The Beauty of Language

I went to a reading at the Bookworks bookstore last night.  It is my favorite Albuquerque bookstore and they regularly have readings and events.  The person reading was a friend of a friend, and I wouldn't have known about it if my friend hadn't called to tell me, and  I'm really glad I went.

The author is Amy Shea and the book is a collection of twelve of her short stories and is titled "Defending Happiness."  She read two of her stories, which I thoroughly enjoyed.  She was a good reader and put a lot of life into the stories as she read them.  She's also a very funny person and a very funny writer and the audience in attendance laughed a lot.  It was a very good turn out and seemed to be about as many people as could fit comfortably into the space.  I bought her book and had her sign it for me.

Hearing her read her stories really made me think about language and our use of words.  I love language and so appreciate a clever turn of phrase.  A large vocabulary so improves the enjoyment of both written and spoken material.  I recently got an email from a friend with a video of a comedian who was doing a very well-written parody of Shakespeare.  Before he launched into his Shakespearean monologue, he talked about how our vocabulary has shrunken drastically since Shakespeare's time.  I looked for this video--which I've managed to lose--in order to check the statistics he quoted as to the number of words Shakespeare had a working use of compared to the number of words we currently use.  So, since it's gone, I'm just going to take a stab at it from memory.  I THINK he said that Shakespeare had a working use of 54,000 words and that we currently only use about 3,000.  I could be wrong about those numbers, but what I do remember specifically, is that the difference was huge between then and now, even if not those exact amounts.

I wondered how our use of language had changed so greatly as to diminish our vocabularies so drastically.  We do speak more directly than people did in the past, which does away with words associated with pleasantries and politeness to a large extent.  We're more in a hurry now and our language reflects that.  Conversation used to be an art, but now seems to be an art that's largely gone by the wayside.  I think we're less specifically descriptive than we used to be, and we tend to use a lot of words over and over instead of varying our word choices.  We also use profanity more commonly than was used in times past.  But, I also think our diminished vocabularies reflect a lapse in education, a lack of reading, and some laziness.

It's easier to use words we're familiar with.  They come to mind quickly and most of the time do the trick.  It isn't that we're not understood by others, or that we don't understand what's said to us or written by others, but it would all be much more interesting and engaging if we used more specific descriptives and were able to turn a clever phrase.  I'm as lazy as the next person and catch myself using the same words over and over, or not being specific.  I'm trying to be more conscious of my use of language and broaden my vocabulary.  It's more interesting for me and I'm sure would be more interesting for my listener or reader as well.

I find the lack of basic English skills in our current younger generations to be disturbing.  And, one of my friends mentioned that her child's school is no longer teaching cursive writing.  What?!  When I asked why not, she said that the school didn't find cursive writing useful anymore now that computers were used so extensively.  I think it's a tragic loss.  Young students are taught to print, but mostly type on computer keyboards.  Books and time spent reading also seems to be largely falling away.  And, when reading happens, it's often done electronically.  Spelling skills are also seem to be going downhill.  For someone like myself, who finds great pleasure in reading and language, the loss of, or maybe I should say change of, our use of English is sad indeed.

I've switched over to reading a lot of the time on my iPad.  It's so convenient for traveling and downloading books onto a Kindle or iPad or similar device is less expensive than buying books.  But, given the choice, I still prefer to read a printed book.  There's something so enjoyable about holding a book in one's hands.  I love turning the pages and seeing how far I've gone and how far I have to go.  Reading electronically doesn't give one the same sense of passage as one gets from watching the pages pile upon themselves after they've been read while the unread pile of pages gets smaller and smaller.  I love flipping back to previous passages and reading them over sometimes, and that's more difficult to do when reading electronically.  I still have a good-sized set of bookshelves filled with books I've read and those I still hope to read.  When I finish reading a book electronically, I often just delete it.  Gone.  Not to be loaned or given to a friend to read, not to be opened and enjoyed again.

I don't like to be the one lamenting change.  I like to feel that I'm open to change and am able to change easily.  But, often that's an illusion.  I've seen so much change in my life, and so much has been irretrievably lost.  It isn't to say that what we used to experience is necessarily better, but some of it was.  And, I mourn the loss of the things I've loved, books and language among them.  It makes me appreciate them all the more.  I treasure a good book.  And, I am excited by precise and creative language.  I give deep thanks to all the writers still out there wrestling with themselves to find the perfect word, to unfold a detailed and engaging story; to take us on new and exciting journeys of imagination and creativity.  Thanks Amy Shea for your stories and all the reflection they've triggered for me.   

Welcome to the Real

Nice.  We often use the term "nice" to describe someone.  What does that term really mean?  The dictionary describes "nice" as:  pleasant in manner, good-natured, kind, polite.  Nice is a term rather like "interesting."  We often use it when we're either not able to be, or don't want to be, more specific.  For example:  "I didn't really like that movie, but there were some interesting things in it."  God forbid, anyone should press me for what the interesting things were.  I'd have to get really creative at that point.

Nice can also mean bland, or unimpressionable.  It's a type of cover-all description.  It's a rather amorphous term.  Vague in its meaning.  We don't usually use it to describe exciting people, or exceptional people, even though they might be good-natured and polite.  Often, I've noticed that we say someone is nice as a way to compensate for something else we've said about them that's not the most positive.  For example:  "I didn't find him/her very engaging, but he/she seemed nice."  Who cares if they're nice at that point?  We've already decided we're done with them.

We often think someone who is spiritual is also nice.  Or, that if they're spiritual, they should be nice as well.  Really?  I don't think so.  I've known people I thought were very spiritual, but who I would not describe as nice.  Someone who is forthcoming with the truth is not always thought of as nice.  Someone who doesn't suffer fools very well is not always thought of as nice.  Someone who is quick-minded and witty is not always thought of as nice.  Exceptionally intelligent or creative people are not always thought of as nice.  Anyone who doesn't react or respond the way we think they should will probably not be considered nice.

Nice people often let others get away with inappropriate or unacceptable behavior.  Nice people don't like confrontation.  Nice people don't call others on their untruths or lacks of integrity.  Nice people put up with disrespectful behavior.  Nice people make excuses for other peoples lapses.  Nice people do most of the work and don't complain.  Nice people don't stand up for themselves.  Nice people let others go first.  Nice people don't get angry.  Nice people don't set boundaries.  What do you think makes a nice person?  What attributes would someone have who you would consider to be nice?  Who do you think is a nice person and why?

The dictionary used the word "kind" as a descriptive for nice.  I disagree.  I don't think someone who is nice is also kind.  You could be very blunt and brisk, which are usually not attributes of someone considered nice, and still be kind.  Kindness has nothing to do with being nice.  And, if someone was kind, I wouldn't describe them as nice, I would specifically use the term "kind" as the descriptive.

Nice people tend to be people-pleasers.  "Oh, I couldn't do that, it wouldn't be nice."  But, often the thing that "wouldn't be nice" is the thing that, if done, would set a boundary; or, exhibit strength of character; or, stop abusive behavior.  The thing that "wouldn't be nice" would be truthful, or direct, or confrontational.  Nice people are often not truthful, because they're too concerned about hurting someone else's feelings to be truthful.  Nice people are not often direct.  And, nice people are rarely, if ever, confrontational.

I would be considered a nice person on many counts and by many people.  I've always tried to be nice at the expense of:  what I really need or want; being truthful; standing up for myself; setting boundaries; and, ultimately, at the expense of myself on many levels.  I'm guilty of all the things I've listed that nice people are or do.  But, I'm tired of being nice.  As long as I'm retiring from script supervising, I think I'll retire from being nice as well.  Why not?  Enough of being nice.  Now, I just want to be authentic.

I don't care about pleasing anyone but myself at this point.  I'm tired of worrying more about other people's feelings than I do about my own.  This is one of the advantages of getting older, you get too tired to keep up the illusions and masks you wore when you were younger.  You let go of a lot of ideas and behaviors in favor of authenticity.  You're past caring what other people think.  It takes too much energy to be anything other than direct.  It's so much easier to deal with things directly in the moment than to sidestep them in favor of someone else's feelings.  I feel better when I deal with things truthfully in the moment.  And, by doing that, I can let them go and move on instead of carrying them around.

So, no more Mr. Nice Guy, as the saying goes...even though I'm female.  Now, things just are what they are.  Like it or don't like it, it doesn't matter to me.  Mess with me at your own peril.  I'm not holding anything back these days.  Ask me a question, you're going to get the truth, even if it's not what you wanted to hear.  The days of glossing over other people's bad behavior and rationalizing excuses are gone.  Now, it's welcome to the real, and what a relief that is.    

 

"Ancient of Days"

I just finished another amazing book.  "Ancient of Days" by Michael Bishop.  It was recommended by Orson Scott Card in one of his book introductions, so I had to read it.  And, I'm very glad I did.

I've literally just finished it and am still in its thrall.  It's having its way with me and I'm glad to surrender.  It's deeply impressed me and taken me through almost every emotion.  It has also stimulated my mind and triggered spiritual thoughts.  The characters, though not all particularly likeable, were very relatable.  I cared about them and ached for and with them.  The story totally drew me in and took me on a journey of the soul.

It brought up ideas and situations that were new to me.  It was joyful and wrenching, sad and uplifting.  It touches on what it means to be human, and what it means to love past all appearances and preconceptions.  It's brave and beautiful, thinking and feeling.

Good books are bridges to new thoughts, new feelings, new perceptions, and new paradigms.  They transport you multidimensionally into new realms of reality.  And, we're changed and expanded by reading them.  This is such a book.

I'm a voracious reader, I have been all my life.  I love to disappear into a good book.  I love a book that grips me and holds me and doesn't let me go, and I mourn the end of it.  This book will live with me now, as the great ones do.  They become part of us and continue to shape us as Life goes forward.  The seeds they plant continue to grow in us and take form in many deep and interesting ways.

I am, once again, brought to my knees in gratitude.  Gratitude for Orson Scott Card's recommendation, gratitude for the beauty of Michael Bishop's work, and gratitude for the gifts of what it has seeded in me.  I live.  I grow.  I expand.  I am.

Where is Your Focus?

I was having a conversation today with a friend who is afraid of Mitt Romney's current positioning in the presidential election.  And, because she doesn't want him to win the election, she was giving him a lot of energy.  She was talking about all his negative aspects and influence and going on and on about why she doesn't want him to be president.  And, she's not unusual in doing this.  But, the problem with doing this is that she was giving more energy to what she doesn't want than to what she does want, which is that Obama get elected for a second term as president.

When we complain about something or rail against something or someone, instead of giving them so much of our focus and energy, if we focused instead on what we want, we would not only feel better, but we would be putting our energy in the best possible direction.  Life assists us in manifesting what we put our focus on.  If we put our focus on things we don't want, we're giving them energy and bringing them into being.  And, often when this happens to us, we either can't figure out why the unwanted thing came into being, or we've put so much energy into it we say, "I knew it."

It doesn't matter what it is that we want, large or small, collective or personal.  As "The Course in Miracles" says, "There is no order of difficulty in miracles."  What we focus on is what we create.  We need to watch where our energy goes.  Am I focusing on what I want?  Or, am I focusing on what I don't want?  Whatever it is you'd like to bring into your life...is your focus there?  Do you resonate with it?  Are you an energy match for it?

In regard to the election, we need to focus on the candidate we want to win, not the one we don't want.  Instead of complaining about the candidate we don't want, we can focus on all the reasons why we want the person we do.  The more energy we give the person we want, the more energy goes into the collective with that desire, and the more support there is for it manifesting.  We are each far more powerful than we usually give ourselves credit for.  Each and every one of us makes a difference.  Focus on who you want.  Focus on why you want them and concentrate on how it feels for them to win.  See and feel that as a reality.

Why do we give so much energy to what we don't want?  I hope this dynamic is changing for all of us.  Why do we allow our fears to rule us?  If we concentrate on what we want, instead of the fears we have about getting it or not getting it, then the fears will fall away.  They might not disappear, but they will recede and stop having the power to stop us.  We will move through them, and empower ourselves in doing so.  We will find solutions instead of problems.  We will see a way where there was no way.  A door will open that was previously closed.  An opportunity will arise that no one could have imagined or predicted.  Where is your focus?

I want Obama to win the election, too.  I focus all my energy on him and, in my reality, he IS president.  Mitt Romney holds no interest for me.  I give him no energy or attention.  I remember how happy and hopeful the entire world was when Obama won the last election.  And, I feel that now in regard to this election.  I feel we've been lifted up over the last four years.  Maybe not as much as we'd like, but we're on an upward trajectory collectively.  And, I'd like that to continue.  That's what I resonate with, that's what I feel, that's what I support.

Focus on what you want.  Make it real.  You are powerful.  Never doubt it.  See it.  Feel it.  Be it.

Memory and Non-attachment

My magical mystery tour of old haunts in Southern California continued today with the best drive from Los Angeles to San Diego I think I've ever had.  Friday morning.  A work day.  I left Los Angeles at 8:15am.  I should have been in gridlocked rush hour traffic, but no.  Wow!  All the way from Culver City to El Cajon the traffic was open and moving.  It was shockingly wonderful.

If you're not from Southern California, you have no idea how much of a topic of conversation traffic is.  People endlessly discuss the traffic and what a nightmare it is to get from one place to another within any reasonable time frame.  But, I've had miraculously challenge-free driving experiences this last week.  And, I hope the whole challenge-free driving experience continues this coming week.  It's been a wonderful gift.

My family is in San Diego.  This is where I grew up.  It's familiar and yet foreign all at the same time.  I haven't lived here for 35 years, and it's changed drastically from what it was when it was home to me.  There were fields of agriculture, groves of fruit trees, and pastures of horses.  There were uncrowded beaches, more highways than freeways, and crossing the border into Mexico was no big deal.  We spent weekends at the zoo and Balboa Park, and driving up to Disneyland for the day was easy and inexpensive.

I drive around San Diego now and only intermittently recognize things.  It's so built up that it doesn't look anything like it did when I was younger.  My sister has a memory like a steel trap.  She remembers every little detail of our lives.  I'm always asking her where we are, and she's always telling me and then reminding me of things that happened that I have no recollection of whatsoever.  She's like a walking narrative of my childhood.  She's always saying, "Don't you remember when..." and I'm always saying, "I don't remember that."

I find it interesting what we remember.  And, not only what we remember, but how we remember it.  Even when I do remember things my sister brings up, my memory of them is somehow different from hers.  We drove by an old house we used to live in at one point today.  We lived there for two years and I have one searing memory from that house, which is of a time when my sister and I were running around playing and accidentally knocked a hutch with my mother's treasured dishes in it off of the cabinet on which it was sitting.  One minute laughter and fun, and the next minute angry screaming and mortal fear.  My sister remembers the whole two years, but for me, that's all I have.

The past isn't very alive for me, which, when I think about it, is most likely a good thing.  No real point in ruminating around in things gone by.  I remember the high points and the low points, although not a lot of what went on in between.  Life has taken me to many places and given me many different and interesting experiences, and there always seems to be something happening in the present to take my attention.  I actually hate conversations about "the old times" or about what happened "back in the day."  I have little patience for too much reminiscing.

This trip, which is a bit nostalgic for me, is an indulgence in certain ways.  I'm allowing myself a leisurely looks at things past and a gentle good bye.  I normally just move on, without a look back.  So, this memory lane experience is different for me.  I'm finding it very settling and enjoyable.  It's a welcome luxury.  I'm spending three days in San Diego, which is more time than I think I've spent here since I left years ago.  It feels a bit full circle.  I'm able to enjoy San Diego in the way that I'm now able to enjoy Los Angeles, which is with a certain detachment.  And, it brings some integration and a deeper understanding of the Buddhist idea of non-attachment.  The non-attachment allows me to enjoy these places with a sense of freedom and take nothing for granted.  It allows me to enjoy the beauty that is here without an overlay of distraction or preoccupation.  I'm simply open to it all and taking it all in.  I'm accepting it for what it is and loving it for being that.

I haven't always been able to say this, but I'm so loving my life right now.  The every day of it.  The simplicity of it.  The freedom of it.  The beauty of it.  The gift of it.  Gratitude is living in me and opening my heart and my perceptions in new and wondrous ways.  I can actually say that I wake up with excitement in the morning at the prospect of what the day will bring.  It's like I finally opened a window and am letting the breath of Life blow through.  I'm feeling younger and more vital than I have in a very long time.

I don't think looking back is a way to live your life, but looking back every once in a while is valuable.  It gives you a sense of how far you've come, how much you've learned and experienced, how precious everything has been.  And, anything that brings us into a state of gratitude is a good thing.  No matter what you might be experiencing in your life right now, it is my hope for you that you can find your way to a place of gratitude.  It will make all the difference.    

How Free is Your Love?

Why is it so hard to let those we love have their own journey?  We want to protect them; we want to show them how; we want to do it for them; we want to save them from making mistakes.  All good intentions, but misguided.

It's essential for each of us to walk our own path, to find our own way.  It's empowering and necessary.  And, yes, we'll make mistakes along the way, but that's how we learn.  As much as those around us want to prevent us from making mistakes, there's value in doing it.  We always learn more from experience than from what we're told to do or told not to do.  And, when we learn through our own choices and the consequences of those choices, we gain moral authority.  We know ourselves more deeply.

When we allow another to have their journey, we set ourselves free and we empower them.  When we let another go into their own experience, we're trusting them and honoring their ability to make their own choices and live by them.  It's not always easy to let another go, but until we do, the relationship can not fully bloom into what is possible.  As long as one person puts themselves above or over the other, the relationship is limited.  But, when both people are set free, the relationship is able to grow.

It's not easy to watch those we love make mistakes that we feel we could have saved them from.  But, truly, we can't really save anyone, and when we understand the value of all experience, we wouldn't want to.  And, when we take experience from another and take it upon ourselves, we make our own journey more burdensome.

If we were able to support each other through our experiences, discuss and advise but not overpower, and let each other make our own decisions and choices, we'd all feel better about ourselves.  And, if we stayed focused on ourselves and our own journey, and let everyone else do the same, we would all be less overwhelmed and worried.  The other thing that happens when we try to walk someone's journey for them is that we fall into judgment about what they're doing.  We have our own agenda about what we think they should be doing and get upset if things go differently than we think they should.  And, no one feels good being judged, or being the recipient of our upset or anger because of the way they chose to do something.

It can be particularly difficult if someone we love is exhibiting what we see as self-destructive behavior.  And, letting go in these types of situations can be especially painful, but it's still necessary.  We can only ever save ourselves, and allow the other to come into awareness or realization at their own pace.  If someones's self-destructive behavior is affecting or harming those around them, something might need to be done to stop the harm that's being caused by removing everyone from immediate proximity.  But, the person will need to find their way back on their own.

We're all here to love each other and teach each other and support each other and help along the way.  But, we also lift each other up by honoring each other's path.  Our paths might come together or move apart, we might walk with someone for a while and then need to walk separately, and it's all okay.  Being there for someone doesn't mean holding onto them with an iron grip, or expecting them to do things the way we think they should be done.  Being there for someone means accepting them for who they are and loving them.  And, no matter whether someone is with us or away from us, we can always love them.  No matter what they've done or haven't done, we can still love them.  Even when they've lost their way, we can still love them.

Loving someone is the greatest gift we can give.  And, real love is always based in freedom and respect.  How free is your love? 

So Grateful

I'm in Los Angeles.  I've emptied out my storage space and dealt with all my stuff and now I'm enjoying being here and am enjoying seeing as many of my friends as I can.  Because I'm in the process of saying good bye and no one knows when I'll be back next, I'm going out of my way to see my friends, and they're going out of their way to see me.  And, each time I get together with someone my heart opens further and I feel more and more love.

I'm so grateful for all of the wonderful people I'm able to call "friend."  One of my friends told me that she'd recently come to the realization that she had no friends, literally no one.  It was a sad and shocking statement, and was also accompanied with a lot of confusion as to how that had happened.  I didn't have any answers for her, but it made me endlessly grateful for the friends I have.

The other thing I'm realizing is that I'm seeing people I haven't seen in a very long time, but people I really enjoy.  When I was working in the film industry I'd see people on a show or at a union meeting or at some event.  When I was off work, I needed time alone and I'd run around getting all the things done that I couldn't get done while I was working.  Then, suddenly, I'd get another job and be off to another location and wouldn't have found time to connect with my friends.  But, now that I don't live in Los Angeles anymore and I can't look forward to running into my friends at work, I need to actively seek them out and arrange to see them.  It makes my time with them special.  And, I am truly appreciating each and every one of them.

My time here is nostalgic and bittersweet.  I drive past old residences and places I used to frequent like touch stones.  I feel strangely detached from this place, and yet able to fully enjoy it in a way I wasn't able to when I lived here.  I see the beauty of it more clearly because I don't live here.  I notice even small things that I would have missed before.  I have a kind of hyper-awareness of everything.  Because I'm not sure when I'll be back, and even if I do come back, it will never be the same as it was before, everything is more precious, more meaningful.  I'm taking mental snapshots of things and imprinting myself.

This current letting go of so much of what has comprised my life up until now is generating deep feelings of gratitude, and deep feelings of love and appreciation.  It's such a wonderful farewell to my past and such a clean opening to what comes next, unknown as it is right now.  And, I'm very aware of the people who will move forward with me, and of all that my life has given me up to this point.  I'm hoping that as I move forward I will continue to feel gratitude and love in a conscious way more than I have before and not take my life or my relationships for granted in any way.

As difficult as my life has been in certain ways, it's also been blessed and wonderful.  I've been amazingly fortunate, and I'm very aware of my good fortune.  I hope you can always see the blessings in your life, and that you are always able to be grateful for what you have, and never take anything or anyone for granted.  Life is so precious.