Notes on the Journey

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Quiet

I haven't had much to say lately.  It's been very quiet.  I've felt very internal.  Things have happened, but nothing has moved me to write about it.  Every day I think, "I could write about that," or, "Oh, I could write about that," but then it feels like I'm just reaching for something rather than it coming up from within me and letting me know it wants to be written about.  And, so, the days go by.

I seem to have reached a new level of quiet.  I'm more relaxed and feel more connected to everything around me.  I push myself less in general.  The old pattern of "doing" is in the process of transforming into one of "being."  Instead of willing myself forward to live life, Life seems to be living me.  The more I relax, the more in touch with myself I get, and the more in touch with nature I get, and the more into the flow of Life I get.

I'm realizing that I have time.  I have unlimited amounts of time.  And, really, there is no time.  Maybe it's more that as the construct of time fades away, I see the unlimited vastness that exists outside of it.  So, the need to rush or push myself or will myself to do anything just isn't there.  I have this deeper knowing that everything will happen as it needs to; that trying to push things is useless, because it's outside the flow.  As I sink into the deeper rhythms of Life and align myself with this organic, authentic movement, there's no desire to try to control it or impose any kind of artificial efforting onto it.

I'm finding a deeper place of trust in All That Is as I relax more.  Relaxation is highly underrated.  My body is calm and my adrenals are getting a much needed rest.  Instead of feeling like a piccolo, I'm feeling like a stand-up bass.  I'm more in my body instead of hovering around my head.  And, my body likes it when I'm "in."  I'm realizing that when I'm grounded into my body, I actually feel more safe than when I'm not.  Historically, it felt the opposite.  Grounding into my body used to terrify me.  But, no more.

I'm having trouble eating, which for me is unheard of.  But, I'm often hungry without having a clue what to eat.  Nothing sounds good to me.  All the foods I would normally go to no longer draw me.  I've tried some new things without success.  Often, I'll prepare something, take a couple of bites and then not be able to continue eating.  And, I feel this phenomenon might get worse before it gets better.  I feel that it has something to do with our bodies changing from a carbon-based system into a crystalline-based system, and that until things go through more transformation and start to stabilize, deciding what to eat could continue to be a conundrum.  I actually think that a number of foods will fall by the wayside and new ones will reveal themselves to take their place.  As our frequency changes, so will our food.  We'll be drawn to different things, and different things will present themselves.

I've been aware of our planetary transition from third dimension into fifth dimension for a very long time.  And, there have been "ascension symptoms" for many years as we all go through this process.  But, for me, things seem to be more pronounced lately.  I have a greater sense of "movement" on a number of levels.  And, as much as time seems to have been speeding up over the years, it now seems to be picking up even more as we prepare to "punch through" it all together.  Energetically, it feels like we're ramping up to something.  What exactly, I'm not sure.  I have this knowing that we're raising our frequency into the fifth dimension, but what that looks and feels like is still being revealed.  And, so, the adventure continues.

Over the years, no matter what's been going on planetarily or how I've felt, I got up and went to work.  And, I worked long hours that took great concentration and focus.  But, now, I'm endlessly grateful not to have to do that.  I'm grateful to be able to pay attention to the earth, to my body, and to the way I feel on a daily basis; on a moment by moment basis.  It's like I'm getting to know myself all over again.  And, I'm really enjoying the process.

I've never been a meditator, I didn't understand the point or the practice.  I could see the value in being quiet, but I was too caught up with doing to ever really be able to let go.  And, a number of people I'd heard talk about meditation talked about other-worldly or sensate experiences they'd had while meditating that I couldn't relate to.  I never enjoyed guided meditations either.  But, now, when I sit in the quiet, I go inside myself.  The revelation that the journey is about going deeper into myself has changed everything.  I go into my core.  I spend time inside with myself.  I don't remember anyone ever describing meditation to me in the way I'm experiencing it.  Or, if they did, then I just wasn't ready to hear it or integrate it.

So, like I said, things are quiet.  Quiet on the outside.  But, lots has been happening on the inside.  I feel like I'm in the midst of a process that will only deepen and continue, and I'm sure as I integrate the changes that are happening within me, I'll be able to write about them.  But, for now, I feel quite accomplished to have written this much.  I would encourage everyone to relax as much as possible; to sink into your very being.  Be kind to yourself.  Don't push yourself to do too much.  And, eat whatever sounds good in the moment.  We're all going through a life-changing experience, consciously or unconsciously, and the more we can let go and relax into it, the smoother it will be.  So, as much as possible, sit back and enjoy the ride of our lives!  

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