Notes on the Journey

Monday, November 5, 2012

It's the Journey

The sun is getting ready to sink behind the trees across the street, and it's only 4:30pm!  It seems shockingly early for the sun to be setting.  But, it always feels this way when we go back to Standard Time after enjoying Daylight Savings Time.  You wouldn't think an hour could make such a difference, but it makes a huge difference.  Now, it feels like winter is here.  Not because the weather is any different than it was a few days ago, but because the days are suddenly so much shorter.

I had rather the endless summer this year.  I spent February in the Philippines working, where the weather was warm and lovely, and the days were long.  Then, I went to India and Nepal, traveling on my own until May, where the weather was warm to scorching hot, and the days were long and lazy.  When I got back to Albuquerque in May, it was summer.  So, I've had a very prolonged run of warm, elongated days for quite a while now.  And, I was very ready for a change.  When the air got cooler and the leaves started to turn, I found it very exciting to be moving into a new season.  But, losing the hour of daylight we have with Daylight Savings Time is always difficult.

But now, it's time to go inside, in ways both physical and spiritual.  I started the 21-Day Meditation Challenge that Deepak Chopra is doing through the Oprah Network today.  It seemed like the perfect thing to do.  Mercury goes retrograde tomorrow, so that's even more assistance to going inside.  And, next Monday, I'm starting a 30-Day Mini-Movie Method screenwriting structure class, which also seems like the perfect thing to do.  Both of these endeavors will take me more deeply into myself.  And, the cooler weather and shorter days will only assist my focus.

I've been turning more and more inward for a while now, and then the opportunities showed up to really take advantage of that inward turning.  And, not only to take advantage of it, but to enhance it.  I've been being very mindful lately, and even though I haven't resonated with any kind of meditative practice up until now, it does seem to finally be the time where meditation will be possible.  The major reason I stopped script supervising was to allow myself the time and focus to write a screenplay that's been growing in me for a very long time.  The screenwriting class I'm going to be taking seems like the perfect step to get me going at this point.  Structure has been a major hangup for me, and this class should move me past that hangup.

It's not always easy to let the flow of Life bring us what we need in the most advantageous time.  We usually want things to happen much more quickly than they do.  I've historically pushed against the flow of Life in my attempts to move things along faster than they seem to be happening.  But, it hasn't helped.  It doesn't help.  It only creates anxious anxiety and unnecessary stress.  Relaxing into the flow of Life brings so much more ease to things.  Knowing that things will happen in their own time, and allowing that flow to unfold, makes Life so much more enjoyable.  But, it's taken me a very long time to integrate that.  I knew it before, but I didn't "get" it.  I kinda got it.  But, I didn't really get it.

Because so much of what I'm currently experiencing in the unfolding of my life has been such a long time coming, it makes it all that much more sweet.  Up until now, life has seemed difficult on a number of levels.  But, I'm realizing that that was the nature of the way I looked at things.  I've actually had a very blessed life, but had trouble fully enjoying it.  As much as I would have considered myself to be an optimistic person, I often was more focused on what was wrong rather than on what was right at any given moment.  I was always trying to fix things instead of appreciating where I was.  I was fixated upon my past and focused on my future instead of enjoying what was going on right now.  But, finally, gratefully, those patterns are changing.

What I'm going to say sounds simple.  And, many people teach it...or, try to teach it to resisting souls such as myself.  But, being present in the now with whatever is going on, and truly being grateful for the experience, whatever it is, is the most expansive and receptive way to live Life.  As much trust as it's taken to live a free-lance existence for so long, my levels of trust are deepening now and allowing me to live in a much more present and grateful state.  Instead of beating myself up for not doing whatever it was I thought I should be doing, I'm grateful for each day, whether I "do" anything or not.  And, I'm finding that by being present and grateful, Life is opening up, and opportunities are showing up, in ways that previously wouldn't have been possible.

For me, it took making the decision to retire to allow myself to reach this place.  Or, maybe I had reached this place, which is why I chose to retire.  But, either way, it doesn't matter.  I'm here.  The long, hard road is falling away behind me; and, a new road is opening before me.  How often has someone told you, "It's a process"?  For me, more times than I can count.  "It's the journey, not the destination."  "Be in the moment."  And, on and on.  I've heard them and I've said them, and I've thought I understood them.  But, it's only now that I'm finally able to live them.

And so, I enter the darkness of winter with gratitude.  I appreciate the internal nature of this time of year.  I embrace the assistance it gives me on my journey.  And, I open to the gifts that it offers.  I open to myself and the gift of revelation that is.  I open to all the parts of myself that have remained hidden for so long.  I open the channels of expression that have searched for release.  I open to my talents and creativity and set them free.  I accept and open to each moment as it comes, knowing that each one is a gift.  And, I let Life happen, instead of trying to make it happen.  It's such a relief.   

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