Notes on the Journey

Sunday, April 28, 2013


I don't like the idea that the ego is something we don't need or should kill.  As long as we're embodied we need an ego, or sense of self.  But, what we can do is to transform or re-purpose the ego, or sense of self, to be cooperative with and supportive to our larger sense of Self, or soul, instead of thinking that it is in charge and running the show.

I feel that we're all in a process of transforming our old 3D egos into the more supportive 5D versions, whether we realize it or not.  But, in this transformational process, there's some confusion and a sense of being unmoored and out of control...which is a good thing.  We feel out of control because we really are not in control in the same way we used to be in 3D.  Being in control and using our will to make things happen is the old paradigm.  The new paradigm is about being in the present moment and staying aware of our experience as it's happening and then responding appropriately.  In order to do that, we must release our need to control our experience or use our will in order to make things happen.

Even my cat is going through this.  I use an animal communicator to talk with my cats.  I understand a lot of what they tell me, but often need help in more specific communication.  During our last animal communication session, which we had because Sophie, the type-A self-appointed Queen of the roost, was acting out by purposely not using her litter box and, instead, leaving me little gifts nearby.  She said she was doing this because she's feeling out of control.  She's used to bullying and controlling my other female, Negri.  But lately, Negri has been getting more friendly with my male, Buddy, in an effort to find peace.  Sophie is set upon maintaining a certain amount of tension in regard to her inability to accept Buddy, and Negri is tiring of that tension.  And, because Negri is no longer allowing Sophie to control her in regard to her attitude toward Buddy, Sophie is more on her own and feeling like the outsider.  The choice to accept Buddy into our family and give up control is one Sophie has not yet been able to make.  And, she might never be able to make that choice.  But, she's suffering for it.

This is the same choice we're all being asked to make.  To accept things as they are, see the truth of them and respond accordingly.  This requires the release of any control or expectation of any particular outcome in regard to whatever it is we happen to be experiencing.  Since this is a big change for most of us from how we've been used to doing things, there's some resistance.  I've found that allowing the resistance to just be there and to have its space gives it a chance to move on through.  I watch it to see what the resistance is about, and I have compassion for the part of me that's struggling, and I've come to realize that all it needs is to be seen.  By seeing and acknowledging the resistance or fear that's making itself known, I honor that aspect of myself that needs reassurance and comfort in order to move forward.

The other thing my cat, Sophie, said that she needed and didn't feel she was getting was to be seen.  To be really seen.  Isn't that what we all want?  We relax when we feel really seen and really heard, and we struggle when we feel we haven't been seen or every aspect of ourselves.  When fear and resistance come up, instead of pushing them away, or thinking we should be feeling something else that we consider to be more acceptable, if we really see and hear that aspect of ourselves and give it comfort and reassurance, it will calm down and the fear and resistance will move through.  We might have to comfort and reassure that aspect of ourselves repeatedly, but sooner or later, the fear and resistance will lose their grip.  It's a back and forth process, but it ultimately brings us into deeper relationship with ourselves and, over time, renders the fear and doubt and resistance powerless to control us any longer.

The other thing I'm noticing is that I have no ambition or need to accomplish anything in the way I used to.  Previously, I was always striving toward some goal, trying to prove something or get somewhere.  But now, all of that seems to have gone away.  I'm not quite sure who I am without it and so I get confused about what I'm doing, but I think that's a transitional feeling.  Once my old sense of self gets further along in this transformation, I'll be able to relax into a life free of striving and efforting.  But, right now, I'm still in the back and forth of it.  I'm still in the in between of what was and what is.

I think the best we can do for ourselves, and those with whom we come into contact, is to be as compassionate and kind as possible.  Everyone is under a lot of stress as we go through this transition, both from the outside and from the inside, and the more patient and accepting we can be with ourselves and others, the more graceful this transition will be.  I think it's giving us a chance to really open up to ourselves and be more loving.  And, the more we're able to accept and love ourselves, the more we'll be able to do that for everyone else.

Deep transitions and transformations are not easy, but we're better for them.  They always require a change in perspective and behavior, which we usually resist, but once we let go we wonder why we didn't do it sooner.  There's a release and a relaxation to deep change that is expansive and liberating.  It's difficult to remember that sometimes when we're in the throes of it, which is when we could really benefit by being kind to ourselves.  But, once we stop struggling against the inevitable and let go into it, our being opens up again and we start to move forward.

So, let's love ourselves through this.  Let's be kind and compassionate with ourselves.  Let's really see ourselves, and accept and allow all aspects of ourselves to be included into the whole, even the ones that are frightened and resistant.  It's an opportunity to love ourselves free from everything that has held us captive or held us back or limited us in anyway.  If we can remember that, we can be grateful for this opportunity for change and transformation.  If we can remember that, we can embrace our experience and surrender into it.  If we can remember that, we can move forward by leaps and bounds. 

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