And Now, It Begins

I found out this morning that Trump had won the presidential election in the US through an email from a friend.  I immediately felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.  I got suddenly nauseous as adrenaline moved through my system.  I wanted to deny that it was the truth.  I wanted to think that my friend was mistaken.  We love our delusions.  I didn't want to admit that the bubble had burst.  Burst completely wide open.  But, no matter what I'd like to hold on to, life as we've known it is done.  We have been launched into a period of transformation and transmutation that would seem to be the Armageddon that has been talked about for eons.  We have reached the final confrontation of light versus dark.  It is now in stark relief.  But, that's the point.  We are shocked.  The blinders have been ripped off.  The shadow just punched us in the face...hard.

As the initial rush of adrenaline fades and moves through my system, sadness takes over and I allow myself to cry tears of bitter disappointment.  I didn't think Brexit could happen.  And, I didn't think Trump could be elected President.  But, the rose-colored glasses had to come off at some point.  Right now, I'm feeling a bit daunted by what I know is going to be required of us in the four years to come.  I'll get over myself.

I'm on the older side of things.  I've been digging deep my whole life, working to transform myself and transmute my shadows.  I'm tired.  But, I know I can only allow myself the briefest bit of rest.  I've been feeling that I'm only just now starting to really come into my own.  I've been feeling that I'm only just now starting to walk into the deeper purpose for which I came to this planet at this time.  I've been feeling grateful for all the personal, internal work I've done previous to this moment in the knowing that it has prepared me for what will be required of me in the now.  And yet, the shock of today has not moved through yet.  I've not stabilized from the stunning realization of a Trump presidency and what that means for all of us.  But, tomorrow is another day.

What I know, beneath the tiredness and the shock, is that I will rise to the occasion.  We all will.  We will all recover ourselves and stabilize.  We will pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off.  We will join together.  We will do what needs to be done.  The best in all of us will prevail.  We're going to be called upon to rise up in ways we could never have imagined.  And, we will rise.  We're going to be called upon to be strong.  And, we will be strong.  We're going to be pushed to the limits of our stamina and focus, but we will dig deep and roll up our sleeves and do what we came here to do.  For many of us, this is what we've been preparing for.  We're just entering the birth canal.  It's going to take us four years to get through it, and we're going to be asked to be more than we ever thought we could be, but we're going to birth ourselves into something better and brighter as we come out on the other side.  Breathe.

Difficult times bring out the best in us.  It is in difficult times that we are called upon to rise up and be the best that we can be.  It is in difficult times that we find our strength and our courage.  It is in difficult times that we find out who we are and what we're made of.  We are heading into such difficult times.  It's going to take everything we have to turn this crazy runaway train around, but we will do it.  We are up to the task.  Yes.  We are.

As I read on Facebook recently--and I apologize for not remembering who said it--we are in an Evolution, not a Revolution.  Things must change, but not in the way they've changed before.  This time, we must walk the path of the heart.  Violence is not what we want.  Confrontation and resistance is not going to get it done.  This time, it's the feminine joined with the masculine.  This time it's going to look different than anything we've seen throughout our historical past.  Trump, and everyone who voted for him, are standing in the mirror of our shadow so that we can see it in undeniable form.  We have to see it so that we can own all of what is being imaged for us.  So that we can accept it within ourselves.  So that we can love it free and integrate it into our wholeness.  As Matt Licata would say, we need to slow down, slow way down, and get deeply, quietly curious about what's showing itself to us.

Our nation is soul sick because we've been in denial for too long.  It needs all the love we can muster so that we can see our way forward.  This is not a time of division and separation and isolation.  This is a time of coming together and union and compassion.  And, we are going to find our way.  We are going to reshape things and find solutions that work for everyone.  We are going to work even harder to protect our planet, because we have to.  I don't know why humans seem to need to be pushed to the brink before we jump into action and pull ourselves back.  Maybe it's our seeming love of drama and the excitement of a last minute save.  But, whatever the reason, we're here.  And, we're going to pull it out.

Take a day to mourn and wallow around and scream and rage.  Let it all move through.  And, try not to project it onto everyone and everything around you.  But, tomorrow, we need you.  We need your heart.  We need your prayers.  We need your good deeds.  We need your strength.  We need your perseverance.  We need your truth.  We need your engagement.  We need you to show up in the best way possible.  How each of us is going to be asked to show up will vary.  But, we'll know it when we see it.  Some of us will speak out and say the things that others are not able to say.  Some of us will notice things that not everyone sees.  Some of us will pray without ceasing and be the container for all that needs to happen.  Some of us will be the feet on the ground.  Some of us will protect the children and animals.  Some of us will run for office.  There are endless ways that each and every one of us will be inspired to act, and all of us will merge together to bring about the world we know it's possible to create.  Together.

We've received the invitation.  Show up.  Rise up.  Lift up.  We can do this.  This is what we came for.  This is our work.  All of us are needed.  All is well.

The Sacred Service of Standing Rock

Those of us who came into the planet with what we now refer to as The Baby Boom, I call The Transition Team.  But, I'm now realizing that we were only the first of what will end up being a number of Transition Teams.  We came in to shake things up, to shake them loose, to initiate change, to crack it open.  I was 18 in 1968 and can only say how grateful I am that I got to be on the planet at that time and be old enough to be involved in the initiation of change that we brought about.

For my generation, there were extremes of expression that contributed to the cracks in the system we needed to create.  There were the militant ones who were very vocal, and sometimes violent, but whose voices were so needed in the equation.  We needed those who were able to express the anger and repression that we'd collectively experienced for eons.  We needed to hear the issues spoken out loud that were up for all of us.  We needed those who channeled the collective anger and got things moving.  And then, there was the other end of the equation with the "hippie" movement that initiated a big shove toward the idea that love was the answer and that it was important to "get back to the garden."  As active as some of my generation have been, it's now time for a new Transition Team to shake things up in a different way.  And, apart from shaking things up, the now generation also has solutions to bring to the table that weren't able to be put into play previously.  Because of what we did, they're ahead of where we started and will take us further forward in the direction we need to go collectively.

Standing Rock is part of this process.  My 3X great grandfather was Ochinee, a sub-chief of the Southern Cheyenne tribe, and he was killed in the massacre at Sand Creek on November 29, 1864.  I'm very activated by what's going on at Standing Rock right now.  Not only because I feel my DNA stirring, but because of the deep wound it brings up for all of us in terms of how we've collectively treated Native Americans since the beginning of our country.  The USA is founded on the genocide of Native Americans...because the immigrants wanted what they had; wanted to live where they lived; wanted to own land which, to the Native Americans, was impossible to own; and, who were driven by greed and wanted to profit from the land instead of care for it.  Those who came to this continent pushed the Native Americans back as they marched forward from the East Coast to the West Coast, agreed to treaties they never honored, and slaughtered and marginalized the native people.  These issues are not gone.  All of this is alive and continuing today and being brought into the collective consciousness through the events at Standing Rock.

I think there is a collective agreement in place with all the souls involved at Standing Rock to play out these issues for the benefit of the awareness it brings to all of us.  There are centuries of abuse and trauma being enacted yet again, only this time on a world stage with global awareness.  Only this time, we're all involved.  Only this time, we get to choose to handle it differently.  Even President Obama, in his detachment and concern for the monied interests, is playing his part.  The choice he's made to "let it all play out over the next couple of weeks" is made from the same mindset that the powers that be have had in regard to those on the front lines in conflict after conflict.  The idea that the harm that is happening to those involved is less important than rerouting a pipeline that should never have been built is the mindset we're in the process of changing.

Things have to be shaken up.  Some people need to yell and confront.  Some people need to pray and act as containers.  Some people need to sweat and smudge and purify.  Everyone at Standing Rock, on both sides, is fulfilling a very sacred purpose for all of us.  These roles must be played out for all of us to see so we can come into awareness about the issues and energetics we still carry that these events are embodying.  No matter who you relate to in this conflict, or where you are in how you feel about it, we're all being healed by it in the long run.  No matter how little things look like they're moving around it, they are moving.  Minds are being affected, hearts are being affected.  Some people, on the military side of the equation, have quit their jobs because they are refusing to perpetrate atrocities in the name of greed.  Movement is happening.

Vibrationally, things need to get stirred up.  This type of event, such as Standing Rock, starts the vibrational resonance that builds and results in real and deep change.  As upsetting as it can be...and, believe me, I'm one of those people who's intensely upset and affected by what's going on there...it's performing an important service.  Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are also serving us.  I'm the last person who wants Donald Trump as president, but he's bringing up and initiating vibrational change in regard to a number of issues that would otherwise have stayed suppressed.  Life has chosen a very good change agent.  Because of Donald Trump's inability to act in a civilized manner, he's been a continuous well of richness in terms of all the issues he's activated.  Because of him, women are joining forces and saying "no more."  Because of him, we're looking at our election process and seeing that reforms are sorely needed.  Because of him, we're looking at armament, financials, violence, racism, xenophobia, bullying, irresponsibility and obstructionism in government, and the list goes on.

Hillary Clinton is also serving in another way.  She's bringing up issues of integrity, female power, greed, corporate investment, using political office for personal gain, and again, the list goes on.  Both of our current candidates are perfect for the time, as uncomfortable as they both make us in different ways.  Without either of them, we wouldn't have the chance we are currently being given to look at all the issues they both bring to the fore.  For those who pray, endless prayers are needed for all the players now on the world stage of awakening, on both sides of whatever situation you might be aware of or involved in.

It is my feeling that we have some years ahead of us to become aware of the issues that have been sleeping and to wake them up and move through them.  But, I feel that in about 4 years, we'll start to see things tip in a way that will allow us all to move forward differently.  We have to be strong in this interim period of transition.  Those of us who can, need to hold the pole of where we're headed collectively and form a compassionate container for all the change that needs to and will be taking place.  It is not an easy task to balance all the chaos and confusion that this type of monumental collective change requires.  It is not an easy task to witness and be present for all the horror that is taking place.  But, the darkness has to be seen.  The darkness has to be owned, integrated, accepted and loved free.  This is exactly what so many of us came into the planet to do.  This is our work.  We were born to do this.

I have personally, just within the last week, finally come into an awareness of things I've been holding and hiding from and suppressing for most of my life.  Things are moving that I wasn't sure were ever going to show themselves in a way I could understand and own.  My heart is opening in ways I could only have hoped for previously, because it is getting broken day after day after day.  I'm getting worn down.  The type of pounding we've been experiencing, in the election and in numerous other worldwide events, is necessary in order to wear us down, to wear away the resistance we have to all of what we need to see.  Even though it's not easy or comfortable or pleasant to confront, all the issues we see in the world exist in each one of us personally.  They're different for each of us.  We all get triggered by different things.  We're all involved in or aware of different issues and situations.  But, for all of us, in whatever way it's showing up, we're being given a golden opportunity to move through a huge backlog of misperceptions, constrictions, resistances and limitations.  We're being given an opportunity to leap forward in a quantum way.  And, even though this type of vast and substantial change might be challenging, it is a gift of immense proportion.

What's needed?  Notice where you're triggered and what's being brought up for review.  Notice what you're feeling drawn to in terms of where you feel you might be of benefit.  Witness what's happening with compassion for all involved.  Do whatever you feel drawn to do to help balance the energies at play.  Be present to what's happening without numbing to it.  Pray, do ceremony, create rituals, form groups, discuss, be curious, engage.  Each of us will have to discover the ways that work best for us.  Each of us will be called upon to confront our own issues in our own ways.  Each of us will change and transform in ways we can't even imagine right now.  Step up when you're called to and in whatever way you're called to do it.

The Native Americans at Standing Rock are serving as a wonderful example in terms of how they are dealing with the violence and imperialism and greed they are being faced with.  They are being peaceful and relying on prayer.  They are dealing with the issues at play in a deeply sacred way.  They are embodying principles for all of us to be inspired by and to follow.  They are sacrificing themselves on the altar of collective change and awakening.  Honor them for their amazing service.  Honor them for their personal sacrifice.  Honor them for what they've held for all of us for time immemorial.  Honor them for their strength and courage.  And, honor the perpetrators of violence as well, because without that pole being held, this mirror couldn't exist.

We're going to see amazing and wondrous change in the next few years.  We're going to be called upon to step up in ways that many of us won't see coming.  To use a term that Glennon Doyle Melton coined, we're all "Love Warriors."  We came in to play this out.  We came in to heal ourselves and our planet.  It might look dark right now, but it's true that it always looks darkest right before a breakthrough.  We're on our way to a breakthrough.  And, we're going to make it.  We've taken everything to the brink, but we're not going to go over.  We're going to pull it back.  We just need to keep going.  Hang in there.  Trust the process.  All is well.

Time to Turn it Around

I just watched a documentary on YouTube called "The Burning Times."  It's an important film for anyone who would like to understand how the misogynistic society we now live in came to be.  And, the first step toward changing something, is to understand it as deeply as possible.  Ignorance is not bliss.  Ignorance and denial only perpetuate the continuance of ignorance and denial.  It's time to climb out of that rabbit hole.

Many of us lament the current state of things and wonder how we got here.  There are reasons, and all of them are based in fear.  Fear of the thing that is unknown or different.  Fear of an idea.  Fear of being wrong.  Fear of not having enough.  The list goes on and on.  Fear has managed to gain quite a strong foothold.

The mystical, from which Christianity arose, and from which all organized religion has arisen, has been desired and feared and misunderstood by the majority.  Those who have mystical experiences and then try to explain them to others, have often misconstrued and mistranslated such events.  Or, the consciousness of the one who has the mystical experience, is different enough from those around them that, no matter the language they choose to use, they are bound to be misunderstood.  We can not bottle mysticism, it is individual to each of us in ways that are very personal.  We can only teach or share that which is of personal value to us, which doesn't mean that it will be of value to another, or that another will be able to understand it or put it into practice and get the same result that we have gotten.  And, real mysticism is alive and growing and changing all the time.  Real mysticism is of the now and connected into Life as we live it day by day.

Those who want what the mystic has had--a connection to and experience of the Divine--will often attempt to organize the experience into steps that are achievable for others to follow.  We try to make rules for the mystical.  Ten Steps to Happiness, The Five Things That Will Bring You Peace, Keys to Success, etc...these are not real book or video titles, they are titles I've made up to make a point, that we're still trying to capsulize what is essentially an individual experience.  And, once enough people believe our version of "how to get there," then anyone who tries another way, or believes another way, is often made wrong.  Such is the way organized religions begin.

We're coming up to the time of Samhain, All Hallows Eve, or Halloween as most of us now call it.  Many will choose to pretend to be witches when they dress themselves for Halloween.  Many children will be frightened, yet again, by people costumed as witches, pretending to cast evil spells on those around them.  This interpretation of a witch comes out of the Inquisition.  It is misogynistic, and creates a negative connotation of women based out of fear of women's inherent connection to the Earth and to Life.  And, however innocently, continues fear and misogyny for generation after generation.

Witches were, historically, those who were connected to the Earth and to the Divine.  They understood the laws of nature.  They used herbs for healing.  They birthed babies and tended the sick.  They comforted and served those of their tribes.  They were wise and were honored for their wisdom.  At the time when witches were honored as wise members of the tribe, the tribe was more connected to the Earth in general and followed the seasons, and lived by the natural cycles of Life.  Their rituals and traditions arose out of the organic celebration and honoring of their connection to the life they were living.  Sacredness was connected to all of Life.

Christianity has historically brought about more death and destruction than possibly any other belief system.  As it has been co-opted by those who want power over others, who are afraid of belief systems different from their own, and who seem to want absolute control over those within their domain, it has turned into a vehicle of limitation and abuse, especially of the feminine.  Yes, there are those, in spite of everything, who have found the Divine through Christianity.  And, we have much to be thankful for because of Christianity and what it has wrought.  But, it is necessary to look at and accept the wholeness of its influence, which includes many horrific things done in its name and the name of the one who inspired it.

As we need to see and accept all aspects of ourselves in order to be whole and free human beings, so we also need to see and accept all aspects of our institutions and belief systems.  In the same way that personal shadows control us, historical and institutional shadows control us in a larger sense.  If we are not able to look at the horror of our past, and accept and understand what has caused us to be truly evil to one another, then the horrific behavior will continue.  What are the fears and misconceptions that drive us to abuse and kill each other today?  Why, when we know better, do we continue to abuse our Earth and all of the species who inhabit her?  Why are some people driven by a lust of power and greed that is insatiable?  The answers to these questions lie within each of us and are individual.  But, they also lie within our societies and our collective histories, and must be addressed by all of us together.

How do we do this?  We do it by being open to each other and communicating honestly.  We do it by being curious of our differences and by being desirous to learn from them.  We do it by finding our own authenticity and then by sharing it through our vulnerability and willingness to reveal ourselves to each other.  We do it by lifting each other up instead of trying to control each other.  We do it by listening to each other and honoring each others' experience and perceptions.  We do it by agreeing to disagree and by allowing each other to live freely.  We do it by celebrating Life and its seasons instead of trying to control them and frightening each other because of it.  We do it by walking into the unknown and expanding ourselves instead of shutting down in the face of it.  We do it by being polite with each other and treating each other with respect.  We do it by remembering that we are all one and that we each carry the hearts of our brothers and sisters in our hands.  We do it by each act of kindness, understanding and compassion we are able to give each other in every moment.

We've all seen and experienced enough horror to last many generations.  It's time to say no more.  It's time to say enough to fear and death and destruction.  It's time to turn this runaway train around and take back the connection and sanctity of our lives.  Let's do what we can, each and every one of us, so that we can look at our world and not lament "how did we get here?"  But, so that we can look at our world and be proud of what we've created.

Our governments, our corporations, our institutions and belief systems are us.  They are not separate from us.  Things are the way they are because we've made them that way, or allowed them to be that way.  It's up to each one of us to create the world we want.  It's time to stop complaining and get busy.  It's time to grow up and accept responsibility.  It's time to stop blaming others and expecting someone else to do what needs to be done.  It has obviously taken the state of things the way they are to wake us up.  But, now we've got to get out of bed and get moving.  We are on the abyss.  No one will save us but ourselves.  We can do this.  We were born for this.  It is our destiny.      

A Great Love Affair

I listened to the recording of a channeling of Martin Luther King, Jr. from March 2007 by Michele Mayama of www.lightsmith.com yesterday.  I found it most inspiring.  His gift of power, authenticity, and inspiration are still alive through the words he speaks even though he's no longer embodied on this planet.

There were two things he said in this recording that especially touched me.  The first was that the dynamic of slavery exists throughout the cosmos.  It's not something that humans on Earth thought up, it's something that was brought here and has been practiced in many other places and in many other life systems.  The second was that Earth was born out of a great love affair!

In regard to the first point, of slavery not being unique to Earth, I realized the far-reaching importance of healing that dynamic.  Because, by healing it here, and fully realizing the oneness of all Life, and the equality of all souls, and choosing against the enslavement of any being--human or otherwise--we would contribute to the healing of slavery throughout the cosmos.

But, it was in regard to the second point, that Earth was born out of a great love affair, that truly rocked my world.  Many of us acknowledge and are aware of the fact that Earth, or Gaia as many of us call her, is a living being.  But, I had not taken that awareness farther into the wholeness of what it means in the context of our larger reality.

Two beings, two energies--or maybe more than two?--came together in great love; and the Life that came out of that communion was Gaia.  Why Life would be created any differently in the larger sense than it is in the human sense had just never occurred to me.  But, it brought home to me in a way that I had not realized before, the oneness of all Life.  It's difficult to articulate the impact this statement had on me.  When I heard it, I had to stop the recording and just sit with the statement.  I sobbed as I processed it into the deeper levels of my being.  I'm still processing it.  I might have more to say about it later, but for now, I wanted to share it with everyone.

I heard the Martin Luther King, Jr. channeling 9 years ago, when it was first recorded, but I don't remember hearing this statement about love at that time.  Obviously, I wasn't ready to receive it then.  And, I'm most grateful to have been given the chance to listen to the recording again now, so that I could receive the gift that this statement of love carries for me.

Our bodies are small and human.  But, other bodies are large and the size of a planet, or a solar system, or a galaxy, or something else of which we have no concept.  And, Life loves, whatever its body looks like and however it takes its expression.  And, more Life comes out of great love.  Love births Life.  And, Life is the expression of love.  There can be no Life without love, because love is the essence of Life.  I need to come up with new vocabulary to express what has opened for me.  Just as we need to create new systems by which we live together on Gaia, we need to create new words to express our continuously expanding awareness.

The Earth was born out of a great love affair.  Yes.  And, that love surrounds her still, and those of us who live in, on and with her.  She is made of love, as are we.  It is the essence of who we are.  It is what breathes us and lives us and expresses through us.  Love is not an action.   Love is.

 

Let Freedom Reign

Today is Independence Day in the United States.  A day in which we celebrate the reality and concept of freedom.

Our country was formed in an effort to allow people to be able to practice their religion and spiritual beliefs without fear of persecution.  Those who started this new country wanted to be sovereign over themselves and not under the rule of a person or class that had more and wielded power over others, often not in their best interests.  In order to obtain the freedom that was so highly desired, it was eventually necessary to break away from the structure of society that had ruled up until that point.

The United States, by taking its freedom from the United Kingdom, said "no" to the class system, based in birth.  A system that prohibited anyone born outside of it to rise to their highest potential, and to be accepted for who they were and not to whom they were born.  This was a radical departure.  Although one that had to happen to break the chain of power over others.

It is specifically because of the fact that anyone in the United States is able to rise to their highest potential in freedom, that has inspired so many all over the globe.  And, it is my fervent hope that the United States is able to remain a beacon for freedom and creativity and open-hearted acceptance of all those who come to her desiring a better life for themselves and their families.

Many of us seem to have forgotten the principles upon which our nation was founded...freedom of choice and the equality of all men and women.  We are a nation of immigrants, and our diversity has been one of our strengths.  A large number of us have grown afraid and want to limit the very diversity that has made us strong.  We have started to believe in lack and limitation; in the idea that there's not enough to go around.  But, in reality, there is more than enough for everyone.

Right now, things are out of balance.  A small percentage of people at the top of the economic chain have managed to gain control of the lion's share of resources.  And, in the process, have convinced those from whom they've taken their advantage that they're too small and powerless to fight back.  We have a capitalist system based in slavery of the masses that continues to this day.

Democracy and capitalism have been valuable tools for a certain time.  But, times are changing and new systems and ways of being need to be called forth.  The old systems are corrupt and crumbling, and it is up to us to create new ones that work better.  We must not be afraid of the change that is needed in order to maintain our freedom and the ability to manifest our highest potential.  We can not give ourselves and our country and our lives over to those who have the most money, or the most power.  It is time to remember the values upon which our nation was founded and fulfill them once again.  We must be the Phoenix and rise from the ashes of the past and what is clearly not working any longer.

Freedom is a big responsibility.  Taking full responsibility for ourselves and our creations is not as easy as allowing others to have power over us, but it is much more satisfying and fulfilling.  It is much more exciting.  The time of power over others is done.  We are now in the time of creating together, collectively.  We must remember that each soul is precious and has a valuable contribution to make, and create a society that allows that contribution to be realized and received.  We must embody the foundations and concepts upon which our nation was built, and reclaim the freedom that is the right of all life on this planet.

We are becoming a global community.  There is no denying this or resisting it.  It is the reality.  It is what we've created.  Now is the time to start realizing that there are no borders and boundaries other than the ones we make.  We are all members of this global community of Earth.  There is enough for all of us, more than enough.  If all the money was being used and circulated for the benefit of all the people, prosperity and opportunity would exist for everyone.  The answers lie in the collective contributions of all of us.  There are solutions, right now, to all the problems we are facing.  And, we are facing problems of such global magnitude that it will take all of us together to solve them, but the solutions are there.

I was devastated by the Brexit vote of the UK to leave the EU.   It is a last gasp of fear and contraction that will negatively affect so many.  But, it is also a wake-up call to the rest of us to not allow fear to be the controlling factor.  We are in a time when borders need to be opening and free movement on a global scale needs to be implemented.  We need to transform our identities within a national structure to expand into a global structure.  We need to acknowledge and accept all Life, in its myriad forms, as part of our community.  We need to value and support each other in being the best we can be.  We can not shrink from what is before us and retreat into fear.  We must rise to meet the challenges we are facing together.

We can do this.  We came here to do this.  By transforming our current out-dated system of "capitalism based in slavery"* to one that supports and encourages each of us to be our best, we will have healed a deep wound that exists throughout the cosmos.  Let's rise together and let freedom reign!

*The words in quotes were taken from a channeling of Martin Luther King, Jr. by Michele Mayama from March of 2007 and which can be found on www.lightsmith.com

Integrating Change

http://robbell.podbean.com/e/episode-103-alexander-shaia-on-openings-and-energy/

I posted on Facebook prior to writing a blog post about the interview to which the link above takes you.  I was so touched by the interview, and so grateful for the information it contains, that I wanted to immediately get the link onto Facebook before even taking time to write the blog.  So, some of this post will have been read by those of you who've seen my Facebook post, but I do expand on it here.

I wrote the following to accompany the link on my Facebook post:

"The link posted here is to an interview that Rob Bell did with Alexander Shaia that is incredibly valuable and explanatory for how we feel after having gone through a life-changing experience or growth period. We often struggle in the aftermath of a personal expansion, and this interview talks about the effect of the growth, what it calls us to, and how to move into it. I wasn't aware of Alexander Shaia prior to listening to this interview, but I will now mine his work for the jewels it holds.

"We each walk the Hero's Journey, whether we think of it that way or not. There is this inherent rhythm of the Hero's Journey that we all live, no matter what the externals of our life look like. And, the point of that journey where we often get stuck, is what to do with our ourselves after the "peak experience." How do we integrate what we've been through? Who are we after what we've been through? How do we move forward in a way that encompasses what we've learned? And, how do we use what we've learned or become to benefit others and be of service to the whole?

"Each of these questions must be individually answered. And, the very uncomfortable period of change that the growth experience has triggered must be walked through until a new place of being is reached. And, this interview talks about this process in a way that I found extremely helpful."

I've had many growth experiences and peak experiences in my life, and the hard part is always how to integrate them and live from them after the fact.  Most recently, I walked The Camino--which Alexander Shaia has done twice--and then I moved to France.  It is a big topic of discussion among the Pilgrim community what one does after one gets back from pilgrimage.  I feel that my gypsy life of film production and travel has prepared me maybe better than most for the post-peak-experience time, but that doesn't mean it's ever an easy adjustment.

Every film I ever did, every trip I ever took, was a growth experience.  Each film and travel experience was a vehicle of change, awareness and expansion.  And, as Alexander Shaia mentions in the interview, the deeper the change we go through, the more challenging the integration of the experience can be.  I would go away on location to work on a film and be excited by the prospects of what that film and the experience of working on it would hold.  And, I would come back a different person, every time.  How to take up the details of the life that was left to go have the experience, and how to integrate who I had become through the experience, was always challenging and often confusing.

As we change, our vibration changes.  This is science.  But, the vibration of what we left behind when we go out to have an experience stays the same.  When we return, there is a necessary "tuning" of vibration so that we can re-align with our environment and our friends and family.  I've found it personally helpful to energetically work with my previous environment prior to my return so that a lot of the tuning that needs to take place has already happened when I get home.  Upon my return, I would also go through a period of deep cleaning and re-organizing of my immediate environment.  This process helped to imprint my new energy in the space, clear out the energy that was no longer in alignment, and re-ground myself.  And, because my energy had changed, things that I formerly aligned with, had to be purged and moved out.

A really important point for me that Alexander Shaia makes in his interview is that the growth experience doesn't necessarily give us answers, but rather it gives us energy and inspiration.  And, that after the growth experience, we go through a period of "in between" as we traverse the territory of where we were to where we are now and to where we are going.  This in between is where we can often get off track, or think we've lost what we gained through our growth experience.  But, understanding that the in between is the period of time during which we integrate what happened, and utilize the energy we gained through the experience to embody our next step, makes it more bearable and less confusing and disorienting.

The final step in the journey, the way Alexander Shaia explains it, is then taking what we've learned through our growth experience and sharing it in a way of service to the whole.  This is where the rubber meets the road.  Are we able to take what we've learned and apply it in a way that helps the collective?  Are we able to embody what we've learned and live our lives as an expression of it in actual application?  That does not mean that the expression has to take the shape of Earth-shattering impact.  Although, if the expression is one of more kindness, or more understanding, or more acceptance, or more compassion, or more love...these actually are Earth-shattering in their impact.

To be able to live from the new place we've discovered in a way that uplifts and benefits all those with whom we come into contact is an immense gift.  To be able to integrate our experiences and then live them in the day-to-day of life is a contribution of unlimited value.  An open heart, a kind word, a moment of human understanding, a hand offered in assistance...these are the things that can change lives.  Living in the integrity of what we've learned grows us and all those around us.

None of us are here solely for ourselves and our own enrichment, but for the enrichment of the whole of Life.  We are each connected to each other in ways deeper than it's possible for our human minds to comprehend.  The same Life that lives one of us, lives all of us.  And, every step we make for ourselves, we make for all of humanity and for all Life everywhere.  No progress is small progress.  Every step forward on any level is of immense value to us all.  Nothing happens in a vacuum.  Everything we go through, everything we do, affects all of Life.  We are all Bodhisattvas.

Life is a progression of one growth experience after another.  May we all receive, integrate and embody our lives in a way that benefits all Life and allows us to live in integrity and a deeper connection to all creation.  Embrace the experience, the difference, the in between, and the new territory that's been opened.  Embrace the change it brings...no matter what it looks like or what kind of chaos it entails.  Change can be frightening, but it's also exciting.  Change always brings new Life and is inherent in all growth experiences.  It is our openness to the change that is wrought that determines whether we end up struggling or moving forward.  Our ability to receive the gift of what each day brings without resistance is what facilitates our growth, integration, and embodiment.

It is my hope for all of us that we grow and change and gift ourselves to all of Life without hesitation.  We are each a gift to each other, no matter who we are or what we carry or what our perspective might be.  We each have things to learn and things to teach.  It is an honor to be here with all of you.   

An Unexpected Gift of Grace

I was standing in my kitchen looking out the window and I had the sudden realization that I was no longer trying to “make it.”  What a relief.  What a burden to lay down.

I’ve been driven for my whole life.  I’ve always been trying to “make it,” always been trying to be more, better, thinner, liked, accepted, right, correct…something.  There have been brief periods of rest when the striving took a break, but it was never gone for long and would always resume.  And, in the background, there was always an engine running.  This kind of efforting to be more, or to be perfect—whatever that means—drives a lot of us but, for me, it came out of my orphan beginnings.

I always knew I was adopted.  My parents told me from the time I began to ask where I came from.  They never wanted me to be surprised by it later in life.  But, somehow it created a fear in me that they might send me back; that, if I wasn’t good enough, I might lose my family.  If I wasn’t the perfect little girl I might not be loved.  If I didn’t do what I was told, maybe they wouldn’t let me stay.  If I was too loud, I might have to leave.  These types of concerns have shadowed all my relationships, my performance at work, and the way I look at the world.

I was talking with my hairdresser in San Diego one day, while she was cutting my hair, about trying to make ends meet and finding work when one was older.  I’d been retired for a couple of years by then and was working part-time and she was in the process of losing a job she’d had for a long time and liked.  We were both struggling.  And, she said to me, “Here we are at this age and still trying to make it.”  Whoa…  I’d never thought of my life like that, but the realization of what she said landed on me very heavily.

When one is constantly striving and struggling the way I did, it rather precludes presence or gratitude.  I had moments of both presence and gratitude throughout my life, but they were always visited upon me by grace and short-lived.  There was a constant dissatisfaction and depression driving me forward.  I was never good enough.  I never did enough.  I never felt secure.  I never really belonged.

But, now, almost four years after I retired, and four months after moving to France, I realize that the striving is done.  The need to “make it” in any way is gone.  My need to prove myself has left me.  I’m fine the way I am.  Life is good and all is well.  I’m able to live my life one day at a time and enjoy each one.  I no longer feel inadequate.  Amazing.

I didn’t actively do anything to stop myself from striving.  It is a gift of grace, an unexpected awareness, a surprising internal shift.  I do think it has been facilitated by the quiet simplicity of my life, by the smallness of the village where I live, by my increased connection to nature, and by the kind acceptance of my neighbors and friends here.  Something in me has settled by moving here and choosing this for myself.  The voice of restless dissatisfaction has finally become silent.

I make no conclusions or judgments about this awareness, I’m just grateful.  Grateful for the quiet.  Grateful for the peace.  Grateful.