Notes on the Journey

Monday, September 24, 2012

It's All Within Me

For my entire life I've searched for answers outside myself.  I've always thought that someone else had the answers, or that someone else knew more than I did, or that someone else was more divinely connected than I was, or...on and on and on.  The list is long and I always somehow came at the end of it.

I don't know what finally moved me into a place where I put myself at the top of the list, but it happened today.  Tonight actually.  While I was sitting in a movie theater watching a bad movie.  I just suddenly realized that all the answers to all the questions I've ever had are within me.  I had an awareness that all I had to do was relax into myself and open up to All That Is and the All that holds everything would fill me.

I've had many awarenesses about the deeper nature of things in the past, but few real shining moments when the Universe opens up before me.  This was one of them.  And, I wasn't meditating or praying or concentrating on anything other than how boring the movie I was watching was and how I much I wished it would end.  And then, it hit me, out of the blue.

Spiritual teachers and literature always say to look within, and I've certainly done plenty of it, but with a limited result.  I understood the concept intellectually and agreed with it, but I still kept looking outside myself.  Yes, yes...but.  And, I might forget and look outside myself again but, tonight, right now, I KNOW it's all within me.  I KNOW there's not one question I could have for which I don't have the answer; that there's not one need I could experience that wouldn't be fulfilled.

This is the kind of moment the ego wants to hold on to, but it is uncontainable, uncontrollable.  These kinds of awarenesses came as they will and stay as long as they will, and leave us forever changed.  I've had a few such moments in the past, and I hope to have many more in the future, and they are to be savored for however long the window stays open.  Remember this!  Remember what this feels like!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

After the initial impact of the awareness itself comes the integration and application of the new way of being.  We get the gift and then have to grow into the actual embodiment of it.  But, the quiet and calm empowerment I feel from the receipt of this most recent gift is exciting indeed.  The waves of gratitude roll through me.  My vibration enjoys this new resonance.  The instrument of my body retunes itself to accommodate this new harmonic.  How amazing.

We never know when these types of gifts will be bestowed upon us, or where they come from exactly.  And, there's something so perfect about the fact that it came to me as I was just sitting in a movie theater.  I wasn't engaged in any type of "spiritual practice," I was in the midst of doing something very worldly.  But, this is it...the world is not separate from whatever we might consider to be our "spiritual practice."  Living in the world IS our "spiritual practice," although it's not practice, it's real, every single minute.  How we live our lives is our spiritual path.  Our lives are the mystery school.  Initiations happen every day with every choice and thought and action.  There is no compartmentalization and separation of the world and Spirit.  We're never off the path.  Life is the path.  We're all on it, and we're all in the process of remembering the same things.

I say remembering because it's not a journey of going anywhere, but of remembering and opening into what we already know and have awareness of.  Everything is here, right now.  There's nothing missing.  There's nothing to find.  It's literally about relaxing and opening into what is already present.  And, these miraculous bodies we've been given, allow us to actually feel the entirety of creation.  Our bodies truly are blessed vehicles, and do not limit us in any way.  The only things that limit us are our mental concepts.  And, I once again quote from Morpheus in "The Matrix" when he says to Neo, "FREE YOUR MIND."  Only now I finally get it.  Yes.  Free your mind, indeed.

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