I walked outside to put the trash out for pickup tonight and noticed that my neighbors across the street had hung orange Halloween lights on their porch. I got so much pleasure from seeing those beautiful orange lights twinkling in the darkness. It was such a happy image, and gave me such a warm feeling.
I've been gone from home for so many holidays over so many years because of being on location somewhere, and it gives me so much joy to be at home this year for them...Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I've not put up decorations for any holiday for so long, because even if I was at home, it all seemed too brief. And, not that I'm going to go all out with decorations this year, but I did put some pumpkins out front for Halloween.
Pumpkins are one of my favorite things. I love their plumpness and their rich orange color. I love the way they taste and will eat anything with pumpkin in it. Pumpkin soup, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie, pumpkin pancakes...you name it...if it's got pumpkin in it, I'm going to love it. There's something so earthy and rich and naturally sweet about the flavor of pumpkin. It's the perfect food for fall, and the harbinger of the holidays to come. Pumpkins make me happy. If I see pumpkins, I just naturally break into a smile.
This is the longest period of time I've been at home without the uncertainty of when I would leave again hanging over me in over thirty years. I've loved my Gypsy life and all the places around the world where I've been blessed to be able to spend time, but now I'm really loving being at home. I'm interacting with my neighbors and starting to feel part of a community. I'm making friends who I'm able to see on a regular basis instead of once a year or once very few months. I'm not complaining about how my life has been up to now, it was my choice and I loved it; but, because of it, I think I'm even more able to enjoy the pleasures of what I'm experiencing now.
I'm an adopted child, and I think for many adopted children, we often feel a bit apart. We are more apt to be concerned about wanting to feel a part of something and about trying to fit in and be accepted. One of the things I loved about the film industry was that the crew on every film felt like a family. For the length of the film, I was part of something. But, it always came to an end and my family broke apart and was scattered to the wind. Being at home now, I'm starting to form relationships that are more steady and consistent. I'm here to participate and nurture them. And, it feels good.
Things come and things go and things change more often than they stay the same. But, that makes me want to really appreciate and enjoy what I have in this moment while I have it. Everything about my life has taught me to enjoy the moment because we never know how long it will last or what will come next. And, I'm learning that lesson on deeper levels at this point. I'm soaking up the richness of each and every moment. I'm noticing every nuance of my life and my environment. And, as much as time seems to be speeding up, I pop in and out of it and have these periods of suspended time, where everything seems to slow down and I'm able to hear every sound and notice every detail of my surroundings. And, these suspensions of time allow me to connect with and fall in love with everything; to move into deeper and deeper levels of gratitude.
I let myself savor this time, because I know change is coming; and, when it does, I'll be glad that I took the time to enjoy the now. And, by enjoying what's in front of me right now, I'll be more able to embrace whatever the change is when it comes. And so, I drink it all in...the tree with the golden leaves out my window; the crispness in the air; the clear blue of
the sky; the pumpkins; and, the orange lights across the street.