Let Freedom Reign

Today is Independence Day in the United States.  A day in which we celebrate the reality and concept of freedom.

Our country was formed in an effort to allow people to be able to practice their religion and spiritual beliefs without fear of persecution.  Those who started this new country wanted to be sovereign over themselves and not under the rule of a person or class that had more and wielded power over others, often not in their best interests.  In order to obtain the freedom that was so highly desired, it was eventually necessary to break away from the structure of society that had ruled up until that point.

The United States, by taking its freedom from the United Kingdom, said "no" to the class system, based in birth.  A system that prohibited anyone born outside of it to rise to their highest potential, and to be accepted for who they were and not to whom they were born.  This was a radical departure.  Although one that had to happen to break the chain of power over others.

It is specifically because of the fact that anyone in the United States is able to rise to their highest potential in freedom, that has inspired so many all over the globe.  And, it is my fervent hope that the United States is able to remain a beacon for freedom and creativity and open-hearted acceptance of all those who come to her desiring a better life for themselves and their families.

Many of us seem to have forgotten the principles upon which our nation was founded...freedom of choice and the equality of all men and women.  We are a nation of immigrants, and our diversity has been one of our strengths.  A large number of us have grown afraid and want to limit the very diversity that has made us strong.  We have started to believe in lack and limitation; in the idea that there's not enough to go around.  But, in reality, there is more than enough for everyone.

Right now, things are out of balance.  A small percentage of people at the top of the economic chain have managed to gain control of the lion's share of resources.  And, in the process, have convinced those from whom they've taken their advantage that they're too small and powerless to fight back.  We have a capitalist system based in slavery of the masses that continues to this day.

Democracy and capitalism have been valuable tools for a certain time.  But, times are changing and new systems and ways of being need to be called forth.  The old systems are corrupt and crumbling, and it is up to us to create new ones that work better.  We must not be afraid of the change that is needed in order to maintain our freedom and the ability to manifest our highest potential.  We can not give ourselves and our country and our lives over to those who have the most money, or the most power.  It is time to remember the values upon which our nation was founded and fulfill them once again.  We must be the Phoenix and rise from the ashes of the past and what is clearly not working any longer.

Freedom is a big responsibility.  Taking full responsibility for ourselves and our creations is not as easy as allowing others to have power over us, but it is much more satisfying and fulfilling.  It is much more exciting.  The time of power over others is done.  We are now in the time of creating together, collectively.  We must remember that each soul is precious and has a valuable contribution to make, and create a society that allows that contribution to be realized and received.  We must embody the foundations and concepts upon which our nation was built, and reclaim the freedom that is the right of all life on this planet.

We are becoming a global community.  There is no denying this or resisting it.  It is the reality.  It is what we've created.  Now is the time to start realizing that there are no borders and boundaries other than the ones we make.  We are all members of this global community of Earth.  There is enough for all of us, more than enough.  If all the money was being used and circulated for the benefit of all the people, prosperity and opportunity would exist for everyone.  The answers lie in the collective contributions of all of us.  There are solutions, right now, to all the problems we are facing.  And, we are facing problems of such global magnitude that it will take all of us together to solve them, but the solutions are there.

I was devastated by the Brexit vote of the UK to leave the EU.   It is a last gasp of fear and contraction that will negatively affect so many.  But, it is also a wake-up call to the rest of us to not allow fear to be the controlling factor.  We are in a time when borders need to be opening and free movement on a global scale needs to be implemented.  We need to transform our identities within a national structure to expand into a global structure.  We need to acknowledge and accept all Life, in its myriad forms, as part of our community.  We need to value and support each other in being the best we can be.  We can not shrink from what is before us and retreat into fear.  We must rise to meet the challenges we are facing together.

We can do this.  We came here to do this.  By transforming our current out-dated system of "capitalism based in slavery"* to one that supports and encourages each of us to be our best, we will have healed a deep wound that exists throughout the cosmos.  Let's rise together and let freedom reign!

*The words in quotes were taken from a channeling of Martin Luther King, Jr. by Michele Mayama from March of 2007 and which can be found on www.lightsmith.com

Integrating Change

http://robbell.podbean.com/e/episode-103-alexander-shaia-on-openings-and-energy/

I posted on Facebook prior to writing a blog post about the interview to which the link above takes you.  I was so touched by the interview, and so grateful for the information it contains, that I wanted to immediately get the link onto Facebook before even taking time to write the blog.  So, some of this post will have been read by those of you who've seen my Facebook post, but I do expand on it here.

I wrote the following to accompany the link on my Facebook post:

"The link posted here is to an interview that Rob Bell did with Alexander Shaia that is incredibly valuable and explanatory for how we feel after having gone through a life-changing experience or growth period. We often struggle in the aftermath of a personal expansion, and this interview talks about the effect of the growth, what it calls us to, and how to move into it. I wasn't aware of Alexander Shaia prior to listening to this interview, but I will now mine his work for the jewels it holds.

"We each walk the Hero's Journey, whether we think of it that way or not. There is this inherent rhythm of the Hero's Journey that we all live, no matter what the externals of our life look like. And, the point of that journey where we often get stuck, is what to do with our ourselves after the "peak experience." How do we integrate what we've been through? Who are we after what we've been through? How do we move forward in a way that encompasses what we've learned? And, how do we use what we've learned or become to benefit others and be of service to the whole?

"Each of these questions must be individually answered. And, the very uncomfortable period of change that the growth experience has triggered must be walked through until a new place of being is reached. And, this interview talks about this process in a way that I found extremely helpful."

I've had many growth experiences and peak experiences in my life, and the hard part is always how to integrate them and live from them after the fact.  Most recently, I walked The Camino--which Alexander Shaia has done twice--and then I moved to France.  It is a big topic of discussion among the Pilgrim community what one does after one gets back from pilgrimage.  I feel that my gypsy life of film production and travel has prepared me maybe better than most for the post-peak-experience time, but that doesn't mean it's ever an easy adjustment.

Every film I ever did, every trip I ever took, was a growth experience.  Each film and travel experience was a vehicle of change, awareness and expansion.  And, as Alexander Shaia mentions in the interview, the deeper the change we go through, the more challenging the integration of the experience can be.  I would go away on location to work on a film and be excited by the prospects of what that film and the experience of working on it would hold.  And, I would come back a different person, every time.  How to take up the details of the life that was left to go have the experience, and how to integrate who I had become through the experience, was always challenging and often confusing.

As we change, our vibration changes.  This is science.  But, the vibration of what we left behind when we go out to have an experience stays the same.  When we return, there is a necessary "tuning" of vibration so that we can re-align with our environment and our friends and family.  I've found it personally helpful to energetically work with my previous environment prior to my return so that a lot of the tuning that needs to take place has already happened when I get home.  Upon my return, I would also go through a period of deep cleaning and re-organizing of my immediate environment.  This process helped to imprint my new energy in the space, clear out the energy that was no longer in alignment, and re-ground myself.  And, because my energy had changed, things that I formerly aligned with, had to be purged and moved out.

A really important point for me that Alexander Shaia makes in his interview is that the growth experience doesn't necessarily give us answers, but rather it gives us energy and inspiration.  And, that after the growth experience, we go through a period of "in between" as we traverse the territory of where we were to where we are now and to where we are going.  This in between is where we can often get off track, or think we've lost what we gained through our growth experience.  But, understanding that the in between is the period of time during which we integrate what happened, and utilize the energy we gained through the experience to embody our next step, makes it more bearable and less confusing and disorienting.

The final step in the journey, the way Alexander Shaia explains it, is then taking what we've learned through our growth experience and sharing it in a way of service to the whole.  This is where the rubber meets the road.  Are we able to take what we've learned and apply it in a way that helps the collective?  Are we able to embody what we've learned and live our lives as an expression of it in actual application?  That does not mean that the expression has to take the shape of Earth-shattering impact.  Although, if the expression is one of more kindness, or more understanding, or more acceptance, or more compassion, or more love...these actually are Earth-shattering in their impact.

To be able to live from the new place we've discovered in a way that uplifts and benefits all those with whom we come into contact is an immense gift.  To be able to integrate our experiences and then live them in the day-to-day of life is a contribution of unlimited value.  An open heart, a kind word, a moment of human understanding, a hand offered in assistance...these are the things that can change lives.  Living in the integrity of what we've learned grows us and all those around us.

None of us are here solely for ourselves and our own enrichment, but for the enrichment of the whole of Life.  We are each connected to each other in ways deeper than it's possible for our human minds to comprehend.  The same Life that lives one of us, lives all of us.  And, every step we make for ourselves, we make for all of humanity and for all Life everywhere.  No progress is small progress.  Every step forward on any level is of immense value to us all.  Nothing happens in a vacuum.  Everything we go through, everything we do, affects all of Life.  We are all Bodhisattvas.

Life is a progression of one growth experience after another.  May we all receive, integrate and embody our lives in a way that benefits all Life and allows us to live in integrity and a deeper connection to all creation.  Embrace the experience, the difference, the in between, and the new territory that's been opened.  Embrace the change it brings...no matter what it looks like or what kind of chaos it entails.  Change can be frightening, but it's also exciting.  Change always brings new Life and is inherent in all growth experiences.  It is our openness to the change that is wrought that determines whether we end up struggling or moving forward.  Our ability to receive the gift of what each day brings without resistance is what facilitates our growth, integration, and embodiment.

It is my hope for all of us that we grow and change and gift ourselves to all of Life without hesitation.  We are each a gift to each other, no matter who we are or what we carry or what our perspective might be.  We each have things to learn and things to teach.  It is an honor to be here with all of you.   

An Unexpected Gift of Grace

I was standing in my kitchen looking out the window and I had the sudden realization that I was no longer trying to “make it.”  What a relief.  What a burden to lay down.

I’ve been driven for my whole life.  I’ve always been trying to “make it,” always been trying to be more, better, thinner, liked, accepted, right, correct…something.  There have been brief periods of rest when the striving took a break, but it was never gone for long and would always resume.  And, in the background, there was always an engine running.  This kind of efforting to be more, or to be perfect—whatever that means—drives a lot of us but, for me, it came out of my orphan beginnings.

I always knew I was adopted.  My parents told me from the time I began to ask where I came from.  They never wanted me to be surprised by it later in life.  But, somehow it created a fear in me that they might send me back; that, if I wasn’t good enough, I might lose my family.  If I wasn’t the perfect little girl I might not be loved.  If I didn’t do what I was told, maybe they wouldn’t let me stay.  If I was too loud, I might have to leave.  These types of concerns have shadowed all my relationships, my performance at work, and the way I look at the world.

I was talking with my hairdresser in San Diego one day, while she was cutting my hair, about trying to make ends meet and finding work when one was older.  I’d been retired for a couple of years by then and was working part-time and she was in the process of losing a job she’d had for a long time and liked.  We were both struggling.  And, she said to me, “Here we are at this age and still trying to make it.”  Whoa…  I’d never thought of my life like that, but the realization of what she said landed on me very heavily.

When one is constantly striving and struggling the way I did, it rather precludes presence or gratitude.  I had moments of both presence and gratitude throughout my life, but they were always visited upon me by grace and short-lived.  There was a constant dissatisfaction and depression driving me forward.  I was never good enough.  I never did enough.  I never felt secure.  I never really belonged.

But, now, almost four years after I retired, and four months after moving to France, I realize that the striving is done.  The need to “make it” in any way is gone.  My need to prove myself has left me.  I’m fine the way I am.  Life is good and all is well.  I’m able to live my life one day at a time and enjoy each one.  I no longer feel inadequate.  Amazing.

I didn’t actively do anything to stop myself from striving.  It is a gift of grace, an unexpected awareness, a surprising internal shift.  I do think it has been facilitated by the quiet simplicity of my life, by the smallness of the village where I live, by my increased connection to nature, and by the kind acceptance of my neighbors and friends here.  Something in me has settled by moving here and choosing this for myself.  The voice of restless dissatisfaction has finally become silent.

I make no conclusions or judgments about this awareness, I’m just grateful.  Grateful for the quiet.  Grateful for the peace.  Grateful. 

Crossroads

It is so disheartening to hear of yet more terrorist attacks today in Brussels.  When will the hate stop?  When will the idea that terror and killing helps anything be realized to be false?  When will we be able to accept each other and our differences without acting out violently in opposition?

At this point in time, I think prejudice and fear are more based in economics than anything else.  How long do we think a nation or culture can be suppressed or marginalized or utilized without resentment and hatred building?  I don't condone violence for any reason.  I think there is always another way.  But, lack of education and economic opportunity breed desperation, and desperation often turns to violence.

I don't believe the terrorist acts we now witness in our world are based in religious differences.  I believe that they are born out of desperation and feelings of helplessness in an effort to gain some small amount of power; even if that miniscule moment of power comes at the sacrifice of their own or another's life.  I find it tragically sad that those who perpetrate these acts of terror feel their only solution lies in death and destruction.  And, that their only means of being seen lie in terror, suicide and murder.

It's a sad statement for all of us.  Because, these terrorists are us.  They are not separate from the rest of us.  They are lost and filled with rage and disconnected, but they are still part of the humanity of this planet.  We need to collectively find a way to communicate with these people and truly see them and hear them.  Our fear of them is such that we want nothing to do with them, which is the crux of the matter.  They need to be seen and heard and responded to in a neutral way.

I'm not saying that there don't need to be consequences for this type of acting out in violence.  There must be consequences.  But, in order to stop its continuance, we have to look to other ways than how we've been dealing with it up until now.  I don't think sane, balanced people plan and execute terrorist attacks, or commit murder.  Which means these people are soul sick and need attention and assistance.

Where does the level of helplessness and rage come from that would cause someone in a position of leadership to encourage his or her people to violence?  How did the disconnection and desperation develop within a particular culture that has now resulted in so much death and destruction?  I personally feel that these acts are an extreme cry to be seen and heard.  They are an extreme lashing out at a society that they feel has marginalized them and ignored them and denied them opportunity.

We can not overlook the terrorist acts that have happened, nor can we excuse those who've perpetrated them, but we can open our hearts in compassion for what has caused them to happen.  We can dig deep and find the love within ourselves that will allow us to see and hear those who have reached a place of such desperation.  Some of these people might be too entrenched in their positions to be reached, which is a tragedy of major proportion.  But, there are many behind them who are able to respond rationally and reconnect.  Yet, in order to reach into this culture of violence, we need to make a real effort to understand their position, acknowledge their point of view, and work toward a solution that creates peace.

Peace will require forgiveness on both sides of the equation.  If opening to each other, listening to each other, and forgiving each other are not possible, violence will continue.  But, we have to start somewhere.  We have to do what's necessary to bridge the gap.  We have to see and honor and understand each other and accept our differences.  We have to learn to appreciate our diversity instead of fearing it.  Just because any one of us believes a certain way, doesn't mean that we all have to agree.  We can agree to disagree.  We can keep working to reach a neutral stance.  But, the violence must be stopped.

This applies to those in any culture.  It applies to Donald Trump, and all of those he encourages to violence, as much as it does to those in any other culture we've become accustomed to blaming.  None of us are innocent.  This type of global problem, that is manifesting in all cultures, is a collective problem that we all need to take responsibility for and address in whatever way we can.

Why do people respond to a person who encourages violence and separation and prejudice and persecution?  Because that person encapsulates their fear, and they're acting out in reaction to it.  Because they are lost and don't know any other way to deal with their feelings of helplessness.  We are at a crossroads.  And, we need to make some important choices.  Do we go for fear, hate and separation?  Or, do we go for love, compassion and understanding?

The choice is ours in every day and every moment and every instance of interaction.  How do you want to create your world?  What is your vision?  Dig deep.  Think about it.    

Feeling It All

I'm sad today, for no apparent or logical reason.  Tears fall, just because they want to.  The weather agrees with me and is gray and rainy.  It's just one of those days.  I'm grateful it's not sunny.  It feels good to have the weather support me in my moodiness.

The thing that time and age has shown me is that it's okay to be sad.  I don't need to feel better right now.  I don't need to fix anything.  I just need to allow what's moving in me to move.  Something has chosen this day to move.  Some ancient sadness, tied to something I don't know about or can't remember, has chosen this blessed day to move.  And, all I need to do is give it the space to do so.

My being has finally reached the place where it's okay for this sadness to loosen its grip and move.  And, the tears I shed this day are both the sadness that's leaving and moving through my being, and the gratitude for that process.  They are a mixed bag of emotions.  They are multidimensional.  They are deep and true.  There is nothing wrong with feeling sad or with crying, even if for no apparent reason.

Have you noticed that we--as humans--often have a hard time allowing each other to feel our emotions?  Why is that?  Why are we uncomfortable in the presence of certain emotions?  I think it's because we haven't reached a place of comfort within ourselves in regard to those emotions.  I have more difficulty feeling and expressing anger than I do with sadness.  I have trouble with extreme happiness.  I don't understand it.  But, those are my limitations and issues.  Sadness is more familiar.  My being was born carrying an overabundance of sadness.  It was a life choice I made long before I entered this body.  I brought it with me because I knew that it was in this lifetime that it would be able to move.  So, I'm grateful when it makes itself known and another piece of it moves through.

One of the grave mistakes I think the modern spiritual movement has made is to ignore or deny our darkness.  The whole focus is on love and light and positive thinking, but at the expense of denying the other half of our humanness.  There's nothing wrong with love and light and positive thinking, but it's only part of the equation.  The result of this kind of thinking is that we can go into judgement of ourselves when we feel things other than love and light, or when we're not able to have positive thoughts in regard to whatever moment we're facing.  One of the great gifts of being human and having a body is to feel the full gamut of emotions that are connected with that experience.  When we start to shut them off, for any reason, we inhibit our ability to live fully.

I think we would benefit from teaching our children how to stand in and experience their emotions.  Instead of saying, "Don't cry" when someone is crying, we could reach out and hold them and allow those emotions to move without being cut off.  When someone is angry, instead of trying to shut them down and shut them up, we could give them the space to express what's moving in them and get it out.  When someone is happy, instead of telling them to quiet down or saying, "That's enough, now" we could give them the space to fully feel and express the elation that's present.  If we were able to understand that all emotions are okay, and that by giving them their space while they're happening they are able to move through and out of the body, it would prevent a lot of negative acting out that's caused by denying or suppressing those emotions.

There's an indigenous tribe on the planet, the location of which I now can not remember, that sings their individual song to each baby when it's born.  The midwives, and those attending the birth, tune into the new spirit that's just come through, and sing their song to them.  As the new spirit hears its song, it feels welcome and at home.  It knows it's come to the right place.  And, as life continues, and the person gets off track or does something unacceptable, the tribe doesn't shame or punish them, they surround them with love and sing their song so that they remember who they are and reconnect to their essence.  What a wonderful thing to do.  It's such an honoring of being human and such a deep understanding of how to help someone find their way back to themselves.

Today, I am honoring the sadness that moves through me and giving it the space it needs.  I allow the tears to fall.  I let myself have it.  It is an acceptance and honoring of my humanity.  I'm grateful for it.  After it all moves through, I'll feel lighter.  And so, I sing my song.

Finding a Sense of Comfort

I'm finding my adjustment to my new life and new language in Uzes, France to be interesting and challenging in ways that were/are unexpected.  Why anything should be expected in this transition, since so much is an unknown, is a mystery.  But, the mind loves to create expectations based on past experience.  So, I just keep crashing through expectation after expectation.  And, my mind, relentless tool that it is, just keeps setting them up over and over again.

I've only been here a month, but time is such a relative thing.  This month feels like forever and no time at all.  I have to keep reminding myself that I've only been here a month when I'm not able to understand what's said to me in French, and when I'm not able to say what I want to say without struggling.  I've done pretty well for only a month.  I've also had an amazing amount of help from one kind and generous person after another, without any of whom life would have been so much more difficult.

Moving to a foreign country and immersing oneself in a new culture, language and way of life is a challenge any way you look at it.  Things are encountered that one can't possibly have prepared for or known about.  And, even in a first-world, Western-culture country such as France, the differences are many and basic and require an inordinate amount of adjustment.  But, I'm finding my way.  I'm making new friends.  I'm getting done what needs to get done.  I'm starting to feel comfortable.

When I first got here, just walking out my door to do the most basic of functions carried a certain amount of anxiety.  There was, and still is, so much to figure out.  But, bit by bit, things become familiar.  Ways of doing things are shown or figured out.  The processes of daily life reveal themselves.  Little things, like going to the Post Office, become less and less mysterious.  People speaking to me in French are starting to make sense, at least partially, with every word I hear.  Repetition is a wonderful teacher.

The telephone is still a major challenge, but I'm getting better at it.  Sometimes, I have to call a number many times and listen to the voice prompts over and over and over before they start to make sense and I can choose the right prompts to get where I need to get and do what I need to do.  I have to ask people to speak slowly and simply to help me understand.  I still need help translating things.  I am a child in this language and this culture, and I must be comfortable with that.

I am starting French conversation classes at the local Universite Populaire on March 11, after the ski holiday is over.  And, I'm hoping to find another French class so that I have at least two a week.  The focus and support of regular classes will help a lot.  Along with hearing and using French every day, plus reading it in endless instances out of utter necessity, will all push me forward to greater fluency and comfort in my new language.

I have not bought a car and am not driving yet, but that will come in its own time.  I find that my life is much slower and more simple without a car, and I get a lot more exercise because I do a lot of walking.  Endless thanks go out to my friend, Geoffrey, who drives me if I need to go somewhere farther afield; and, endless thanks also go out to my friend, Debby, who allows Geoffrey to drive her car--which we call The Tardis--while she is not here.  We call the car The Tardis--a reference to the Dr. Who TV series--for its ability to hold so much more than one might expect it to.  We've gotten amazing amounts of things into the back of the car.

This is a quiet place and I sleep much better here than I did in the U.S.  I sleep deeply and have started dreaming in a way that I wasn't previously.  I am more calm and am constantly nurtured by the beauty that surrounds me at all times.  I'm starting to feel a rhythm and a balance to life here that is very reassuring and supportive.  I am opening more and more to this place as it opens more and more to me, and I'm feeling a sense of deep peace as the days go by.

This move hasn't been easy by any stretch of the imagination, and I know I have challenges to overcome that are yet to be revealed, but it's been worth everything it took to get here.  I have no regrets for leaving and only gratitude for where I am and the life that is unfolding around me.  No matter what Life calls you to, or what the challenges that might be required to get there, know that it will be worth it.  Say "yes" and jump in.  Answer the call.    

Ode to Geoffrey, and the Basis of Trust

A friend of mine posted a quote on Facebook last week that struck me to my core.  I will repeat it here, because it deserves repeating.

"We cannot train our babies not to need us.  Whether it's the middle of the day or the middle of the night, their needs are real and valid, including the simple need for human touch.  A 'trained' baby may give up on his needs being met, but the need is still there, just not the trust."  --L.R. Knost, www.RelationshipsLoveHappiness.com.

Wow...  Such understanding and compassion, at a very deep level.  And, so far-reaching in its implication in our lives.

I was born to two young high school students who, wisely, made the decision to give me up at birth and allow me to be adopted.  I spent the first seven weeks of life alone in a crib in a home for unwed mothers.  What I remember of that time--yes, babies do remember--is being cold and confused and that the light was too bright; that there were others around, but more at a distance.  Seven weeks of my needs being met in only the most basic of ways; no loving touch or caring physical contact.

I was adopted by parents who were desperate for a child, and who wanted to raise their child "correctly."  I was their first child, and they turned to the advice and information given by Benjamin Spock in a book called "The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care."  It was a very popular book in the 1950's, and there might be some very good advice in that book, I don't know.  But, there was some advice that my parents followed that was detrimental, especially for a child such as myself, who had developed trust issues from birth.

For the first three years of my life, my mother would put me to bed and then sit with me and stroke my head until I fell asleep.  But, at three, it was decided that I had to learn to fall asleep on my own and the bedtime communion with my mother would stop...cold turkey.  So, she would put me to bed and then walk away and leave me alone to find sleep on my own.  This is what Benjamin Spock supposedly said to do in his book, according to my mother, who told me about it later.

This sudden abandonment at bedtime created confusion and anger.  I would scream for hours before tiring myself and finally falling asleep.  According to my mother, Benjamin Spock also said to leave the child alone and let them cry and that they'd get over it.  So, my parents would sit in the living room, listening to me scream, and will themselves to ignore me.  After a certain amount of days, I became trained to the new normal of being left alone at bed time.  The screaming stopped.  But, the sense of abandonment and confusion did not.  I was simply trained to realize that my needs at that time, and in that situation, were not going to be met.

We are trained from a young age to accept that many of our needs will not be met.  We're ignored and pushed aside in our own needs in order to fulfill the needs of our parents and other caretakers.  It ends up being more about what the caretaker wants than what the child wants and is trying to communicate in order to have their needs met.  And, it happens throughout our lives.  We do this to each other all the time.  We might state that we want a certain thing, or need a certain thing, and our partner or friend will say back to us, "You don't need that.  Here, have this instead."  Or, "You don't really want that, what you want is this."  Or, the actions of others often very clearly state that our needs or wants are unimportant to them.  They are so clearly focused on meeting their own needs or wants, that ours are pushed to the side, and we are forced to abandon them or to compromise them.

I have spent a large portion of my life listening to other people tell me what I want or don't want, what I need or don't need.  Sometimes I would listen or compromise, sometimes I would walk away.  But, it's difficult to ignore those with whom one is in relationship.  And, it would often take me many years to realize the depth to which I had compromised myself, my wants and my needs.  Most of our patterns are set when we are very young, and this pattern for me has perpetuated itself for long enough.

My friend, Geoffrey, who has been driving me around and helping me because I do not yet have a car of my own in my new home of Uzes, France, is outside this pattern.  I realize that one of the reasons my whole process of going through what needs to be accomplished to establish myself here and meet my needs in this new place, is that Geoffrey has never superseded my needs with his own.  He has never tried to talk me out of anything I've needed to do or to buy, or to convince me that something other than what I want would be better.  He has consistently done what he said he would do in a completely supportive and accepting manner.  He has gone out of his way to help me meet my needs.  This is a rare occurrence in my life.  His gift of selflessness in this first week of my birth into a new place and culture has helped me to feel more at home here than I normally feel anywhere.  He has made me feel accepted and respected in a way that touches me deeply.  And, I now see that a pattern of distrust and unmet needs is finally able to be dismantled and set aside.

Our lives are filled with angels, some we recognize and some we don't.  Some receive our gratitude and some we take for granted.  Some help us in ways we can see and understand, and others help us in ways that are impossible to comprehend.  But, they are there.  Geoffrey is one of my angels.  He is lifting me up in simple yet profound ways, for which I shall forever be grateful.  He is helping me into awareness and assisting me in transforming a destructive pattern that I have carried from birth.  Because of his friendship, I am forever changed for the better.  And, he is simply being who he is.  I don't think he has any conscious idea of how impactful his presence and friendship with me has been and continues to be.

We often don't realize how important it is to really show up for each other; to listen to each other, respect each other, and accept each other.  The gift of really seeing each other and supporting each other in our journeys, instead of trying to affect or overrun each other's journeys, is a gift beyond measure.  Being able to see, accept and support another in their journey and their choices, even when that journey and those choices differ from ones we would make for ourselves, is a deep lesson that is ongoing day by day.  Life has sent me an angel and teacher in this very important lesson, in my friend, Geoffrey.  And so, I find myself yet again, on my knees in gratitude.