Notes on the Journey

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

It's Enough

I've been feeling exhausted for no reason lately.  I've been having trouble sleeping at night and then taking long naps in the day.  The only reason I can indulge these weird sleep patterns is that I don't have to go to work.  I've been accomplishing very little, as you might imagine.

Part of this is due to a lot of personal internal processing I've been doing lately, and part of this is due to the immense amount of light and energy coming into the planet.  We're all being required to process and integrate this light and energy at such a rate that we're getting a bit overwhelmed.  And, I don't see it letting up any time soon.  We're in the midst of a planetary upgrade and transitioning into a new dimension of being.  This is no small feat.  And, we're physically feeling the stress of it.

I used to be such a good sleeper.  I never had trouble going to sleep at night.  My head would hit the pillow and I'd be out.  I could pretty much sleep anywhere at anytime.  And, once asleep, I was a very sound sleeper.  I considered sleeping to be one of my talents.  Part of this, as I look back, was most likely due to the fact that my work left me constantly exhausted and sleep deprived.  When you run on four to five hours of sleep for years of time, your body is desperate for it.  Any time I'd stop, or let down, for even a few minutes, my body would go for sleep.  But now, I'm getting plenty of sleep.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm so exhausted because the Epstein Barr is kicking in, or the Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and subsequent Hypothyroidism.  But then, I talk to other people who are also feeling exhausted for no particular reason, and I realize it's something larger.  I don't like to blame whatever is going on with me to the planetary upgrade and infusion of light that's coming in, but it really does have a huge impact on all of us.  I'm tired of hearing about "ascension symptoms."  But, some of them are real.  And, like it or not, believe in it or not, this planetary transition is definitely affecting all of us.

We've been building up to this planetary transition for a long time.  The energy has been building slowly.  But, we've now come to a point in this buildup where the energy has gained momemtum and is speeding up.  We're literally being pushed through into a new reality and level of being.  And, it's no small accomplishment to go through this whole process while in the body.  It's never been done before on any other world.  And, it's taking a toll.  Some of us will be able to pull it off, and some of us won't.  Upgrading our vibrational level, changing dimensions, and transforming our physical beings from a carbon-based system into a crystalline-based system while in the body is pretty miraculous.  No wonder we're all exhausted.

There's not much we can do about it except to ride it out.  But, what we can do is to be kind to ourselves.  We can stop pushing ourselves as much as we might have in the past.  We can lighten our schedules and demand less of ourselves, knowing that this huge shift we're participating in is taking the lion's share of our energy.  If we keep pushing ourselves the way we were able to in 3D, we'll burn ourselves out.  So, it's a choice.  We can acknowledge what's going on and give ourselves a break, or we can just keep pushing and see what happens.  How much can we take?  Like an experiment.

I'm very grateful that I chose to stop working at the end of last year so that I can ride the energy on a daily basis.  Because I'm not being pulled by the external in the way I was when I was working, I've become much more internal in focus, and much more attuned to the energy.  Some days I have a lot of energy.  I get up early and get lots done.  But, other days I can barely get out of bed, get very little done--feeding the cats is a big accomplishment--and take long naps.  I don't make many long-term plans, because I'm never sure how I'll feel on any given day.  I no longer will myself to do things I don't want to do, I just don't have the energy for it.

Since I stopped working, I've spent long periods of time feeling guilty about what I'm not doing.  I've tried to berate myself into doing various things.  But, I don't have much energy for that anymore either.  The whole idea of doing is highly overrated anyway.  And, I am doing things.  Not to the level I once did while I was working, but doing none the less.  And, this business of staying embodied while transitioning into a new dimension requires doing a lot.  It's just that most of the doing in regard to dimensional change is internal in nature.  So, it looks like we're not doing anything but, in actuality, we're doing more than we consciously understand.

I keep reaching new levels of acceptance of myself and who I am and what my life is.  And, I'm now much more accepting of what each day brings, or doesn't bring.  If I'm tired, I rest.  If I've got energy, I use it.  I don't wake up expecting either.  I've stopped wondering what I'm going to do, and now accept that I'm doing enough.  I've stopped judging myself on yet another level.  One more pressure valve released.  One less expectation to meet.  One more level of relaxation reached.

I have no idea how things will happen as the days go by, but I'm getting more comfortable with not knowing.  Allowing Life to show up as it does takes less energy than having any expectation of how it should show up.  And, the less energy I expend on judgments and expectations, the more energy I have to really be with whatever is happening.  And, considering what we're experiencing here on Earth, and the fact that we're the first humans to be experiencing it, I really want to be with it.  I think that's what it's about for some of us.  To really be with the change.  And, in terms of doing something, that's a lot.

And so, I enjoy my days.  I enjoy how Life shows up on a daily basis.  I cook and I clean and I take care of my cats, and I help to usher in the biggest change most of us will ever experience.  And, it's enough. 

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