guilt over what I "should" be doing instead of what I am doing, but I'm getting better with that.
I watched the Lance Armstrong interviews with Oprah on television the last couple of nights. His mistakes are huge, but we've all made huge mistakes. The difference is that his process is playing out on the world stage. We've all lied. Maybe not to the extent he did, but we've done it none the less. We've all hurt and betrayed people, sometimes knowing we were doing it, and sometimes doing it out of ignorance and unconsciousness. And, many of us have doped; maybe not in competitive sports in order to gain an advantage, but doped none the less. And, we've all done things we knew were wrong in order to gain an advantage. We've all been in denial in any number of ways. It takes courage for any of us to come clean after perpetuating a lie, but it takes particular courage to come clean on the level that Lance Armstrong is doing it.
I'm amazed that the interview with Oprah went over two nights and lasted for two and a half hours. After watching it, I felt it was a bit over done. Too fine a point had been put on it. Too much public humiliation had happened. Digging for details of the offenses and asking how he feels and what he's said to his children seemed overly invasive. I thought he handled himself very well under what must have been intense pressure, but he's honed that skill over a lifetime. All he can really say is that he lied and acted very badly and hurt a lot of people and reiterate over and over how sorry he is for doing it. Coming into consciousness and taking responsibility for his past transgressions is probably not enough for a lot of people though. We tend to want to punish people for their mistakes, to make sure they're feeling enough shame and guilt over what they've done. This behavior makes the recovery very difficult for whoever is being crucified in the moment. But, I do feel that Lance Armstrong has the ability to recover and live a different life, no matter how hard people would like to make it for him to do so.
Lance Armstrong has had two big wakeup calls in his life...cancer, and the revelation of his lying and doping. How many wakeup calls have we all had? I've had multiple wakeup calls, and I can't say I've always paid attention to them, which is why they've come again and again and gotten worse and worse until I did. Who of us is able to throw the stone? Truthfully, none of us. We would all do much better to take what's happening to Lance Armstrong to heart, look within and heal the things we each have to heal than to point fingers at him. Anyone who plays out this type of drama on the world stage is doing it for all of us. Before the lies and doping came to light, he was living the life that many people would like to have had. He was showing us what was possible, showing us what any of us could accomplish with hard work, focus and concentration. And now, that everything has fallen apart, he's showing us what we all need to heal. He's showing us another kind of courage.
It's easy to look at Lance Armstrong and think he's a bad person, but he's not. He did some very damaging things, both to himself and to other people, but that doesn't make him a bad person. We can't throw the baby out with the bath water. But, it's what we tend to do with people. We love to label people as good or bad or selfish or...whatever...choose your adjective. And, once we've decided someone is bad, we're done with them. But, doing a bad thing does not a bad person make. We've all done bad things. Life isn't black and white, good and bad, right and wrong. Life is complicated and messy and hurtful and sometimes hard to figure out, and the worst things can, and often do, have silver linings if we look for them.
Lance Armstrong has a long journey ahead of him and a lot of personal work to do, but so do we all. And, opening our hearts in compassion to him in the shared process of coming into greater awareness, will only help all of us. If we can open our hearts, even when things are difficult, then we're well on the way to having better lives.
So, let's open to and utilize the lessons Lance Armstrong is highlighting for all of us. Let's open our hearts. Let's Live Strong.
I've been cooking. Amazing for me. I haven't cooked to any extent for over thirty years. When I was working, I didn't have time. And, when I was off, I didn't want to. The mentality when I was off work was to enjoy every second of it and rest as much as possible, because when the next job came, I wouldn't have a second to myself. But now, I have time and I'm actually enjoying being in the kitchen and cooking. My friend, Judi, gave me a series of cooking lessons for Christmas and it's been so much fun learning to cook and trying things out. There's something very Zen about cooking...washing, chopping, mixing, stirring. And, it's so satisfying when it turns out well and tastes delicious.
But, I do find cooking for other people to be more fun than just cooking for myself. Plus, when I cook for myself, there's usually too much food, and I'm not always able to eat it before it starts to go bad. I'm learning to freeze things, which is also new for me; and, particularly helpful when I end up with too much food. I'm getting ready to bake bread. I've pulled out some recipes and my friend, Mary Karen, who makes the most delicious bread, has given me her recipe, so now it's time to try it.
I made bread in my early twenties in my hippie days, but it never turned out that well. It was very dense and the loaves were always too small. I think I didn't get the rising and punching down part right. But now, I'm ready to try again. Hopefully, my touch will have improved with age.
I've felt very solitary lately, and spending time in the kitchen cooking and baking has been very nurturing. My adjustment to not working in the way I'm used to is still an ongoing process. I've got this misconception about how at some point the adjustment will end and I'll get into some kind of groove with it, but I think not. I think the process of living, which is what it is, will continue unabated, and that the adjustment to what each day presents will be a constant unknown. It's very 3D of me to think that at some point I'll know what's supposed to happen every day; to think that my adjustment to being retired from script supervising is a finite thing.
The truth is, there is no normal, there never has been. There is no end to adjustment to daily life, and no known future stretching out before me. But, there is more comfort with the unknown, and I like being able to create each day as I want depending on what shows up or how I feel. I still struggle somewhat with guilt over what I "should" be doing instead of what I am doing, but I'm getting better with that.
I watched the Lance Armstrong interviews with Oprah on television the last couple of nights. His mistakes are huge, but we've all made huge mistakes. The difference is that his process is playing out on the world stage. We've all lied. Maybe not to the extent he did, but we've done it none the less. We've all hurt and betrayed people, sometimes knowing we were doing it, and sometimes doing it out of ignorance and unconsciousness. And, many of us have doped; maybe not in competitive sports in order to gain an advantage, but doped none the less. And, we've all done things we knew were wrong in order to gain an advantage. We've all been in denial in any number of ways. It takes courage for any of us to come clean after perpetuating a lie, but it takes particular courage to come clean on the level that Lance Armstrong is doing it.
I'm amazed that the interview with Oprah went over two nights and lasted for two and a half hours. After watching it, I felt it was a bit over done. Too fine a point had been put on it. Too much public humiliation had happened. Digging for details of the offenses and asking how he feels and what he's said to his children seemed overly invasive. I thought he handled himself very well under what must have been intense pressure, but he's honed that skill over a lifetime. All he can really say is that he lied and acted very badly and hurt a lot of people and reiterate over and over how sorry he is for doing it. Coming into consciousness and taking responsibility for his past transgressions is probably not enough for a lot of people though. We tend to want to punish people for their mistakes, to make sure they're feeling enough shame and guilt over what they've done. This behavior makes the recovery very difficult for whoever is being crucified in the moment. But, I do feel that Lance Armstrong has the ability to recover and live a different life, no matter how hard people would like to make it for him to do so.
Lance Armstrong has had two big wakeup calls in his life...cancer, and the revelation of his lying and doping. How many wakeup calls have we all had? I've had multiple wakeup calls, and I can't say I've always paid attention to them, which is why they've come again and again and gotten worse and worse until I did. Who of us is able to throw the stone? Truthfully, none of us. We would all do much better to take what's happening to Lance Armstrong to heart, look within and heal the things we each have to heal than to point fingers at him. Anyone who plays out this type of drama on the world stage is doing it for all of us. Before the lies and doping came to light, he was living the life that many people would like to have had. He was showing us what was possible, showing us what any of us could accomplish with hard work, focus and concentration. And now, that everything has fallen apart, he's showing us what we all need to heal. He's showing us another kind of courage.
It's easy to look at Lance Armstrong and think he's a bad person, but he's not. He did some very damaging things, both to himself and to other people, but that doesn't make him a bad person. We can't throw the baby out with the bath water. But, it's what we tend to do with people. We love to label people as good or bad or selfish or...whatever...choose your adjective. And, once we've decided someone is bad, we're done with them. But, doing a bad thing does not a bad person make. We've all done bad things. Life isn't black and white, good and bad, right and wrong. Life is complicated and messy and hurtful and sometimes hard to figure out, and the worst things can, and often do, have silver linings if we look for them.
Lance Armstrong has a long journey ahead of him and a lot of personal work to do, but so do we all. And, opening our hearts in compassion to him in the shared process of coming into greater awareness, will only help all of us. If we can open our hearts, even when things are difficult, then we're well on the way to having better lives.
So, let's open to and utilize the lessons Lance Armstrong is highlighting for all of us. Let's open our hearts. Let's Live Strong.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
3D, 4D, 5D
In my last post, I talked about letting go of the 3D matrix, but I didn't talk about what 3D is specifically so that it would be clear what I was talking about letting go of. As I was realizing the need to explain the dimensions, I found an email that had been in my inbox for a while that had links to videos on YouTube that I hadn't watched yet. I decided to take the time to watch them, and low and behold, they had information about the dimensions that was very clear and helpful, which I'm going to include in this post. The videos were of Jim Self, whose website is www.masteringalchemy.com. If you're interested in watching the same videos I did, here are the links:
"Help! 3D Is Going Away" - Part 1 - about 15 minutes
"Help! 3D Is Going Away" - Part 2 - about 15 minutes
I haven't watched this video yet, but is seems to be the complete version of "Help! 3D Is Going Away" and it's almost two hours
So...in terms of what we are in the process of letting go of in the third dimension, the following should help in that understanding...separation; either/or; judgment; will; efforting; set and rigid thinking and belief; always/never; inflexibility; linear time; conditional thinking; rigid structures and concepts; carbon-based physicality; polarity; fear/safety; good/bad; shame/embarrassment/humiliation; past/future; reactive thinking and behavior based in the past; unforgiving; lies. That should give you a good idea of how the third dimension works and the overlay of the way of being that it engenders.
When we find ourselves in judgment of another person or an event or way of doing something, we're operating out of our habitual third dimensional way of thinking. When we feel ourselves being run by the restrictive concept of linear time instead of utilizing the flexibility of time to serve us, then we are operating from our habitual concept of third dimensional time. If we're looking at something as either/or, this or that, instead of, this and that, then we're operating out of our habitual third dimensional concept of what's possible. Wherever we catch ourselves feeling shame, embarrassment or humiliation, we're still operating in the reactive state of a 3D reality based on an event in the past. If we can't forgive someone, or something we've done, or we're lying to defend ourselves from the revelation of some unwanted truth, we're operating within the old 3D matrix.
As we relax into the new field, these old ways of being will fall away. But, the more aware we are of our state of being, the better able we are to catch ourselves when we move into the old habitual way of being. The new field is here, it's for us to open into it, to relax into it, to lean into it, to let it support us and show us a new way. We need to keep asking ourselves, "Is there a better way?" when we find ourselves in 3D operating in the old way. And, new and better ways will reveal themselves as we go as long as we're open to them. It's for us to be open to the new ways and to let go of the old structures and rigidities.
We don't talk about 4D as much as we do about 3D and 5D, but we move between all three dimensions all the time. 4D is present time, being in the now and moving in a place of choice, not reaction based on the past. 4D is flexible and open and full of paradox - what was true isn't necessarily true now. 4D time is not a fixed structure that runs us, but a flexible thing that can be utilized. Anytime we're in a creative zone and forget the time, we're in 4D. When we're fully present with what is happening in the moment, and filtering information and making choices based on that immediate, current stream of data, we're in 4D. 4D has always been available to us within the 3D matrix, and as we move into 5D, it will become more the norm than the exception.
5D is the new field that we're moving into, have moved into. It is lighter, less dense. We have less to work through to connect to the Divine and All That Is. In 3D, we needed to have a strong will to get things done because of the density we were working in. But, in 5D, it's about operating within the flow of Life and opening to what is already present. It isn't to say that there won't be challenge, but the level of efforting we needed in 3D will not be needed in 5D. In 5D, we will relax and open to the field and the path will reveal itself. It will be for us to be willing to receive it and act on it, but we will have the revelation of what it is for us to do.
5D includes appreciation, gratitude, co-creation, beauty, dignity, integrity, unconditional ways of being, unity, and crystalline-based physical vehicles. We know what all of these things are, but we are in the process of making these ways of being habitual. In 5D, we will appreciate new ideas and ways of doing things instead of resisting them. We will be grateful for what is rather than focusing on what isn't. We will be in co-creation with each other and the new field, rather than working alone. We will see and create beauty, and we will realize the dignity inherent in all Life. We will operate in integrity for the good of the whole and not be ruled by selfish aims. Greed will be a thing of the past. All of our conditions that we impose on ourselves and others will no longer be in place. We'll accept and appreciate each other for who we are, and not try to change ourselves or others in order to be what we think we should be, or to be what another wants us to be. We'll be free to be ourselves, and to be the best we can be in our own authenticity; to create and express in co-creation with the All. This is what is here now. This is what we are opening into. This is where we are all going.
All of us who embrace the new ways of being help the new field to become stronger for everyone. Awareness is growing. People are looking at better ways to do things that are good for the collective, that are good for the environment, that empower us. People are questioning the old ways and seeing how they don't serve us anymore. People are breaking out of the old limitations and restrictions that are no longer able to hold us back. Old structures are falling apart to make way for new ways of being and doing things. People are rising up to say "no" to violence, and are realizing that there is a better way. There are endless positive signs of change and growth. If we can focus on what is changing and growing for the better, instead of the remnants of the past that are fighting for their lives, we will strengthen what is trying to change and grow. It is for us to move our focus from what was into what is. It is for us to choose our reality, to open to the new field and connect into the All and leave the past to itself.
Our bodies are also changing from a carbon-based system into a crystalline-based system, and there are symptoms of this physical change that we will experience that won't be comfortable and might be confusing. Our relativity to food will change and we won't respond to the foods we've always responded to. Our typical way of eating will change and we will want different and new kinds of foods. New kinds of foods will reveal themselves and old kinds of foods will lose favor. My rule of thumb, in terms of any physical symptoms I might be experiencing, is that if they last for a week then I better get to the doctor. If they come and go, and I seem to be okay generally, then it's most likely a vibrational transitional symptom. Lately, I've been experiencing some vertigo and dizziness, but it comes and goes and doesn't seem serious. When the base of our reality is changing, it can cause vertigo and dizziness until we adjust to the new level of vibration. Each of us has to feel these things out to determine what might need medical attention and what we just need to ride out. Being tuned in to our bodies, and making these types of determinations, increases our awareness in general.
Don't forget that we're not here by accident. We're here because we wanted to be here. We're here because we volunteered for this grand experiment. We wanted to be among the first humans to ever experience the shift from 3D to 5D while in the body. And, we're doing it! We're already successful. We're already there. We're showing that this transition is possible for all life everywhere. We're laying new track that will be followed for eons on other worlds and in other realities. We're the pioneers and Earth is the frontier. We're not on the Starship Enterprise, we're on Starship Earth, and we're going where no human has gone before.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Living our Best Lives
I hope you've all had a wonderful holiday season. We made it through the 12/12/12 and the 12/21/12, although with less fanfare than many expected. We put such a burden of expectation on those dates that it would be difficult not to be a bit disappointed. But, I do feel an upswing in the energy, and I do feel the new field grounding into our reality; or, us being uplifted into the new field, however one wants to look at it.
We had snowfall yesterday in ABQ, and today there is still snow on the ground. From the look of the cars in the parking spaces below me, we got another dusting of snow in the night, which I'm grateful for; we need the moisture so badly. It's been a very dry year for us so far. But, I do enjoy the sun and the blue sky dotted with fluffy white clouds. Rabbits and roadrunners do their thing below me in the scrub of the open space outside my window. And, all is well here.
I managed to get totally unpacked and settled into my new space for the New Year. I'm loving my new apartment. It's much smaller than my house, but has plenty of room for me and the kitties. It's intimate and easier to clean and maintain, and the view is spectacular.
I think 2013 is going to be a good year. It might hold some upheaval and tribulation, some dismantling of what no longer serves us and some restructuring, but it also holds endless possibility and creativity and inspiration. We're through the portal that was 12/21/12 and we're into a new paradigm. Time is gone, although we're so in the habit of time, that it might take a while for us to fully realize it. Many of our soul contracts expired on the 21st, so now Life is wide open to whatever we choose to create.
Gaia is holding the 3D polarity as long as she can as she opens into 5D and the new field. She's doing this to make the transition easier for all of us who are on the ride with her, but at a certain point, she will need to let go of the 3D matrix and move fully into 5D. As long as we stay in sync with her as she makes her transition, we'll not notice any drastic changes along the way. That's not to say it's all going to be easy, but at least not drastic. Stay open to what comes and break the habit of 3D along the way. When the 3D matrix finally falls away, those of us who want to make the transition with Gaia will want to be able to let it go and not go with it.
I encourage you to dream big, and to not limit yourself in any way. Let's make 2013 our break-out year. What is your heart's desire? What is it that's been gnawing at you to give it expression? Let yourself have it. Let yourself be it. Everything exists in the all of Life, it is for us to allow it into being. Step into it. The only limitations are those we impose on ourselves. Let's take the blinders off.
However 2013 shows up, whatever it holds, and whatever each of us decides to do, I hope we're able to accept it all with grace and gratitude. I hope we're able to allow ourselves the full expression of Life to flow through us unobstructed. I hope the veils of our hearts drop away and we open into the fullness of the Love that we are. I hope we all allow the creation of our heart's desires, both for our own benefit and for the benefit of all Life everywhere. The field is open. All possibility lies before us. Let's live our best lives...now.
We had snowfall yesterday in ABQ, and today there is still snow on the ground. From the look of the cars in the parking spaces below me, we got another dusting of snow in the night, which I'm grateful for; we need the moisture so badly. It's been a very dry year for us so far. But, I do enjoy the sun and the blue sky dotted with fluffy white clouds. Rabbits and roadrunners do their thing below me in the scrub of the open space outside my window. And, all is well here.
I managed to get totally unpacked and settled into my new space for the New Year. I'm loving my new apartment. It's much smaller than my house, but has plenty of room for me and the kitties. It's intimate and easier to clean and maintain, and the view is spectacular.
I think 2013 is going to be a good year. It might hold some upheaval and tribulation, some dismantling of what no longer serves us and some restructuring, but it also holds endless possibility and creativity and inspiration. We're through the portal that was 12/21/12 and we're into a new paradigm. Time is gone, although we're so in the habit of time, that it might take a while for us to fully realize it. Many of our soul contracts expired on the 21st, so now Life is wide open to whatever we choose to create.
Gaia is holding the 3D polarity as long as she can as she opens into 5D and the new field. She's doing this to make the transition easier for all of us who are on the ride with her, but at a certain point, she will need to let go of the 3D matrix and move fully into 5D. As long as we stay in sync with her as she makes her transition, we'll not notice any drastic changes along the way. That's not to say it's all going to be easy, but at least not drastic. Stay open to what comes and break the habit of 3D along the way. When the 3D matrix finally falls away, those of us who want to make the transition with Gaia will want to be able to let it go and not go with it.
I encourage you to dream big, and to not limit yourself in any way. Let's make 2013 our break-out year. What is your heart's desire? What is it that's been gnawing at you to give it expression? Let yourself have it. Let yourself be it. Everything exists in the all of Life, it is for us to allow it into being. Step into it. The only limitations are those we impose on ourselves. Let's take the blinders off.
However 2013 shows up, whatever it holds, and whatever each of us decides to do, I hope we're able to accept it all with grace and gratitude. I hope we're able to allow ourselves the full expression of Life to flow through us unobstructed. I hope the veils of our hearts drop away and we open into the fullness of the Love that we are. I hope we all allow the creation of our heart's desires, both for our own benefit and for the benefit of all Life everywhere. The field is open. All possibility lies before us. Let's live our best lives...now.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Receptivity and the New Field
In my last post, I titled it "Enjoy Every Minute," but better would have been "Receive Every Minute." Humanly, it's difficult to enjoy every minute. Some minutes are excruciating and painful; but, it is possible to receive every minute.
What we've done is to go into resistance when something is unpleasant, uncomfortable, painful, sad or otherwise unwanted. If we were able to receive every minute, it would mean that we were able to be with whatever was happening in the truth of it, not in resistance to it. Once we go into resistance, we shut down the truth of the experience. We stop receiving whatever the experience is and don't allow it to move through our being. This is how we get stuck, or loop on what we consider to be a negative experience. Resistance has been an effective survival technique, but we're at a point where receptivity actually serves us better than resistance.
My cat, Buddy, got sick and I took him to the vet the end of last week. At first, the vet broke my heart by telling me that she thought Buddy was in kidney failure. I cried for a very long time, during which the vet was running tests to see what was really going on with Buddy. And, during that time, I totally went into the energy of grieving, thinking that I might lose him. And, by going through that, I opened my heart even more to him--which I didn't know was even possible, considering how much already I love him--and love just flooded my being. I surrendered into the grief, I surrendered into the sadness of his loss and let all those emotions move through me. And then, the vet called to tell me that, happily, Buddy's kidneys were just fine, and that he had some type of unknown infection that they were giving him antibiotics for and that he had a hyperthyroid condition, for which I will have to give him continuing medication every day for the rest of his life. But, he was fine in general. Thank goodness!
Buddy has recovered and is eating and will hopefully gain back the four pounds of weight he's lost over the last year. He's now wandering around the house talking and yelling at me like he always does. And, the love I opened into during my period of grief is still present. Buddy is now even more beloved that he was before. I'm more present to him and more grateful for him than I was before.
Yesterday, I went to an event for 12/21/12. During this event, people were speaking about what they thought the new field would bring, and what they wanted to affirm or manifest for themselves in the new field. Many people were saying that we should, or they hoped we would, choose love instead of fear. And, even though that's a nice idea, the words struck me as incongruent to the new field. The new field, Ama Ra, is unity. In the new field, duality is not the way things are set up. There is no either/or, there is all. And, in the very concept that we should choose love, it sets up the duality that there is something other than love that could be chosen. When love is all there is, there is no other choice to be made, even when it looks like another choice has been made or could be made.
The other word that bothered me, in the context of choosing love, is the word love itself. We've used the word love in the human context of how we feel toward another human being or animal or thing. We understand it as an emotion, but not as a state of being. Yes, love is all there is, but what is love really? How do we define love? Isn't love total acceptance of another, total receptivity of another, total support of another...as well as the same things for ourselves? That is the way the new field is in regard to us. We are part and parcel in and of the new field. We are totally accepted, received and supported by the new field. It holds and is all that is, and we are in unity with that. I AM that I AM. And, that is love. But, it's a kind of love that our word for love can't come close to expressing. We need a new word for this all inclusive field and experience.
The new field receives every moment in the truth of what it is, no matter what it is. There is no judgment, or veil of perspective through which things are filtered; there is open, all inclusive acceptance and receptivity. The field responds to the truth of the moment, not to some expectation or judgment of what that moment should be. When we are able to receive every moment without resistance, we're in resonance with the new field. We might have a response to whatever the moment is presenting, but if we're able to be with it in the truth of what it is, we won't go into reaction. Going into reaction is the same as going into resistance. We react to things that are other than what we want them to be. We respond to things when we're able to see them in the truth of what they are.
The new field operates through resonance. We vibrate and resonate with what we are and what we are creating in the world. And, it is through this resonance that we connect with and operate in the new field. We need to learn to do things a bit differently than we've done them in the past. While we were in 3D, and struggling through the density that that implies, we needed a certain amount of drive and will to get things done. There was a lot to work through. But, now that we're in 5D, it's about relaxing and connecting into the field and resonating with what we're bringing into being. It's not about an ego-based will, it's about holding the resonance of what we're creating, vibrating with it, and aligning that vibration with the field. At that point, we're linked in intention into the field and it can then bring forth what we've energetically implanted. It's a much more feminine way of doing things.
We connect, implant the vibration into the field, resonate with it, and allow it into being. There will be actions to be taken, and the field will give those to us, so our part is to listen and to act as we are guided. In this way, it's like having a conversation with the field. We implant our creations and then listen as we're told what to do. In the beginning, as we all get used to working with the new field, it might take a little more focus and intent than it will once we've become accustomed to the process. But, as we get familiar with it, it will become the norm of how we operate. It will mean much less effort and more grace. It also requires clarity and a focus of intention and vibration. But, we will learn to be better at these things as we go.
And, in order to be in the most receptivity with the field, we need to be able to move through life in a state of receiving every moment without resistance. See the truth, respond to the truth. The truth might not be what we want to happen, or to see or experience, but if we're able to receive it none the less, our response to it will be effective and appropriate. Life contains all level of experience, and when we're able to accept that that means things will happen that are out of our range of preferences, and stop judging our experiences against some expectation of how we think things should be happening, we're more able to see the truth of what is happening and then respond to it, instead of go into reaction to it.
We might not be able to enjoy every moment, but we can certainly receive every moment and be present with whatever is happening. We can learn to allow the truth of what's happening to move through us without resistance. We can open up and release everything that's gone before that's gotten stuck because of our resistance. We can relax into the new field and let it support us. There are so many more possibilities available to us now. Life is a new game with new ways of being. Open and receive the gift that it is. Receive every moment.
What we've done is to go into resistance when something is unpleasant, uncomfortable, painful, sad or otherwise unwanted. If we were able to receive every minute, it would mean that we were able to be with whatever was happening in the truth of it, not in resistance to it. Once we go into resistance, we shut down the truth of the experience. We stop receiving whatever the experience is and don't allow it to move through our being. This is how we get stuck, or loop on what we consider to be a negative experience. Resistance has been an effective survival technique, but we're at a point where receptivity actually serves us better than resistance.
My cat, Buddy, got sick and I took him to the vet the end of last week. At first, the vet broke my heart by telling me that she thought Buddy was in kidney failure. I cried for a very long time, during which the vet was running tests to see what was really going on with Buddy. And, during that time, I totally went into the energy of grieving, thinking that I might lose him. And, by going through that, I opened my heart even more to him--which I didn't know was even possible, considering how much already I love him--and love just flooded my being. I surrendered into the grief, I surrendered into the sadness of his loss and let all those emotions move through me. And then, the vet called to tell me that, happily, Buddy's kidneys were just fine, and that he had some type of unknown infection that they were giving him antibiotics for and that he had a hyperthyroid condition, for which I will have to give him continuing medication every day for the rest of his life. But, he was fine in general. Thank goodness!
Buddy has recovered and is eating and will hopefully gain back the four pounds of weight he's lost over the last year. He's now wandering around the house talking and yelling at me like he always does. And, the love I opened into during my period of grief is still present. Buddy is now even more beloved that he was before. I'm more present to him and more grateful for him than I was before.
Yesterday, I went to an event for 12/21/12. During this event, people were speaking about what they thought the new field would bring, and what they wanted to affirm or manifest for themselves in the new field. Many people were saying that we should, or they hoped we would, choose love instead of fear. And, even though that's a nice idea, the words struck me as incongruent to the new field. The new field, Ama Ra, is unity. In the new field, duality is not the way things are set up. There is no either/or, there is all. And, in the very concept that we should choose love, it sets up the duality that there is something other than love that could be chosen. When love is all there is, there is no other choice to be made, even when it looks like another choice has been made or could be made.
The other word that bothered me, in the context of choosing love, is the word love itself. We've used the word love in the human context of how we feel toward another human being or animal or thing. We understand it as an emotion, but not as a state of being. Yes, love is all there is, but what is love really? How do we define love? Isn't love total acceptance of another, total receptivity of another, total support of another...as well as the same things for ourselves? That is the way the new field is in regard to us. We are part and parcel in and of the new field. We are totally accepted, received and supported by the new field. It holds and is all that is, and we are in unity with that. I AM that I AM. And, that is love. But, it's a kind of love that our word for love can't come close to expressing. We need a new word for this all inclusive field and experience.
The new field receives every moment in the truth of what it is, no matter what it is. There is no judgment, or veil of perspective through which things are filtered; there is open, all inclusive acceptance and receptivity. The field responds to the truth of the moment, not to some expectation or judgment of what that moment should be. When we are able to receive every moment without resistance, we're in resonance with the new field. We might have a response to whatever the moment is presenting, but if we're able to be with it in the truth of what it is, we won't go into reaction. Going into reaction is the same as going into resistance. We react to things that are other than what we want them to be. We respond to things when we're able to see them in the truth of what they are.
The new field operates through resonance. We vibrate and resonate with what we are and what we are creating in the world. And, it is through this resonance that we connect with and operate in the new field. We need to learn to do things a bit differently than we've done them in the past. While we were in 3D, and struggling through the density that that implies, we needed a certain amount of drive and will to get things done. There was a lot to work through. But, now that we're in 5D, it's about relaxing and connecting into the field and resonating with what we're bringing into being. It's not about an ego-based will, it's about holding the resonance of what we're creating, vibrating with it, and aligning that vibration with the field. At that point, we're linked in intention into the field and it can then bring forth what we've energetically implanted. It's a much more feminine way of doing things.
We connect, implant the vibration into the field, resonate with it, and allow it into being. There will be actions to be taken, and the field will give those to us, so our part is to listen and to act as we are guided. In this way, it's like having a conversation with the field. We implant our creations and then listen as we're told what to do. In the beginning, as we all get used to working with the new field, it might take a little more focus and intent than it will once we've become accustomed to the process. But, as we get familiar with it, it will become the norm of how we operate. It will mean much less effort and more grace. It also requires clarity and a focus of intention and vibration. But, we will learn to be better at these things as we go.
And, in order to be in the most receptivity with the field, we need to be able to move through life in a state of receiving every moment without resistance. See the truth, respond to the truth. The truth might not be what we want to happen, or to see or experience, but if we're able to receive it none the less, our response to it will be effective and appropriate. Life contains all level of experience, and when we're able to accept that that means things will happen that are out of our range of preferences, and stop judging our experiences against some expectation of how we think things should be happening, we're more able to see the truth of what is happening and then respond to it, instead of go into reaction to it.
We might not be able to enjoy every moment, but we can certainly receive every moment and be present with whatever is happening. We can learn to allow the truth of what's happening to move through us without resistance. We can open up and release everything that's gone before that's gotten stuck because of our resistance. We can relax into the new field and let it support us. There are so many more possibilities available to us now. Life is a new game with new ways of being. Open and receive the gift that it is. Receive every moment.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Enjoy Every Minute
I'm sitting in my new apartment in my office, looking out my window that faces west. It's sunrise and I'm struck by the beauty that lies before me. We've had our first real snow, so there's a blanket of white over the landscape and I can see a little brown bunny hopping around amid the sparse scrub that dots the white. Off to the far mountains there's an amazing color of turquoise along the horizon, and above it pink-tinged clouds that reach up to the gray overcast that is most of the sky. There is a patch of clearing though, so who knows how much more snow we'll get today.
It's been a little over a month since my house was broken into, and in that month I've sold my house--it sold in two days for full list price!--found a lovely apartment at the base of the mountain--I found it the day the offer came in--and moved. I finally got all of my things into the apartment three days ago; not put away mind you, just all in one place. It feels great.
I've sold, given away and donated about half of my belongings. The people who've taken and/or received them are very happy with their new things, and I'm very happy to have less things. As I go through what's left, I'm still realizing that much of it has to go. I had put a number of things on my porch/balcony--I'm on the second floor--which are now covered with snow; and, I'm realizing that I must give most of what's out there away before it gets ruined by the weather.
This is what I wanted. I'm on the edge of the city at the base of the mountain. I have a view and a sense of expansion. There's a pool and a hot tub on the property, although I doubt I'll use them until the summer. The kitties are getting used to their new space, and because they all came in together, and none of them had a chance to stake out their territory ahead of the others, they're getting along better and utilizing the whole apartment. The old patterns of contention remain, but they're doing much better.
I've barely had a second to think for the past month, but I'm finally starting to relax. Escrow closes on my house in three days. It's been blessedly fast. The only thing I have to go back to the house for is the cleaning people who are coming the day before the closing. Other than that, I'm completely out. I went to a Christmas concert last night and then out to dinner with a friend, and on the way home, I stopped at the house to turn off the watering system for the yard. The house is still my responsibility for a few more days, and I don't want anything untoward to happen while she's under my watch.
I've talked to my house and prayed with her. I've explained why I'm leaving and she understands. We've let each other go easily and with much love. She was a great house for me while I lived in her. And, I feel good about the new owner, who I think will love and appreciate her as well. But, as much as I loved her and the fact that she was mine, I'm now happy to be a renter again, and willingly shed the burdens and responsibilities of home ownership. I feel renewed and free, lighter and more mobile.
I've also been feeling raw and edgy, emotional and cranky. The stress of the move is a factor, but there's so much light pouring into the planet right now, and we're all struggling to integrate it fast enough not to be overwhelmed by it. It's affecting every level of our beings as we are lifted up into a new dimension of life. Our bodies are doing their best to transform from a carbon-based system into a crystalline-based system, but it's a bit of a struggle. Previously, when a population has been transformed physically, the inhabitants transitioned out of their bodies and then took incarnations into new body forms that worked with the upgrade of vibration for their planet. But, we are a huge science experiment and are transitioning our bodies while we're still inhabiting them. It's a first, and we're the pioneers who signed up to go through this process to see if it's possible. So far, so good. But, since it's the first time it's been attempted, none of us have any idea how long the process will take or what it will be in actuality. We're just living it moment by moment and finding out as we go.
We have so much change ahead of us, and it's going to happen rapidly. Humans don't like change for the most part. Humans like to hold on to what we've got and settle in. But, that pattern is going to be challenged and stretched to the limit. Life is going to reshape us and demand new things of us, we're going to be forced to grow and move way out of our comfort zones. It's a gift, but not everyone is going to be happy about it. We often resist the gifts of Life as they come, realizing only later how beneficial they were. In the crumbling system of duality, we've often judged our gifts to be negative events, when actually they were the very things that pushed us forward and grew us into better beings. But, as we go forward into the new field and allow the judgments of the past to drop away, hopefully we can open to the opportunity that we're being given and receive it without resistance. One of my prayers is to be able to drop all resistance to Life, however it shows up.
I keep reminding myself of the tremendous journey we're all on together, and that I wanted to be here for this planetary transition and to be part of this great human experiment of transformation. It helps to remember when the pressure of the Light coming in gets a bit intense. We need to build in time-outs for ourselves and remember to breathe. When we're feeling particularly edgy and raw, if we can step back and remember the larger picture of what's happening, and breathe Life through, we'll be able to expand and integrate more easily. And, if we're cranky, so are most other people. So, if someone snaps at you, try not to snap back. They probably don't even know why they snapped at you and are feeling bad about it, so a kind response will go a long way.
I'm off to make the first cup of coffee in my new apartment. I finally found the coffee maker this morning. And, joy of joys, I'd had the wherewithal to pack the filters and the coffee with it! Hallelujah! Be kind to yourselves and enjoy every minute, whatever it brings.
It's been a little over a month since my house was broken into, and in that month I've sold my house--it sold in two days for full list price!--found a lovely apartment at the base of the mountain--I found it the day the offer came in--and moved. I finally got all of my things into the apartment three days ago; not put away mind you, just all in one place. It feels great.
I've sold, given away and donated about half of my belongings. The people who've taken and/or received them are very happy with their new things, and I'm very happy to have less things. As I go through what's left, I'm still realizing that much of it has to go. I had put a number of things on my porch/balcony--I'm on the second floor--which are now covered with snow; and, I'm realizing that I must give most of what's out there away before it gets ruined by the weather.
This is what I wanted. I'm on the edge of the city at the base of the mountain. I have a view and a sense of expansion. There's a pool and a hot tub on the property, although I doubt I'll use them until the summer. The kitties are getting used to their new space, and because they all came in together, and none of them had a chance to stake out their territory ahead of the others, they're getting along better and utilizing the whole apartment. The old patterns of contention remain, but they're doing much better.
I've barely had a second to think for the past month, but I'm finally starting to relax. Escrow closes on my house in three days. It's been blessedly fast. The only thing I have to go back to the house for is the cleaning people who are coming the day before the closing. Other than that, I'm completely out. I went to a Christmas concert last night and then out to dinner with a friend, and on the way home, I stopped at the house to turn off the watering system for the yard. The house is still my responsibility for a few more days, and I don't want anything untoward to happen while she's under my watch.
I've talked to my house and prayed with her. I've explained why I'm leaving and she understands. We've let each other go easily and with much love. She was a great house for me while I lived in her. And, I feel good about the new owner, who I think will love and appreciate her as well. But, as much as I loved her and the fact that she was mine, I'm now happy to be a renter again, and willingly shed the burdens and responsibilities of home ownership. I feel renewed and free, lighter and more mobile.
I've also been feeling raw and edgy, emotional and cranky. The stress of the move is a factor, but there's so much light pouring into the planet right now, and we're all struggling to integrate it fast enough not to be overwhelmed by it. It's affecting every level of our beings as we are lifted up into a new dimension of life. Our bodies are doing their best to transform from a carbon-based system into a crystalline-based system, but it's a bit of a struggle. Previously, when a population has been transformed physically, the inhabitants transitioned out of their bodies and then took incarnations into new body forms that worked with the upgrade of vibration for their planet. But, we are a huge science experiment and are transitioning our bodies while we're still inhabiting them. It's a first, and we're the pioneers who signed up to go through this process to see if it's possible. So far, so good. But, since it's the first time it's been attempted, none of us have any idea how long the process will take or what it will be in actuality. We're just living it moment by moment and finding out as we go.
We have so much change ahead of us, and it's going to happen rapidly. Humans don't like change for the most part. Humans like to hold on to what we've got and settle in. But, that pattern is going to be challenged and stretched to the limit. Life is going to reshape us and demand new things of us, we're going to be forced to grow and move way out of our comfort zones. It's a gift, but not everyone is going to be happy about it. We often resist the gifts of Life as they come, realizing only later how beneficial they were. In the crumbling system of duality, we've often judged our gifts to be negative events, when actually they were the very things that pushed us forward and grew us into better beings. But, as we go forward into the new field and allow the judgments of the past to drop away, hopefully we can open to the opportunity that we're being given and receive it without resistance. One of my prayers is to be able to drop all resistance to Life, however it shows up.
I keep reminding myself of the tremendous journey we're all on together, and that I wanted to be here for this planetary transition and to be part of this great human experiment of transformation. It helps to remember when the pressure of the Light coming in gets a bit intense. We need to build in time-outs for ourselves and remember to breathe. When we're feeling particularly edgy and raw, if we can step back and remember the larger picture of what's happening, and breathe Life through, we'll be able to expand and integrate more easily. And, if we're cranky, so are most other people. So, if someone snaps at you, try not to snap back. They probably don't even know why they snapped at you and are feeling bad about it, so a kind response will go a long way.
I'm off to make the first cup of coffee in my new apartment. I finally found the coffee maker this morning. And, joy of joys, I'd had the wherewithal to pack the filters and the coffee with it! Hallelujah! Be kind to yourselves and enjoy every minute, whatever it brings.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Moving Forward
I'm emotional today. Spirit is moving through me very strongly. Some days I'm more focused on 3D things in the world, but today is an internal day, a 5D day. The normal boundaries of things are a little fuzzy and a larger landscape overlays it all. My heart is open and I'm overcome with gratitude. Gratitude for things in particular, but not just that, it's more gratitude in general.
I'm moving. I'm selling my house. And, as I think about leaving my house, it makes me cry, but not in a bad way, in a grateful way. I love this house. It has nurtured me and given me sanctuary for the last three years. When I walked into it the first time, I felt at home. I knew it was my house. It was empty and a mess of disorder and construction and things were torn apart, but none of that mattered, it was my house.
This house has loved me. It opened itself to me and I received its gift. It's held me and protected me and sheltered me. It's surrounded me with its beauty, for it truly is a beautiful house. I can't just live anywhere, I need a certain esthetic, and this house filled that esthetic perfectly. It was everything I needed and wanted, and how many things can we say that about?
I nurtured it and improved it greatly while I lived here. We lifted each other up. The people who lived in it before me were abusive to it and a nuisance to the neighborhood. I still hear stories about them when I talk to my neighbors. But, when I moved into this house, it relaxed and felt soothed. We were quiet together. We created sacred space together. We honored each other.
There is a Deva for every house and building, and other Devas in the yard. I had a good relationship with the Devas of this house. We respected each other. They knew I loved the house and the land and would take care of them, and they welcomed me as part of the space. I had plans for the house that I never had the opportunity to bring into being, but maybe the next owner will do them. I hope they love the house as much as I have.
I had a break-in a week ago...it seems longer ago than that now...which was also a breakthrough. I'm not moving because of that. I was feeling a move coming before that, although I was languishing and not doing anything about it. But, once the break-in happened, it gave me the push into motion I needed and the house will be on the market next week. My friend recommended me to a wonderful realtor, who I feel very good about; and, things are moving forward in the way things do when it's their time. I don't know how long it will take for the house to sell, but I feel the buyers are close. It's already theirs and no longer mine.
I will be letting go of a lot of stuff in order to downsize and move into a smaller living space. But, it feels good to be getting rid of a lot of the burden of stuff I've accumulated. I love the deep cleansing and purging that a move requires. Each thing must be noticed and considered. Do I keep it? Or, do I let it go? Do I resonate with it? Is it still mine? Or, not. Do I need it? Or, is it just drag? It's amazing how we collect things as we go and then forget we have them or lose our ability to let them go. I've got things that haven't been touched the whole time I've lived here. I've got closets full of stuff that's totally unnecessary. I look at things and think, "Oh, I might need that." But, I haven't needed it in three years. Do I really need it? I don't think so. I look at other things and think, "Oh, that's so pretty." But, I have plenty of pretty things. I don't need drawers and closets full of them.
I confront the thought that says, "You might not be able to afford to buy that thing again." But, that's just a thought based in fear and lack. What I know is true, is that I'll always have what I need. I always have and I always will. Whatever I let go of now, if I need it again in the future, I'll be able to get it again. I look at certain things and think, "I got such a good deal on that. If I need it again, will I get such a good deal?" But, that doesn't matter. Getting a good deal on something is not a reason to keep it. And, if I need it again, I might even get a better deal than I got the first time. We can't know these things, and it doesn't matter. We let things go and know they'll come again if we need them. In the meantime, someone else needs these things and can put them to good use. If we hold things out of the flow, we limit our own flow.
And so, I look around and mentally sift through what I think I'll keep and what needs to go. Since the house hasn't sold yet, I haven't seriously looked for my next home, so I'm not sure what I'll need there. But, I'm composing a list of the things I continue to resonate with, and another list of the things that are asking for their freedom. Non-attachment. I'm still working on that one.
A photographer is coming on Sunday to take photos of my house for the website my realtor is creating for it. I'm cleaning and arranging and preparing. I'm doing things that I've been thinking of doing for a long time, but for some reason of complacency have not gotten around to. I'm sanding and patching and touching up with paint a few spots that are calling for it. Why didn't I do these things for myself? Why was it good enough for me, but it's not good enough for whoever will buy the house? I want to hide her flaws, cover her old wounds so the new buyers won't see what she's been through. Make her look her best. Spruce her up to show her off. Look at how beautiful and perfect she is! See how she draws you in and puts her arms around you!
She will choose her new owners. She will feel into and sift through those who come to see her. She will make her choice and open her arms to the new ones who will live in her and love her. And, they will feel her reach out to them. They will hear her and respond. They will feel drawn and compelled for reasons they might not understand, but they will know she's theirs. Maybe they will stay longer than I have. I feel a bit like a fickle lover, moving on so soon. But, I'm more of a renter than an owner. I like the freedom of renting over the commitment and responsibility of owning a house. I never know when my gypsy blood will stir and I'll be off to some new place.
Right now I'm craving more proximity to the mountains. I want to be on the outskirts of town rather than in the center of it. I want smaller and more intimate and manageable, rather than larger and more expansive. I can feel myself going into an internal mode because of what it's going to take to write the script that's been gestating in me for so long. And, I need a different space in order to bring it into being. There's a space opening for me right now, that will call me to it at the perfect moment. It will sing to me and I will hear it and find it among the many. And, it will be my nest while I birth the script that is ready to be born.
It's taken me twelve years of working with the books I have the rights to; twelve years of initiations; twelve years of traveling around the world and remembering and imprinting; twelve years of frustration; twelve years of confusion; twelve years of growth and transformation to get here. But, it's finally opened itself to me and started talking. There are no words to convey the relief and gratitude that wells up in me to have reached the point where it wants to be born. The new field is here and able to nurture and support it in a way that wasn't possible previously.
These books, this story, has lived me and pushed me and grown me into who I need to be to receive it. I had to let go of everything that has come before, and I'm still letting go. I've had to give up thinking I know so that the story could reveal itself to me. I've had to cleanse and heal myself so that I could hear the story clearly. I've had to go through certain experiences so that I could understand the characters more deeply. I've had to open the space. But now, everything I've been through is making sense. Everything I've been through is ready to be utilized.
I don't know how many stories I'll get to tell in this life. There are many that need telling. But, for now, I'm focused on the one in front of me. Stories choose us as much as we choose them, just like houses. This is the one that's called me and given itself to me, as I have given myself to it. This is the one I've developed a relationship with, the one that finally trusts me to tell it. This is the one I resonate with.
And so, I move forward. The lull between letting go of the past and embracing the now is done. I've traveled enough. I've rested enough. I've processed enough. I've integrated enough. I've waited long enough. The doors open and I walk through, into what I'm not sure, but I don't need to know, it will reveal itself to me as I go, because that's the way it works, especially now that the new field has established itself. Ama Ra, that's the name of the new field, that's how we can call her. And, as we use her name, we bring her more fully into being. We acknowledge her and make her real to us. We move into her and leave the old paradigm behind. We see the possibilities she offers and we open to them.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I couldn't be feeling more grateful. The list of things to be grateful for is endless, with life itself at the top. I'm grateful to be alive and to have the awareness that opens into a field of gratitude. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, however you spend it. And, whatever you do, take a few minutes to reflect on all the blessings you have to be grateful for and give thanks.
I'm moving. I'm selling my house. And, as I think about leaving my house, it makes me cry, but not in a bad way, in a grateful way. I love this house. It has nurtured me and given me sanctuary for the last three years. When I walked into it the first time, I felt at home. I knew it was my house. It was empty and a mess of disorder and construction and things were torn apart, but none of that mattered, it was my house.
This house has loved me. It opened itself to me and I received its gift. It's held me and protected me and sheltered me. It's surrounded me with its beauty, for it truly is a beautiful house. I can't just live anywhere, I need a certain esthetic, and this house filled that esthetic perfectly. It was everything I needed and wanted, and how many things can we say that about?
I nurtured it and improved it greatly while I lived here. We lifted each other up. The people who lived in it before me were abusive to it and a nuisance to the neighborhood. I still hear stories about them when I talk to my neighbors. But, when I moved into this house, it relaxed and felt soothed. We were quiet together. We created sacred space together. We honored each other.
There is a Deva for every house and building, and other Devas in the yard. I had a good relationship with the Devas of this house. We respected each other. They knew I loved the house and the land and would take care of them, and they welcomed me as part of the space. I had plans for the house that I never had the opportunity to bring into being, but maybe the next owner will do them. I hope they love the house as much as I have.
I had a break-in a week ago...it seems longer ago than that now...which was also a breakthrough. I'm not moving because of that. I was feeling a move coming before that, although I was languishing and not doing anything about it. But, once the break-in happened, it gave me the push into motion I needed and the house will be on the market next week. My friend recommended me to a wonderful realtor, who I feel very good about; and, things are moving forward in the way things do when it's their time. I don't know how long it will take for the house to sell, but I feel the buyers are close. It's already theirs and no longer mine.
I will be letting go of a lot of stuff in order to downsize and move into a smaller living space. But, it feels good to be getting rid of a lot of the burden of stuff I've accumulated. I love the deep cleansing and purging that a move requires. Each thing must be noticed and considered. Do I keep it? Or, do I let it go? Do I resonate with it? Is it still mine? Or, not. Do I need it? Or, is it just drag? It's amazing how we collect things as we go and then forget we have them or lose our ability to let them go. I've got things that haven't been touched the whole time I've lived here. I've got closets full of stuff that's totally unnecessary. I look at things and think, "Oh, I might need that." But, I haven't needed it in three years. Do I really need it? I don't think so. I look at other things and think, "Oh, that's so pretty." But, I have plenty of pretty things. I don't need drawers and closets full of them.
I confront the thought that says, "You might not be able to afford to buy that thing again." But, that's just a thought based in fear and lack. What I know is true, is that I'll always have what I need. I always have and I always will. Whatever I let go of now, if I need it again in the future, I'll be able to get it again. I look at certain things and think, "I got such a good deal on that. If I need it again, will I get such a good deal?" But, that doesn't matter. Getting a good deal on something is not a reason to keep it. And, if I need it again, I might even get a better deal than I got the first time. We can't know these things, and it doesn't matter. We let things go and know they'll come again if we need them. In the meantime, someone else needs these things and can put them to good use. If we hold things out of the flow, we limit our own flow.
And so, I look around and mentally sift through what I think I'll keep and what needs to go. Since the house hasn't sold yet, I haven't seriously looked for my next home, so I'm not sure what I'll need there. But, I'm composing a list of the things I continue to resonate with, and another list of the things that are asking for their freedom. Non-attachment. I'm still working on that one.
A photographer is coming on Sunday to take photos of my house for the website my realtor is creating for it. I'm cleaning and arranging and preparing. I'm doing things that I've been thinking of doing for a long time, but for some reason of complacency have not gotten around to. I'm sanding and patching and touching up with paint a few spots that are calling for it. Why didn't I do these things for myself? Why was it good enough for me, but it's not good enough for whoever will buy the house? I want to hide her flaws, cover her old wounds so the new buyers won't see what she's been through. Make her look her best. Spruce her up to show her off. Look at how beautiful and perfect she is! See how she draws you in and puts her arms around you!
She will choose her new owners. She will feel into and sift through those who come to see her. She will make her choice and open her arms to the new ones who will live in her and love her. And, they will feel her reach out to them. They will hear her and respond. They will feel drawn and compelled for reasons they might not understand, but they will know she's theirs. Maybe they will stay longer than I have. I feel a bit like a fickle lover, moving on so soon. But, I'm more of a renter than an owner. I like the freedom of renting over the commitment and responsibility of owning a house. I never know when my gypsy blood will stir and I'll be off to some new place.
Right now I'm craving more proximity to the mountains. I want to be on the outskirts of town rather than in the center of it. I want smaller and more intimate and manageable, rather than larger and more expansive. I can feel myself going into an internal mode because of what it's going to take to write the script that's been gestating in me for so long. And, I need a different space in order to bring it into being. There's a space opening for me right now, that will call me to it at the perfect moment. It will sing to me and I will hear it and find it among the many. And, it will be my nest while I birth the script that is ready to be born.
It's taken me twelve years of working with the books I have the rights to; twelve years of initiations; twelve years of traveling around the world and remembering and imprinting; twelve years of frustration; twelve years of confusion; twelve years of growth and transformation to get here. But, it's finally opened itself to me and started talking. There are no words to convey the relief and gratitude that wells up in me to have reached the point where it wants to be born. The new field is here and able to nurture and support it in a way that wasn't possible previously.
These books, this story, has lived me and pushed me and grown me into who I need to be to receive it. I had to let go of everything that has come before, and I'm still letting go. I've had to give up thinking I know so that the story could reveal itself to me. I've had to cleanse and heal myself so that I could hear the story clearly. I've had to go through certain experiences so that I could understand the characters more deeply. I've had to open the space. But now, everything I've been through is making sense. Everything I've been through is ready to be utilized.
I don't know how many stories I'll get to tell in this life. There are many that need telling. But, for now, I'm focused on the one in front of me. Stories choose us as much as we choose them, just like houses. This is the one that's called me and given itself to me, as I have given myself to it. This is the one I've developed a relationship with, the one that finally trusts me to tell it. This is the one I resonate with.
And so, I move forward. The lull between letting go of the past and embracing the now is done. I've traveled enough. I've rested enough. I've processed enough. I've integrated enough. I've waited long enough. The doors open and I walk through, into what I'm not sure, but I don't need to know, it will reveal itself to me as I go, because that's the way it works, especially now that the new field has established itself. Ama Ra, that's the name of the new field, that's how we can call her. And, as we use her name, we bring her more fully into being. We acknowledge her and make her real to us. We move into her and leave the old paradigm behind. We see the possibilities she offers and we open to them.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I couldn't be feeling more grateful. The list of things to be grateful for is endless, with life itself at the top. I'm grateful to be alive and to have the awareness that opens into a field of gratitude. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, however you spend it. And, whatever you do, take a few minutes to reflect on all the blessings you have to be grateful for and give thanks.
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