Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Of course she was not a "baby," but she was always my baby girl. She was actually a very old soul, very wise and loving. I rescued her from a shelter when she was around 4 months old. She was feral and bouncing around in her cage, having a hard time understanding the confinement after spending the beginning of her life outside and free. It took her a very long time to allow me to touch her, much less pick her up, which she never enjoyed. She growled over her food and ate very quickly so that no one could take her food away from her. It took her a long time to stop growling when she ate. And, I'm not sure she ever truly trusted that no one would take her food away.
She also didn't trust anyone who entered our space. She would run and hide in the closet at the first sound of anyone approaching. Someone would have to be around for many hours before Negri might decide to venture forth out of latent curiosity. This was something that never changed. She was also afraid that someone might take her away from me. She was a grateful cat. She appreciated her life and didn't want it to change. So, if she hid anytime anyone came near, then they wouldn't see her, and so wouldn't take her away, and she'd be safe.
Her constant anxiety and nervous tension over things I understood and things I didn't, resulted in a stomach and bowel situation that proved worse and worse for her as she aged. Everything that could be done was done for her, but some things just are, and her digestive system was always a weak one. Eventually, her body just couldn't continue.
I had many animal communication sessions with Negri over the years. There's nothing like hearing your animal speak to you about their perceptions and how they see their world. I always loved hearing what Negri had to say about things. And, I loved the opportunity to ask her questions and see what she wanted so that I could respond. If you have an animal companion and have never given yourself and your animal the gift of an animal communication session, you're really missing something wonderful.
I had my last animal communication session with Negri right before she passed. She told me she was ready to let her body go and that she'd been spending a lot of time out of it lately anyway. And, as comforting as it is to know that your animal is ready to go, nothing makes the moment of leaving any easier. It's wrenching.
It is the very crux of this existence for humans, and all living beings on Earth, that we are having a physical experience. We are Spirit made manifest. The physical matters, it's what we're here for. So, even though we know that Life is eternal and that we're never really separated from those we love, the physical separation when a loved one moves on is not an easy adjustment.
There's nothing like being with a loved one, human or animal or otherwise...hearing their voice, or their purr, or their bark, or whatever endearing sounds they might make; feeling their touch, holding them, hugging them, feeling the warmth of their body next to yours, the weight of them; spending time in their presence...all of it is precious and special and unique. It's something to be treasured and never taken for granted. This physical experience is a gift, and so is every moment we get to spend with those we love.
So, yes, I know that Negri will still be with me energetically, but I'll miss her presence. I'll miss her body. I'll miss her. And, even though I can sometimes "feel" the energies from different realms of Life, I don't have the ability to communicate with them consciously. I'll have a sense of Negri, but it will never be the same.
No matter how long we've gotten to spend with a loved one, when they leave and move on to life elsewhere, our life here is forever changed. I've had two animal companions transition during the last year, and both times my heart has broken at the loss. They are both deeply missed. I will never forget either of them and will continue loving them. They both changed my life...made it richer and more full; brought joy and enjoyment; opened me more deeply to love and to being loved; supported and comforted me; taught me to be more grateful and not to take things for granted.
Every being we love and are loved by increases us, grows us, teaches us, heals us, makes us better and deeper. I'm so grateful for the love in my life, however it shows up and whatever it looks like. I'm grateful for everyone and everything that has cracked my heart open wider and wider and taught me about what love is. I love you forever, Negri! Fly free my baby girl!