Notes on the Journey

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

So Grateful

I'm in Los Angeles.  I've emptied out my storage space and dealt with all my stuff and now I'm enjoying being here and am enjoying seeing as many of my friends as I can.  Because I'm in the process of saying good bye and no one knows when I'll be back next, I'm going out of my way to see my friends, and they're going out of their way to see me.  And, each time I get together with someone my heart opens further and I feel more and more love.

I'm so grateful for all of the wonderful people I'm able to call "friend."  One of my friends told me that she'd recently come to the realization that she had no friends, literally no one.  It was a sad and shocking statement, and was also accompanied with a lot of confusion as to how that had happened.  I didn't have any answers for her, but it made me endlessly grateful for the friends I have.

The other thing I'm realizing is that I'm seeing people I haven't seen in a very long time, but people I really enjoy.  When I was working in the film industry I'd see people on a show or at a union meeting or at some event.  When I was off work, I needed time alone and I'd run around getting all the things done that I couldn't get done while I was working.  Then, suddenly, I'd get another job and be off to another location and wouldn't have found time to connect with my friends.  But, now that I don't live in Los Angeles anymore and I can't look forward to running into my friends at work, I need to actively seek them out and arrange to see them.  It makes my time with them special.  And, I am truly appreciating each and every one of them.

My time here is nostalgic and bittersweet.  I drive past old residences and places I used to frequent like touch stones.  I feel strangely detached from this place, and yet able to fully enjoy it in a way I wasn't able to when I lived here.  I see the beauty of it more clearly because I don't live here.  I notice even small things that I would have missed before.  I have a kind of hyper-awareness of everything.  Because I'm not sure when I'll be back, and even if I do come back, it will never be the same as it was before, everything is more precious, more meaningful.  I'm taking mental snapshots of things and imprinting myself.

This current letting go of so much of what has comprised my life up until now is generating deep feelings of gratitude, and deep feelings of love and appreciation.  It's such a wonderful farewell to my past and such a clean opening to what comes next, unknown as it is right now.  And, I'm very aware of the people who will move forward with me, and of all that my life has given me up to this point.  I'm hoping that as I move forward I will continue to feel gratitude and love in a conscious way more than I have before and not take my life or my relationships for granted in any way.

As difficult as my life has been in certain ways, it's also been blessed and wonderful.  I've been amazingly fortunate, and I'm very aware of my good fortune.  I hope you can always see the blessings in your life, and that you are always able to be grateful for what you have, and never take anything or anyone for granted.  Life is so precious. 

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