Notes on the Journey

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I Love the World

I love the world.  There are spiritual disciplines that say we shouldn't love the world, that we should love "heaven," whatever that is.  I haven't consciously experienced heaven anywhere but here on Earth, so I don't know about the other heaven...the one we go to when we drop this physical vehicle.  I'm sure it's nice there, people who've had what we call near-death experiences say it's beautiful beyond description.  And, when I have that experience, I'm sure it will be wonderful.  But, right now, I love the world.  I love Earth.

I love the contrasts.  I love the choices.  I love the endless experiences and the constantly changing contexts.  I love the unsurpassing beauty that just takes your breath away.  I love the huge variety of life forms that populate this amazing planet.  I love the green of the forests and the meadows.  I love the brown starkness of the deserts.  I love the mountain ranges and the sweeping valleys.  I love the oceans and the rivers and all the bodies of water.  I love the animals, and most especially the animals I have the blessing to live with.  I love the people, as exasperating as they can be sometimes.  But, people can also be amazing and loving and generous and supportive.

I love the whole 3D experience.  I'm very aware of it because it's going away.  We're moving into 5D, and I know that is going to be amazing because I've had experiences of it, but it will be amazing in its own way, not in the way we're used to in 3D.  I'm grateful that I'm aware of what's happening and can truly let the love I have for 3D have it's full expression as it's on its way out.  I'm grateful for everything we have here.  I'm grateful for being here in a body at this time.  And, the love I'm experiencing for this journey and this place fills me to overflowing.

I had a horrible day today, and the horribleness started early and lasted for way too long.  I had a frustrating, fruitless, angry, efforting, out-of-sync, misaligned, cranky, terrible day.  It didn't have to be that way, but that's the way it was because of the way I reacted to things that happened.  As I look back over the day, I realize it could have been a very different day had I been responding to what was happening instead of in reaction to it.  But, reaction was the order of the day.  My attachment to the way I wanted things to be was very strong today.  This was not a bob and flow day, a day in which I adapted to what was happening with grace and acceptance; it was a day in which I met most of what happened with great resistance, and whatever grace there was had nothing to do with me.

You don't plan these types of days.  You don't get up and consciously decide to have a bad day, but they happen anyway.  And, whatever initiation was up for me today, I certainly wasn't ready for it; it caught me off guard and ground me into dust.  And, when I look back at the events of the day, I marvel at how little it took to grind me into dust.  Poof!  And, I'm dust.  Where is that core strength when I need it?  No where to be found today.  Thank goodness, by now, I've worn myself out and don't have the strength to fight anymore.  The day is over, the resistance gone, and all that's left is an aching tiredness.

But, the amazing thing is, that in the aftermath of my battle through this day, there is a quiet, and my heart is open and filled with love.  How did that happen?  How did I go from the depths of darkness of my ego personality into the depths of the lightness of my soul?  I don't know.  I didn't consciously do a thing to facilitate that transformation, it happened all on its own.  A miracle.  And, I'm grateful.  Grace has finally found me, even though I did everything to avoid it.  The relief is huge.  Life please save me from another day like today.  But, Life won't save me, not from another day like today, or from anything else, because Life contains it all.  Life doesn't differentiate between good and bad, Life just is.  It was my decision to label today bad.  It was my decision to go into reaction to the things that presented themselves.  It could have been a completely different day had I made different decisions.

We're never victims, although there are times and days we'd like to think so, and react as if we are.  But, we're not.  No matter what happens, we're not.  And, there are days like today to help me remember that.  All of what was up today for me was up because it was asking permission to go, but I guess I wasn't quite ready to let it go, because instead of saying thanks and good bye, I got caught in it and went into reaction instead.  But, I'll get another chance.  It will all come up again and ask to go in another way and on another day, and I'll get to see if I'm ready to say good bye or not at that time.  Life just keeps giving us chances.  Over and over and over.  It's like our very own personal "Groundhog Day."  That's a reference to a movie for those of you who haven't seen it.  And, if you haven't seen it, I would highly recommend it.  It's a very spiritual movie in very funny clothing.

I'm grateful that love has again found a place in my heart and has expanded itself into fullness.  I'm grateful that I no longer feel like a raw nerve running around.  I'm grateful that, in my exhaustion, I've settled into a loving and expansive state.  And, right now, I'm loving life; I'm loving the world.  All of it.  

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